Let Go
by achelefan24
Summary: An Achele fic. People assume Dianna has been the one to pursue Lea, but this isn't the case. Lea has always known who she is, but can she help Dianna see it too? Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first Achele fic. I've been inspired by so many writers before me, and of course, Achele. This fic has a predetermined amount of chapters and I'll never beg for reviews because that takes away from the experience.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and does not reflect the actual lives of Lea Michele and Dianna Agron. I do not own Achele.

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><p>PRESENT DAY<p>

"He's just a **friend**! It's called acting, Dianna. Some of us are just meant to play a certain role in life."

This was all too familiar to her. Lea heard the words fly out of her mouth before she could stop them, but she meant it. She meant every word, just like she did three years ago. But the last time these words came out of her mouth, they were sweet, almost flirtatious. This time it sounded exactly how she felt inside – hollow, angry, and morose.

"If he's just a friend, then why do I feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest when I see you with him? Why is there a deafening buzzing in my ears when I see him hold you? Why do I feel like I could cry, throw up, and scream when he pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear? But most of all, why do I feel like I don't exist to you when you look at him?" Dianna was done screaming. She was done talking. She was done pretending. She was done.

* * *

><p>2008<p>

"And last but not least, I'd like you to meet Lea. She'll be playing -" "Rachel," Dianna blurted out, completing Ryan's sentence for him.

"Rachel. Right. Well, I'll let you two get acquainted," Ryan said as he left the future faux-enemies standing in the middle of a small but empty soundstage.

Lea studied the girl. _She's very pretty, prettier than I expected. No, beautiful's the right word or at least closer to any word I can think of_. Lea stuck her hand out confidently with that amazingly bright smile that Dianna would find to be addicting. "Hi! Dianna, is it?"

Dianna smiled a full mouth smile nodding fervently. _Was she blushing?_

"Well Miss Dianna, it's so nice to finally meet the person that's going to make my life a living hell for the next few months… that is if we get picked up. But, I know we will, especially if Ryan Murphy and I have anything to do with it."

Lea never had a problem with confidence. Hell, she's been on Broadway since she was 8. She's had fake sex on stage in front of sold out crowds. Her career was just beginning to blossom into superstardom and if there was anything her mother taught her it was to never look back. Always look forward, because the moment you do, those behind you will take you down with them.

Dianna seemed to be taken aback by Lea's forwardness. _She's definitely Rachel Berry_. Dianna looked into Lea's eyes then quickly to her shoes. "Lea Michele. I'm such a big fan," Dianna started timidly, batting her eyelashes and biting her lower lip, trying not to fangirl in front of her new co-worker. "My mother and I are huge Broadway fans and we saw you in Spring Awakening. You really are very talented. I'm honored to be working with you."

Lea let her finish her rant, noticing just how adorable the blonde standing before her could be when she was nervous. She let out one of her famously contagious belly laughs she would be known for on set. "Hahaha! Oh, oh oh, no Dianna, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mock you. It's just that you're adorable!" Lea was stating the truth, there was no shame in that. "Thank you so much for your kind words, but you're too kind. We're co-workers now and soon to be friends, so if you're here, then you're probably not to shabby yourself."

_I'm blushing again_. "Well we'll see about that. I can only hope that I can live up to the standards of Lea Michele," Dianna said boring straight into Lea's chestnut brown eyes.

"Please, it's Lea Sarfati. Michele's for people I don't know. As for standards, well, I think you fit the bill and then some." Lea was blatantly flirting and loved seeing the effect her direct words had on the blonde. _We're off to a great start_.

Dianna cleared her throat, causing a brief smirk to cross Lea's face. "I, uh, I – Thanks." Lea basked in the fact she caused the girl to lose her focus. She smiled and winked at the blonde. "Anytime."

Quickly regaining her composure, Dianna started again, "Well, I'm sure you're busy. I'll let you get onto your next appointment and maybe we can get to know each other a little more over coffee?"

Lea could hear the hopeful, yet reticent tone in Dianna's voice. _We're going to have to work on that._ "Dianna. Who do you think I am? 'Next appointment?' I'm all done here, as I'm sure you are as well. I don't know about you, but I'm famished and long overdue for my caffeine fix. You wanna grab a bite, now? I haven't been here long, but I hear there's this a-mazing vegan place nearby."

Dianna's eyes twinkled. "Of course! Oh my god, I can't believe I'm grabbing lunch with Lea Michele, Sarfati! Lea Sarfati! Sorry!" Lea chuckled, smiling warmly toward the taller girl in front of her. "It's OK, Di. I'll let it slide this one time." _Could her smile get any bigger?_

The girls began to make their way to Lea's car.

"Ok, but do you mind if I call my mom on the way? She's gonna flip when I tell her I'm having lunch with you."

"Please, by all means, fangirl away. Get it out of your system now," Lea teased sarcastically.

"Oh my gosh! I feel like such an idiot," Dianna said, suddenly very dejected.

"Di, I'm teasing you! Sheesh we really need to work on that confidence." Dianna smiled bashfully. "In fact, I'll even say hello to her myself. That way I can tell her what a beautiful and well-mannered daughter she's raised."

Ignoring the almost too intimate compliments from a person who was still a practical stranger, Dianna shrieked. "Really! Oh she's gonna love that Lea. You're the best." And with that, Dianna practically caused the shorter girl to fall when she lunged at her, grabbing her into a tight bear hug.

"So let's see. We've covered music, movies, books, celebrity crushes…. what about love lives?" Lea inquired. Sure she thought this was normal conversation, but a part of her wanted to know this bit of information for selfish reasons. _Is she single or is she in a relationship? Does she like girls?_

"I'm single," Dianna said curtly.

_Damn. That doesn't really give me much information to go off of._

"What about you? Are you seeing anyone? Maybe Jonathan Groff… I know you both are close and he'd be crazy not to be with you." _Do I sound jealous or desperate? God I hope not. No, it must have come off as inquisitive and shows that I know a little something about her. Girls ask these kinds of questions all of the time._

Lea scoffed. "Me and Jon? Oh my, that'd be the day! No no no. He's just a friend! It's called acting, Dianna." She paused letting her laughter subside. "Some of us are just meant to play a certain role in life."

She laughed at her own joke. Playing a young virgin across from her gay best friend, that was irony. "I guess we must have been convincing, then," Lea said half serious, half joking.

Dianna laughed, "You certainly had me fooled! But I guess that helps keeps the tabloids away, right?" In truth, Dianna hadn't had much experience with the paparazzi. She had heard stories from different people with how Hollywood worked, but she wasn't on anyone's radar just yet to have anyone causing a fuss over her.

"Everyone handles the paps in their own way. But rule of thumb, never answer a question directly, unless your PR people instruct you to or they're good enough to pick up the mess after you do."

"Noted."

"Well, I've had a blast. Do you have a place yet or are you in a hotel right now?" Straight and to the point. That's Lea's style. She continued, "I've got something temporary. Waaay bigger than my place in New York ever was. If you don't have any plans, maybe you can come over and we can have a girls night in. What do you say? Wine, Bravo, bad romantic comedies?" _Where did all of my confidence go? _"You know you want to Di," Lea sing-songed, batting her eyelashes and giving Dianna the most angelic smile she could muster.

Happiness. It was written all over Dianna's face. "Ok, but on one condition."

Lea waited with trepidation.

"We HAVE to watch Project Runway."

"Did we just become best friends? Of _course_ we have to watch Project Runway. This is going to be a good night, I can tell. I hope you don't mind if I invite Jenna over, too." _I can't be with her alone, especially after we get some wine in our system. Remember those pictures that went viral from that time Jon convinced her that he had taken the memory stick out of that camera? _

"Oh, uh," Dianna faltered. "Even better, I suppose."


	2. Chapter 2  Roommates

They got along famously. The entire cast quickly became one big unique happy family. Perhaps a bit dysfunctional at times, but Totle could always manage to distract everyone enough from Ryan's tirades to reestablish a happy equilibrium.

Lea and Dianna had instantly become best friends. Lea would tell her, "You're kind of like the girl version of Jon."

So it made all the sense in the world for the two to move in together and become roommates.

"Lady Di, if you're not at my place, I'm at yours and visa versa. Why not move in together? We can ride together to the set, neither of us would have to keep running back to our respective places when we accidentally stay the night without a change of clothes, and I can cook for you! I'll turn you into a vegan, yet."

Lea was not accustomed to begging, but there was something about the blonde that made her _need_ her approval. Sure she'd have to do a little convincing, but with her warm I-could-cure-cancer smile and the bribery of Dianna's own personal chef, how could she refuse?

"Well… my mom did say I should keep hanging out with a good Jewish girl like you, especially after she tried your vegan latkes and applesauce during Hanukkah." Dianna smiled with her eyes.

"You should listen to your mother," Lea said cooly. "You wouldn't want to disappoint her." She knew that the mom-card would strike a chord with the girl. Dianna had always been her mom's little lamb, so there was no way she'd go against her wishes.

Dianna looked at Lea incredulously and shook her head in disbelief, all the while smiling from ear to ear. "You're something, Lady."

And with that, the girls were now roommates.

* * *

><p>2009<p>

After raiding Crate & Barrel, Restoration Hardware, and various thrift stores in West Hollywood, Lea and Dianna finally felt at home in their new house. Dianna's touches could be seen throughout their home. The old twin lens reflex camera on top of the vintage books on sketching and photography. The porcelain white owl that perched from the top shelf of the bookshelf, watching down with its great big blue eyes. The jar of miscellaneous buttons next to the vivid red coral. A small, but meaningful row of various copies of Alice in Wonderland and Pride & Prejudice. But most of all the yellow wall that served as a backdrop to a collage of black and white framed pictures that served as a pictorial representation of people, events, and things that have had the fortune to be deemed worthy of Dianna's admiration.

Lea made that wall within one week of meeting Dianna. It was a badge of honor, but once would not do. Lea's goal was simple, be a part of or inspire at least 3/4 of that wall.

Not to be outdone, Lea permeated the house as well. Her biographies of Barbra Streisand, Sandra Bernhard, and Audrey Hepburn sat on the coffee table, while her framed autographed playbills from Les Mis, Wicked, Rent, and Hairspray lined the entrance hallway. All things shiny were a reflection of Lea – the mirrors, silver candlestick holders, and faux-crystal chandeliers.

They were different, but it worked. They teased each other, laughed, cried, and were the happiest either had been in a very long time. Sometimes Dianna would put in a random fake wax fruit among the real fruit, waiting for the day that Lea would grab the wrong one. Leas was pissed the first time she bit into wax, but after seeing Dianna laugh so hard that she collapsed to the floor holding her stomach, it became one of Lea's favorite things to do.

"So tonight, I think we should change it up a bit. Instead of Bravo or Disney movies, how about we watch a suspense thriller?" Lea had a little too much to drink at dinner and wanted an excuse to cuddle close to her favorite blonde AND they were do for a thunderstorm.

To Lea, Dianna was an enigma. They were closer than any platonic friend she'd ever had, and not just emotionally. Lea always pushed the boundaries in the smallest ways. Whether she left her hand on the blonde's knee too long, ran her hand down the entire length of her back while ushering her forward to meet someone new, or tracing her ears and jawline as she lazily ran her fingers through her hair while watching tv.

Popcorn made, wine poured, and throws and pillows in place, Lea popped in The Strangers and turned off the lights. "You can't watch a scary movie with the lights on," she said as if it were a fact known to the entire world. _The sky is blue. You watch scary movies in the dark_. See, the same.

"I have to warn you: One, crazy psychos have always been a fear of mine, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Zodiac Killer to name a few; two, I may scream out loud; and three, you may find me hiding behind the nearest object I can find," Dianna warned.

"Shh, shh, shh, it's starting Lady," Lea shushed pretending she didn't just hear the cutest disclaimer in her life.

In Dianna's defense, she only screamed 3 times, dropped her bowl of popcorn once, and hid behind a pillow and Lea once, respectively. They held hands after the first half hour of the movie, much to Lea's approval. She rubbed circles on the back of her Lady's knuckles anytime she could tell she was getting scared, earning a sigh of relief from her doe-eyed blonde.

Dianna stretched and yawned, "Well, I'm never going to randomly move out into the country. Thanks a lot Lady. If I have nightmares tonight, it's all your fault. How can you live with yourself?"

"I manage," Lea said nonchalantly.

"I hate you."

"No you don't, Di. You love me…and you know it." _I'm tipsy, I can always blame it on the booze later._

"…. Goodnight Lea. I'm going to try to go to sleep after that horrid movie, and in **this** storm no less."

"Oh, ok. Night lady." _Did she catch that? Did I say too much?_

The girls got ready for bed, and with a bottle of wine in her system, give or take, Lea was ready to hit the sack. She took off her sweatpants, bra, and tank top and changed into her favorite oversized Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt. Wine always made her flushed. She didn't need the sweatpants adding to that heat – Dianna had already done her damage on that front.

Every time Lea was about to drift to sleep, a thunderclap forced her eyes open and caused her to cling to her sheets a little tighter. _Argh, I just want to sleep_.

Not 15 minutes after she jumped in bed, reveling in her cool Egyptian cotton sheets, the door to Lea's room creaked open. _Oh my god, The Strangers!_ The floorboards gave way to external pressure. _I don't want to look! I shouldn't have watched that movie! Have they already gotten Dianna?_ The sheets were briefly pulled back, the bed dipped under additional weight, and body heat now radiated onto Lea's back.

"Dianna? Oh my goodness you scared me! I seriously thought you were coming to kill me!" Lea scolded in relief, still keeping her back turned to the blonde.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you, but I can't sleep," Dianna whined. "Can I sleep with you? It's the least you could do after making watch that stupid movie in this weather."

_CRACK_!

"SEE! I've never liked lightning, Lea. Just for tonight?"

Lea had turned her head around and saw those beautiful pouty lips that made her mouth water. How could she say no to that face when all of her being was screaming yes? Lea was glad it was dark because if Dianna could see the predatory look in her eyes, she would probably retract her offer.

"Only if you say the magic words." _Take me now. I mean, what?_

"Pleeease. Pretty pleease with a cherry on top? Abracadabra? Lea's the best? Meccaleccahi-mecca-hiney-ho?"

Lea laughed, "Ok ok, you got it. You can stay. Just don't hog the blankets."

Lea was now facing the blonde, and although it was dark, she could make out the faint outline of her blinding smile. "Thank you," she said.

Dianna turned around, now with her back to the brunette. It was only now that Lea realized that she was only wearing a shirt and panties, too. _This has to be illegal_.

Lea couldn't get comfortable in her bed because her instincts told her to hold the blonde. _I can't help it, I have to._

Dianna's close proximity instantly sobered Lea. _I don't know how Cory manages to be this close to her without exploding, but that would explain Finn's little problem._ Her heart began pounding faster as she slowly inched her body closer, closing the gap between them one centimeter at a time.

Lea slowly reached her arm under the covers, reaching out impossibly slow toward Dianna. Her hand, hovering impossibly close over Dianna's side, feeling as if there was an invisible force field around her body made of charged particles that made Lea's hand tingle with anticipation.

She allowed her fingertips to graze the blonde's side. Dianna tenses for a split-second but then immediately relaxed under Lea's touch. This gave Lea the confidence to slide her hand down slowly, resting over the smooth valley between the girl's ribs and hips. _To go north or south? That's the question._

Hyperalert, Lea noticed the blonde slightly rustle her legs. She took advantage of this movement and let her big toe lightly run down Dianna's calf to her ankle. She jerked her leg slightly, but didn't say a word.

Her hair smelled sweet like candy, yet fruity too. Her clothes smelled like clean linen. But it was Dianna's scent, a unique scent that couldn't be bottled up, but lord knows Lea would buy it in bulk if she could. It was this smell that intoxicated Lea, that would infiltrate her brain and fester in the section of "Things I'm obsessed With."

Smell is the sense that is the most strongly related to memory. Lea knew that and was so grateful at this moment for never getting a nose job that could have hindered her sense of smell and thereby, never truly getting the essence of Dianna.

Emboldened, she began to trace small circles on the girl's side with her thumb, feeling the thin material of her shirt move slightly beneath her while running her foot along her ankle.

Stillness – relaxed, not tense.

She moved closer. Now pressed flush against her strong back. She must have felt Lea's hardened nipples on her shoulder blades through the thin material of her shirt. Her hand took over. Lea glided her hand down her torso, feeling her tight strong abs under her soft skin. At her touch, they contracted, but still Dianna said nothing. Lea's foot now stroked up and down her calf.

A pang of heat and desire had settled in Lea's core. Her body was hot. She prodded Dianna's calf with her foot, and she moved her left leg forward, allowing Lea to entwine their legs. Her strong thigh came in contact with the back of Dianna's thigh. She felt a similar heat radiate off her core. Her legs were silky smooth and her ass was now in a perfect position to spoon Lea's front.

Lea pushed her thigh between her legs, staying away from her core, but feeling her lower half nonetheless. Dianna ground her ass into Lea, causing the brunette to grasp at her torso and dig her face into her hair. Lea's nose was at Dianna's ear. She was sure she could hear her quickened breaths with great clarity. She also knew that her exhalations were tickling the girl's neck, causing a slight moan to emanate from her throat.

Fire. Lea wanted to take the girl, right then, right there, but she couldn't. She couldn't dare to ruin their friendship. She didn't know what to call this, what was happening at the moment, but that didn't matter. What mattered was, she was grinding into Dianna's ass, feeling her stomach, practically rubbing her thighs and calves raw, and making her moan.

She dragged her hand further south, causing a moan to escape the girl's mouth. Lea smiled and let out an audible whimper into the blonde's ear, wishing she could see her mouth react to her movements. She moved her hand to the girl's hip, feeling the lace band of her panties beneath her hand, and slowly moved down to her thigh. Dianna's curves were in the all the right places. She left a trail of goose bumps as she travelled south, stopping right above her knee.

Dianna's back arched causing her ass to grind down hard on Lea's front. Lea responded by pushing back onto her, holding onto her thigh, and using it as leverage to grind harder.

Lea opened her mouth and let hot air run over the girl's neck. Another escaped moan. She pushed her head back allowing more access to her neck. Lea breathed heavier, licking her lips loudly, and blowing into her ear. Her hands ran up and down her thighs, above her hips, and onto her torso. Dianna's shirt slid up from Lea's movements and she dipped her hand below it.

She felt the twitch of her abs. The heat between them reaching new heights. They ground into each other. Legs moving, feet dancing, hands tracing. Lea could feel the slickness between her legs every time she rubbed between Dianna.

The blonde's hands never touched the brunette but were instead gripping onto the sheet in front of her.

_I could fucking cum off of this,_ Lea thought. Her nipples were digging into Dianna's back. She moved the blonde's shirt up slightly in the back and moved her own as well. She needed to feel as much skin as possible.

Like a lightning bolt surged through their bodies, their skin connected, making both girls moan in unison. Dianna was now rubbing her legs together in attempts to alleviate the yearning between her legs, but she needed more. Lea instantly knew what she was doing, and knowing that she made Dianna horny enough to rub herself, she took the reigns.

Lea pushed her thigh up hard, making contact with the blonde's center. It was hot and moist and easily one of the best things Lea's ever felt. Dianna moaned loudly. Lea scratched her stomach lightly, dipping her fingers lower and lower but never daring to go below her panties. Dianna began to rock herself onto Lea's thigh while Lea pumped into her ass.

Lea's juices couldn't be contained anymore and were making their way down her thigh. "Oooh," she moaned into the blonde's ear. "Mmfph." "Aaah."

As if granting her permission, Dianna began to let out soft steady moans. "Ohh, oh yeah. Unfh. Mmm. Uh! Mmm." Lea kept a steady rhythm, grabbing Dianna's hips for leverage. She could tell she was close and didn't want to ruin their movements.

She dipped her hand under the lace band on her hip, moving ever so slightly toward her navel, making sure not to touch anything that could scare away the blonde. "Oh my god," Dianna whimpered. "Oh my god. Oh, oooh, mmh."

Speeding up her thighs and grinding harder into the girl, Lea ran her hand up her torso, raking her fingernails along the way, and glided between the two soft mounds on her chest. She could feel her heartbeat racing. She traced the edges of where the mounds begin to escalate from her chest, feeling the feathery soft pliable skin that made her mouth water.

At these new sensations, Dianna was being pushed off the precipice. "Cum for me," Lea husked into her ear.

"Leaaaaahhhooow ooohh!" Dianna screamed out and she writhed against Lea's smaller body. Lea could feel her orgasm through her abs. She felt all her muscles tighten and convulse. Her thighs gripped lea's leg still. She jerked once, twice, three times.

Release. Her body melted into Lea, as she snuggled tightly against her, placing her hand over Lea's resting on her torso.

_This girl is going to be the death of me and I wouldn't have it any other way._


	3. Chapter 3 Happy Birthday

Two weeks had past since the night they dare not speak of, but Lea didn't really feel like it was necessary to understand what Dianna was thinking. Nothing had changed – at least not for the worst. There was no awkwardness. It was almost as if the _oh hey, remember when I made you cum last night_ situation was as ordinary as Lea cooking dinner for the blonde. _Italian or Mediterranean? _

Like before, the girls were inseparable, minus the fact that they now slept together every night. The next sleepover was Lea's idea, well, suggestion really. She invited herself into Dianna's bed by simply following her into her room when they decided to go to sleep. That was all the precedent either girl needed to take it upon themselves to sleep with the other, but Lea could never find the right opportunity to be intimate with the blonde.

On set, everyone noticed the closer proximity and level of comfort between the girls. Between takes Lea would seek out the blonde and chit-chat about idle things, like what they were going to do after rehearsal or how bad they felt for Cory as he struggled learning the newest dance steps, all while holding hands, hugging the other, or sitting on each other.

Lea scene had just been filmed and it was now time for a Cheerios segment. Although Lea was done for the day, she told her roommate that she'd stick around and take her home when she was done. Lea planned on going over some lines, but really it was just an excuse for her to show her Lady how chivalrous she could be.

Chris watched as Lea sidled up to a chair behind the camera and crew with her script in hand, never peeling her eyes off of the blonde. He screwed his eyes watching the girls stare at each other with an intimate fierceness. _I feel like I'm intruding on something by just being in the same room with them... I wonder what that's supposed to mean._

Lea's lips turned up on one side – a knowing smirk, flirtatious, perhaps. She could easily have been channeling her inner Puck.

Chris' curiosity was piqued. He needed some details ASAP. _Something has to be going on between these two._

"Lea?" Chris called, but the girl was transfixed on her blonde. He snapped his fingers three times in front of her face. "Lea? Hello? Anybody home?"

"Oh! Chris! I'm sorry. I must have been staring off somewhere. What's up?" _Shit did he catch me? No way._

"Can we talk? I feel like we haven't really had a chance to catch up in a while," he said honestly.

"Well you've been putting in all that work on _Single Ladies_, so I guess yeah, it has been a while. And, might I add, I think you're knocking it out of the park."

She smiled at him, showing her sincerity. She knew that he had felt nervous being the youngest and greenest cast member on set.

He let out a breath he had been holding and smiled. "Thanks… I really needed that, Lea. I'm just trying to hold my own, you know?"

She nodded with understanding. The boy was like a little brother in her eyes and it made her feel as if he needed to be protected or at least shown that he wasn't a screw up.

She tossled his perfect hair and crinkled her nose. "So what's new?"

"Well, I'd like to say that I've been dating, but our schedules don't really allow enough time to actually go out into the real world and find people to__date; let alone have the time to go on said 'date'. But… I have noticed that someone has been getting some extra… _attention_… on set lately. Care to share?" He nudged, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about, Chris. What are you insinuating?" _Damn. He noticed. Keep your cool._

"I don't know. I mean, Naya and Heather seem to have made instant best friends like you and Dianna."

"Uh huh…"

"And I mean they're always together, as are you two."

"Uh huh…"

"And they hold hands and talk about girly stuff, like girls often do."

"Uh huh… where are you going with this Chris?" _Act like you have no idea what he's talking about and he'll think it's completely normal girl behavior._

"But… I don't know. Maybe I'm just seeing things caused by my own personal sexual frustrations. Let me just be frank: Are you and Dianna… you know… close?"

"If that's you being frank, I'd hate to see you be vague," Lea laughed.

"Woops!" She whispered as the two were given death stares by the camera and sound guys.

"Well Chris, I'm assuming you mean friends. So yes, we have become 'close'," she air-quoted for added dramatic effect while giving him a wink.

He tisked. "That's not what I meant and you know it. You know, _close_ close."

"I don't kiss and tell, not that there's anything to really 'kiss' and 'tell' about, really. We're great friends. The best of, actually. It's like… she gets me, but in a way Jon doesn't," she said reverently, staring off into the distance at no point in particular.

"Not that Jon doesn't get me," she quickly rephrased. "Dianna…" She liked hearing the girl's name, she loved saying it even more. "Is such a unique person unlike any other I've ever encountered."

He nodded his head, showing her she had his attention.

"I feel like I can be myself around. Not that I have to hide who am I, but rather, that I never really knew who I _was_ until I met her. She's changed something within me, something's not the same. Did you know that her favorite book is Alice in Wonderland?"

He shook his head in the negative.

"Well, she reads it at least once a year. She doesn't do it habitually, only when she needs some clarity or a familiar friend. It's strange, her relationship with books. She feels as strongly about them as I do with music. And her musical choices! Our tastes are so different, yet similar at the same time. I don't really know how to completely to describe it."

She paused, wallowing in her fond memories of the blonde. Happy to be able to gush about her to someone who actually knew her.

"She quotes the book constantly. For instance, last week I was attempting to tell her about my day, but I was so flustered I didn't know where to begin. She told me, 'Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.' I looked at her incredulously. She simply replied, 'The King – Alice in Wonderland.'"

"She has this way about her, it would be hard for anyone to grasp, yet I find myself trying harder day after day. She challenges me, mentally, and unbalances me in the slightest of ways. And when she smiles, it's like it was reserved just for me, just for that day, just for that moment, and I smile back hoping I can maybe, just maybe, make her feel a 1/10 of the same."

Chris' eyes were huge, his jaw hanging open.

_Oh my God. Word vomit. I can't believe I just said all of that, gushing like I'm some lovesick puppy… Breathe in; breathe out, repeat._

"Wow – well!" The boy let out nervously. "I… I don't really know what to say, but I definitely didn't expect _that_."

He watched Lea as her eyes pled for him to say something, anything that would not make her a freak in his eyes.

He chose his words carefully. "Lea, we've all been there before."

"And it's unnerving," she finished. "No one's ever made me feel this way before. No one. But I don't know what to do about it. I mean, the fact that she's a girl doesn't scare me in the slightest. Who cares, right? I'm from New York for crying out loud – and she grew up in San Francisco!

No, what scares me is that it's all happening so soon. She's a better person than I am, but she encourages me to be better everyday, and she doesn't even know it. We sleep together, at night. Did you know that?"

"No! You what?" He screeched, earning more glares from the sound crew. "Sorry," he mouthed in their direction.

"You're sleeping together?"

"Not like that! In the literal sense, 'sleeping'. It's an unspoken arrangement. We follow the other into our own room at night, brush our teeth, and go to sleep… and I hold her." She paused a beat. "Is that weird?"

"Weird for a couple, no. Weird for 'friends,' yes." He replied matter-of-factly. "But that doesn't mean you should stop. If that's who you guys are, then by all means, go ahead. At least one of us is getting some."

"That's the thing. We're not 'getting some.' We sleep and that's it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be. Quite the opposite. Plus, we haven't really talked about it… 'us'… or whatever we are. I don't even know if she's gay," Lea said sadly.

"Gay, straight, bi, other, who cares? She can be Leasexual for all you know. Why put a label on your relationship. Just be."

Lea smiled up at the younger but wiser boy. She'd never have this much confusion with boys or girls before. She'd always been the one they sought after. And sex was a different story – _that_ she knew how to get. But when it came to relationships in which she was the hunter, she was at a loss.

"Based on the way you were both eyesexing each other before I came up to you, I'd say you're not alone, but you don't know if she's treaded those waters, so to speak, before either. I'd say push the limits, poke and prod for some intel, and if all else fails, make a move."

"Was she eyesexing me back? I thought I was just _wanting_ to see that she wanted me too. Oh my God, what do I do!" she panted aloud.

"Be yourself, and she'd be a fool to turn you down," Chris said genuinely.

- Late April -

Lea took Chris' advice to heart and was herself around Dianna. The blonde's birthday celebration was nothing but spectacular. Lea pulled out all of the stops to show her Lady Di just how she really felt about her and it proved to be a day she'd never forget.

Lea woke up first that morning, staring at the sleeping beauty before her. The sun showered the blonde with a yellow-orange tint, a beam of sunlight highlighting her mouth. Lea stared at her pink supple lips, licking her own, wishing she could kiss her and nibble her lower lip. She studied her mouth, nose, cheeks, chin, eyes, forehead, jaw, anything that would help her remember the minutest detail forever (heaven forbid she ever go blind).

Lea's breathing hitched while staring at the blonde, incapable of believing that someone so beautiful was sleeping right next to her, in her own bed, holding her closely under her shirt, legs entwined.

"I love you," she whispered, feeling as if at least saying it to the unconscious girl would alleviate some of the burden of the giant secret off her shoulders. She began to softly trace her fingers over the sleeping girl's exposed shoulder, as if her skin was sand and she dared not leave any evidence of her impressions.

Her soft mutterings caused the blonde to stir, her hazel eyes opening one at a time, blinking slowly, attempting to focus the girl in front of her.

"Good morning," she rasped out with sleep.

"Happy Birthday, Dianna," Lea breathed, barely above a whisper. The moment was perfect, delicate, movie worthy even, and deserved to be treated as such. Using her real name seemed more intimate to the brunette.

"Thank you for remembering," Dianna said with a tired smile, matching Lea's tone. "What time is it?"

"We have plenty of time before we have to be on set. It's time for your birthday breakfast, of course. But first you get your birthday hug," Lea smiled, raising her voice only slightly. Already entwined, she pulled the blonde closer, nuzzling the crook of her neck, leaving a soft kiss that might be construed as her resting her mouth, gripping the girl's back tightly. Dianna let out a soft almost inaudible moan at Lea's kiss, while they both let out a long contented breath at the extra pressure.

Lea didn't want to let go, nor did the blonde. So they both remained holding the other, breathing evenly on the other's neck. Lea couldn't resist the tingles the blonde's breaths were giving her, creating goose bumps on her back. Dianna felt them under her hands and rubbed small circles under Lea's shirt attempting to warm the girl up even though she knew she was the cause, not the temperature.

"This is nice," Lea rasped, her voice matching Dianna's when she first awoke.

"Mmhmm," Dianna sighed into Lea's ear.

Following her instinct and being 'herself,' Lea shifted her body so that she was now on top of the blonde, never breaking their hug. She waited for some sign of discomfort or rejection, but found none. Instead she felt Dianna's nipples harden beneath her, causing her mouth to water. Her body said to do something about the girl that was beneath her with hardened nipples that was languidly stroking her entire bare back, but her head told her to take it slow – it was going to be a long day.

So she compromised with herself. Lea moved her legs slightly between the blonde's, slightly pushing down on her center, rubbing her hardened nipples and torso against Dianna, as if trying to push herself up higher.

She gasped at Lea's motions, speeding up her kneeding of the brunette's back, allowing her hands to idle off to her sides, brushing against her round orbs. Lea moaned lightly and ground back lower onto the blonde's body. She felt the muscles in her thighs, strong, and was grateful she did those lunges she hated so much.

Soon, they fell into a rhythm. Up, down, back, forth. Kneeding, scratching, tracing. Panting, moaning, breathing. Kissing her neck, licking, sucking.

"Ok!" Lea said too loudly, pulling away suddenly. "I need to start your breakfast if we're going to get to the studio soon."

Flushed, she hopped off the blonde, rolled out from under the sheets suddenly bashful wearing only a t-shirt and underwear (which donned a moist spot). Lea grabbed for a pair of shorts, bending down so as not to bend over and expose herself.

Dianna enjoyed her Belgian waffles with Nutella and powdered sugar, with a side of fresh strawberries and kiwi, and before she knew it, they were off to the set.

The day went by quickly. Everyone wished Dianna a "Happy Birthday" and signed a card that Lea had picked out, but work was work. They would all celebrate together later at her dinner party.

Later that evening, Lea found herself waiting for Dianna at Little Dom's Restaurant nervous for the night ahead. _I hope it's perfect. I hope she likes it._ She had made the reservations months in advance, had the small guest list finalized 3 weeks prior, secured a delicious and tasteful birthday dessert, and most importantly purchased what she hoped would be the perfect gift.

The cast and friends began to arrive. Lea's anticipation mounted. Finally, as if she had some sort of honing device, bat signal, or general Dianna-dar, Lea spotted her Lady walking into the restaurant, looking around tentatively for her party. She was breathtaking in her jade green dress draping off her shoulder asymmetrically, accentuating her assets, and ending just above the knee. Her eyes, picking up the color of the dress, matching and smoky, while her hair was up with a slight pomp in front and a loose messy bun above her neck.

Lea was lost for words. Dianna was being shown to her table and began to greet all her guests. Lea remained petrified, physically unable to move her body or form words. Dianna had made the rounds and finally approached the brunette.

"Lea this is wonderful. Thank you so much for this amazing birthday," she said softly into Lea's ear while hugging the girl. "And you look… absolutely amazing."

Lea hugged the girl in return and mechanically said, "Anything for you Lady." She knew she looked good, that was the point, but it was reaffirming to hear that the object of her affections thought so too. She wore a dark blue strapless dress, with a plunging neckline just below her sternum with diagonal gathers to the right. Her hair was down in loose curls, flowing over her left shoulder. Makeup slight, her body adding natural blush.

The dinner went smoothly. Everyone was laughing, eating, drinking, sharing stories from the set or being out and about with Dianna. Lea sat next to Dianna at the table, draping her arm behind her chair, rubbing her shoulder to grab her attention, keep her warm, or assuage her during any embarrassing stories. Soon it was time for gifts.

Dianna received a few cards with money, iTunes gift cards, some jewelry from Amber, and two beautiful silk scarves from Telly. Lea's gift was last.

_I hope I got it right. I hope this'll win her over._

"Now, I just want to preface this, I tried my best to buy you something that you wouldn't buy yourself, that you didn't know you needed, and have never mentioned wanting it before. That being said, happy birthday Lady. I hope you like it," Lea managed to announce, all the while her hands trembled.

She pulled out her gift – a rectangular shape, no bigger than a cigar box. Dianna looked at Lea with anticipation and peeled away the crisp wrapping. Red appeared beneath the paper with a gold rabbit looking at a stopwatch. She tore the paper off completely, and gasped.

"Lea? Alice in Wonderland? It's amazing!" she beamed and began flipping through the pages. Inside the cover, she found a note with Lea's handwriting. _"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."_

"It's absolutely wonderful, but Lea this looks old… and expensive."

She looked down shyly. "It's a 1st edition from 1921 with colored illustrations. 'What is the use of a book without pictures or conversation?'"

The girls were in their own world. The quotes passed over everyone and they watched as these "friends" shared insider knowledge that demonstrated that they were special to each other, almost _extra_ special.

"You're right, dear Alice. Thank you for this amazing present. I can't wait to read it and add it to my collection!"

Lea was through the roof. _She loved it, she loved it, she loved it!_

At the end of the night, everyone said their goodbyes and wished Dianna a happy birthday, at least for whatever time remained of it.

"I know we didn't come here together, but can you drive me back?" Lea asked.

"Of course, Lady! You didn't think I was going to make you take a taxi, did you?"

The girls walked toward Dianna's car arm in arm. Once in, Lea pulled out a CD from her purse. "I figured we could use some music so I made a birthday-ride home playlist… What?" she said incorrigibly, defending her actions at the look of disbelief on Dianna's face. Dianna merely smiled and shook her head at the girl on her right.

Soon they were driving. Lea knew she only had 25 minutes, tops from the restaurant to their house, so she skipped ahead to Track 3.

The music began to play and Lea began to hum along to the opening measures of sound.

"What is this? It doesn't sound like something you'd listen to," Dianna stated.

"I'll let you know Ms. Agron that it is a band I happen to love; I was inspired from the film Garden State and have been hooked since. I can like indie music, too, you know."

Lea began to sing along. She reached over for Dianna's hand on the gear shift.

"_These mishaps you bubblewrap when you've no idea what you're like. So let go, let go. Jump in. Oh well what you waiting for? It's alright, cause there's beauty in the breakdown."_

Slowly, Lea made her way from her hand to her thigh, causing the blonde to place both hands on the wheel, knuckles turning white. She seethed through her teeth, biting her lower lip. Side glancing quickly toward Lea.

Lea's fingers began to walk down her thigh, meeting the hem of the dress, and making contact with her creamy flesh.

"_Such boundless, pleasure we've no time for later now you can't await your own arrival you've twenty seconds to comply."_

Dianna spread her legs slightly, constricted by her dress. Lea's fingers reached up further and further, pulling the dress up with her, rubbing her hands up and down the blonde's thighs. She could feel the heat emanating from Dianna's core and wished her dress were looser.

The song had changed, but Lea didn't stop humming the tune. She scratched Dianna's thighs, earning a hiss and a moan.

"I can't drive any faster. We're almost there," she panted. Lea's eyes were glazed over and hearing those words from her Lady made her instantly wet.

"Then pull over."

"Almost there."

"Hurry."

Their street was in sight. Lea unbuckled both of their buckles. Dianna parked the car and opened the door as quickly as possible, leaving her gifts in the back seat.

Lea rushed ahead and unlocked the door, pulling Dianna within earnestly.

"I want you _so_ bad," Lea husked, while licking her lips and staring into Dianna's eyes.

"Is this part two of my present?" she asked teasingly.

"No. This is me," Lea closed the space between them, pressed her front against Dianna pushing her against the door with her hand behind her head, and met her lips with her own. She had been eyeing her bottom lip for what seemed like eternity and sucked on it with lust and discovery.

The blonde parted her mouth and Lea was met with her warm tongue. She moaned with abandon and dug her fingers into the base of Dianna's neat blonde hair.

"I like this," Lea said between kisses. "Why haven't we been doing this all the time?"

Dianna pulled back abruptly. "All the time? Why would we?"


	4. Chapter 4 Dinner & A Movie

A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger! Hope this was fast enough. Thanks for reading :)

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><p>Lea blinked hard and licked her swollen lips. She was thoroughly confused by Dianna's response.<p>

_What? What does she mean by _that_? It was supposed to be a rhetorical question! Oh God, she's staring at me waiting for an answer. Quick! Think of something to say. Something – anything._

"Uhh… what?" Lea stammered. _Smooth. Real smooth._

Dianna smiled discreetly, still only inches from Lea's mouth. "You said 'all the time.' What did you mean by that?"

The brunette pushed herself away from the blonde. She needed the added space to allow her brain to function properly, quelling thoughts of ravishing the girl before her.

"Well…." _Stall, stall, think of something that won't piss her off. _"It was… a figure of speech," Lea finally choked out. She put on her actor's mask quickly and composed herself. "I like kissing you. I think it would be fun to do it again," she said confidently, teasingly.

"Oh. Well, I guess I do, too. But I was thinking this would be a one time thing," the blonde stated bluntly.

Lea was caught off guard, yet again. "'One time thing?' Why would it have to be a one time thing?" _Oh no, that sounded desperate._

Dianna chuckled. Lea smiled in return but her intuition told her she wasn't going to like the answer.

"Lea, I'm not looking for a relationship right now: boy or girl. I really want to focus on my career. And I don't do 'fuck buddies.' I thought we were just 'girls being girls' while the boys were away."

The shorter girl scoffed. She stepped further away, one hand on her hips, the other upturned. "Excuse me! 'While the boys are away?' What is that supposed to mean?" she questioned, channeling her inner Mercedes. "Last time I checked that was a sorry excuse women used in the 50s to explain their true feelings." Her hands crossed in front of her chest, her cheeks flushed with anger.

"Look, Lea, I didn't mean to offend you. It's a figure of speech," she prodded. "Truthfully, your present tonight was amazing and you're the best friend I could have ever asked for. But I've never _been_ with a girl before, especially one as talented and beau – one, like you. Plus, you're a huge flirt, Sarfati, so it's not like I'm special. You've got them lining around the block for you and I'm just 'the friend.' I have better chances picking off your leftovers." Dianna stated peering directly into Lea's eyes. She took a step closer and put both hands on her shoulders. "I don't want to mess up what we have now. Can't we just leave it?"

"What we have now… is what exactly? You're one of my best friends, Lady, but… we aren't strictly platonic either," Lea said unknowingly, hoping that the giant pink elephant in the room would finally be given the time of day. "You're amazing, Dianna. Any guy, person, animal, that doesn't see that is a fool, and you're crazy for thinking you'd have to settle for my sloppy seconds. You know I'm a charitable person, I'd happily let you have first bite," she derided with a wink.

I'm an affectionate person Di, you know that, but there are _certain_ affections I reserve for _certain_ people… that is, if _certain_ people will have me. _Those_ persons don't have to speak up all at once. _They_ don't have to make any decisions or place any labels on their _certain_ feelings. If there's one thing I share with Rachel, it's my fierce loyalty, and I'm offering it to a _certain _person, in time, if she wants it."

There was no more Lea could say. She didn't want to scare off the blonde, nor make her feel pressured to jump into a Sapphic world she was unfamiliar with. But most importantly, she didn't want to lose her best friend.

Dianna rolled an imaginary penny on the ground with her toe, smiling and reverential. "I'll give her the message."

Lea smiled sheepishly and stepped closer to the blonde. "Good, because this _certain _person is tolerable and handsome enough to tempt me," she paraphrased and let out a small laugh, showing the girl that she actually read the books she knew were important to her. "Happy Birthday Lady Di. I don't know what you wished for when you blew out your candles, but I got my wish." She licked her lips. "I don't want to ruin anything, but I think I'll ruin more if I don't do this." She tilted her head up, cupped her face, and gently kissed the taller girl. She was not refused and began to deepen the kiss. Dianna's hands soon tangled in Lea's loose hair.

"You're not supposed to make a wish on my birthday candles. Wish hog," she said between kisses. "Now mine won't come true."

"What did you wish for?" Lea asked breathily between much deeper, longer kisses.

"Mum's the word, just in case there was a little magic left in those candles."

The night ended in an intense, yet intimate make out session. Lea had a new resolve to persuade the blonde that she could have a relationship, with a girl no less, _and_ work on her career. She would win over her heart slowly but surely. She had to, it's what she wished for.

- Summer -

The girls had never given their relationship an official title, but the feelings they had for one another were clear as crystal. Although they did the normal things they did together as "friends," Lea had a new sense of who she was to Dianna and visa versa.

They'd drive to the coast and spend the day walking on the sand. Lea spent lots of money that summer trying to win her Lady prizes at the boardwalk. They'd shop, go to coffee houses, and have dinner/movie parties at their place. Lea would read magazines or a book that her Lady had suggested, while Dianna would chuckle out loud or secretively tear up at the latest book that she was engrossed in. Their emotions were strong, but Lea stayed true to her word – she wouldn't pressure the blonde into a relationship or into a label. They would just be. They were themselves. Two girls enamored with the other. That was enough for Lea.

"I have an idea," Lea announced. "Let's go out! How does a nice dinner followed by the adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt and breathtaking Zooey Deschanel sound? I think I even heard some Regina Spektor and The Smiths!"

"Amazing is how that sounds! I've been wanting to see _500 Days of Summer_ for a long time."

"I know, which is why I'm taking my Lady out. It is the sensible thing to do after all," Lea flirted.

"But Lea… I don't know what to wear!"

"You could wear anything and still be stunningly beautiful and that's a fact. Or you could wear nothing. I'd be happy with that, too." Lea couldn't help but laugh at her own joke.

"Sarfati! Keep your mind out of the gutter, but I'll take the compliment, no matter how crude, anyway," she feigned offense.

They decided to pump themselves up for the movie with some music on their way to the theater after a quiet dinner. Dianna reached into Lea's purse on the center console and plugged in her iPod. She spun the dial until she found "Us" by Regina Spektor. Lea squealed with anticipation and began to sing along, miming the words.

"_The made a statue of us and put it on a mountain top. Now tourists come and stare at us blow bubbles with their gum, take photographs of fun, have fun."_

Dianna laughed at the brunette's caricature of a tourist taking pictures and joined in with her own rendition of the lyrics. Dianna proceeded to look for a new song to listen to while the iPod was in shuffle mode within the Regina Spektor playlist.

"_I never loved nobody fully, always one foot on the ground. And by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds."_

**NEXT.**

"_If you were falling, then I would catch you. You need a light, I'd find a match. Cause I love the way you say good morning and you take me the way I am."_

**NEXT.**

"_Take me out tonight where there's music and there's people who are young and alive. Driving in your car I never want to go home because I haven't got one anymore."_

"I LOVE this Smiths song!" Dianna exclaimed a little too loudly, obviously trying to cover up her embarrassment over the too-close-to-home meaning in the previous two songs. She stared out the window and rapt her fingers along with the beat.

Lea watched her out of the corner of her eyes and could see she was uneasy. "Di, it's ok. It's just us, on our way to a movie, and a cute one at that!" She reached over, pulled the iPod out of the blonde's hands, and interlaced their fingers. "We're almost there."

Both girls loved the movie. Lea was so excited she wanted to tweet about it. "Dianna, I'm gonna tweet it! Everyone should see that movie, and you made it all the more enjoyable."

"You get exposed to twitter once, and now you're a tweeting machine," she said rolling her eyes in fake mockery. "Heaven forbid you learn Tumblr."

"Oooh, what's that!"

"It's kind of like the lovechild of facebook and live journal with a little twitter on the side."

Lea's face was blank. Dianna laughed. "Never mind, I'll have to show you some day."

A comfortable silence ensued before Lea broke it. "I had a great time tonight. I really love spending time with you, just the two of us."

"I do too," said Dianna. "I wouldn't mind doing things like this all of the time…"

Lea picked up on the girl's implied sense of longevity. "As in, like, dating or something?"

"Yeah. I love hanging out with you, Lea. I love reading to you, going on walks with you, eating your cooking, listening to your stories, kissing you, cuddling with you. I just love being with you… maybe we should try it – us," Dianna said awkwardly.

Lea flashed the blonde her award winning smile. "You don't know how long I've waited for you to say that. You're the only person I'd want to be with and the only person that has been running through my mind all night and day. I would be honored if I could call you mine, not that you're property, of course, but that… you know… what I meant was, what I meant to say was. Damn. Shit. Sorry. This was supposed to happen much smoother." _Steady breath._ "Ok. Dianna, will you be my girlfriend?"

"With a proposal like that, who could resist. Yes, yes, and yes."

Hand in hand, the girls walked into their home, but only now did it really feel like _their_ home. They had a home and they had each other.

"Do you think we should tell the cast?" Lea asked, trying not to push the blonde too fast too soon once they were settled onto their couch. "I mean, they may suspect or find out soon and I find that the best way to fight a rumor is to beat everyone to the punch with the truth." Lea played with blonde's hands, almost as if she were trying to play Itsy Bitsy Spider with both of their hands.

"Funny you mention that… Naya and Cory have already asked me a few times about us. I didn't feel like I was in a place to give us a label, so I pled the 5th but I think that only cemented their suspicions. Honestly, I don't care if they know. They should know, they're our friends. I'm sure they'll support us, just like we support Chris."

"Yay!" Lea squealed with excitement. "Then I propose we have a little get together at our place. You know, have everyone over, a little food, drinks, dancing, and just be ourselves for them all to see. Does that sound like fun?"

"Yeah, I like that idea. Actions speak louder than words, and if they have to ask, then they don't really know us."

"OH I know! Even better, we can make it an 80s dance party!" Lea quickly extracted her phone from her purse and texted the crew.

_Food and 80s music. Our place. Tuesday. 8 pm. :) Lea & Di_


	5. Chapter 5 What A Feeling

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews. I'm glad some of y'all caught the tweets! I'm sorry for the late post, but between school, work, and studying, it gets kind of hard to write. Especially the smut. I really wanted to give it special attention. This fic goes right up to the 2011 tour, and there will be 12 chapters, the last two have already been written.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

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><p>"Ok, the hors d'oeuvres are ready. The vodka's chilled. My iTunes playlist has 8 hours of music, just in case. I put up all the glass and fragile decorations that could be broken. The restroom is clean and there is plenty of toilet paper. Umm… is there anything I'm missing?" Dianna asked after going through her mental checklist.<p>

"Nope! Sounds like you got it covered!" Lea yelled back from within her bedroom. "Just finishing up my makeup!" Lea popped out of her room donning her 80s-tastic outfit. Her hair was gathered on the left side of her head in a rocking crimped side-pony, exemplifying her bright purple hair extensions. Her eye shadow was a bright blue sharply contrasting her hot pink lipstick and blush. She wore an oversized cut-off grey sweatshirt off her shoulders, teal knee-length tights with a yellow belt, and pink leg warmers over silver heals. "What do you think?" She asked as her movements created a small cacophony, her necklaces and bracelets jangling.

"You look like my bodacious JAP. Totally gnarly," Dianna said in her best Valley Girl accent.

Lea laughed. "Oh my god. Please never say that again." She walked forward and grabbed her girlfriend's hand, observing her perfect neon orange manicure. "I think you're totally rad," she mimicked. She pulled her girlfriend closer, staring straight ahead into those beautiful hazel eyes that stared right back at her. _Thank goodness for these heels._ "Tonight's going to be a good night. I feel it," she said as she kissed her softly. "And we're," _kiss_ "going to dance," _kiss_ "the night away" _kiss_.

Hazel eyes capture brown. "Thank you," Dianna said with a small yet sincere smile.

"For what?" Lea asked, never breaking eye contact, her hands now on the taller girl's hips lightly swaying together like wheat in a field.

"For being you. For being so wonderful. For giving me time. For this party and for being you."

Lea's heart swelled with her loving confession. "You said that twice," she said smiling teasingly. "Although, I can understand why. I am pretty awesome, but you forgot to mention sexy," punctuating her statement with a wink.

The girls' flirtations were cut short by the doorbell. "They're here!" Dianna squealed out with excitement.

"Naya! Heather! Cory! Thanks for coming. Your outfits are totally gnarly!" Dianna gushed, Lea standing behind her with one arm around the blonde's torso lovingly and slightly possessive. She stepped out from behind her girlfriend.

"Ta-daa! What do you guys think?" Lea asked.

"Hawt." Heather said blankly, followed by a laugh. "Totally digging the heels and leg warmers, Lea," Naya complimented. "You look like you're really dressed up to jazzercise," Cory noted.

"I think I'm going to rock this during our next choreo session, and Naya, you truly are a vision of the Material Girl. Heather… I don't think I've ever seen anyone pull off a highlighter yellow leotard as flawlessly as you have," Lea observed with a chuckle. She walked up to Cory, who had already begun to help himself to some cheese and crackers, and squeezed his biceps. "I think this Miami Vice look really works for you, Cory. White pants are totally your forte."

Soon, the rest of the cast found themselves dancing in the girls' living room. "We're the Michaels," Kevin explained, pointing between himself, Dijon, and Harry. "Don't forget me," Chris chimed in.

"So you're 'Thriller Michael'," Lea said pointing at Kevin, "You're 'Beat It Michael'," she said pointing at Dijon, "And you're…. well, which Michael are you?" she asked pointing and Harry.

"I'm Michael Bolton, duh." Harry answered. "And I'm George Michaels," Chris said with a twirl.

"I have an announcement everyone." Lea said, turning down the music to get everyone's attention. "Soon, we'll be in millions of Americans homes. It's so exciting I can barely stand it, but promos, interviews, and meet and greets will take us by storm in about a week, too. So tonight, let's forget about all of that, drink up, and DANCE!"

She raised her cup in a toast, knocked it back, and officially kicked off their dance party.

David Bowie's voice filled the house. _Let's dance! Let's dance, put on your red shoes and dance the blues_

Lea grabbed her Lady close and danced .

_Let's sway, while color lights up your face_

_Let's sway, sway through the crowd to an empty space_

She sang along to the lyrics, pulling the blonde's hips to meet her own and swayed them together to the beat of the music. The heat from Dianna's body warming Lea's. The brunette laughed and stepped away from her dance partner quickly.

_If you say run, I'll run with you_. She sang along while doing the Running Man.

_And if you say hide, we'll hide._ Now playing peek-a-boo.

_Because my love for you would break my heart in two if you should fall into my arms and tremble like a flower._ Making a heart over her chest, breaking it, and fainting into her girlfriend's arms.

_Let's dance!_ Quickly regaining her balance and dancing like normal in a split second. Lea was genuinely having a great time. She was being herself – happy, goofy, and sexy.

They walked like an Egyptian, did the locomotion, got physical, denied that Billie Jean was their lover, declared that another one bit the dust, and formed a soul train to "I'm Coming Out," while Chris used a scarf and sunglasses to sashay down the line, looking fierce.

Everyone forgot about the grueling schedule that was perching on their horizon, but nobody missed the way the two girls grinded on each other, stole glances, and snuck the occasional kiss.

A familiar beat started playing, one of Lea's personal favorites.

"I love this song!" She shouted dropping her pink drink onto the table, quickly grabbing her girlfriend's hand and dragging her away from a conversation she was having with Mark. She may or may not have been slightly jealous that he was talking so closely to the blonde.

_Easy ready willing overtime. Where does it stop, where do you dare me to draw the line? You've got the body now you want my soul. Don't even think about it say no go._

Lea held firmly onto Dianna's hips, almost possessive. She writhed her body to the music dripping with a sensuality that had only been reserved for the blonde behind closed doors. Her hands snaked up the blonde's sides, fingers spread, touching every bit of the girl before her with a ravenous hunger. Lea's hands then flew to her own body slightly lifting her sweatshirt, showing her girlfriend exactly what she had – curves, hot tan skin, and a very aroused girlfriend.

_Now I'll do everything that you want me to. Yeah I'll do almost anything that you want me to._

The brunette quickly grabbed hold of her girlfriend again, grinding her thigh between her parted legs. She placed her hand behind the blonde's neck and whispered the lyrics into her ear, licking her lobe ever so briefly. Her hot breath caused goosebumps to creep up Dianna's neck. She let out a moan into Lea's ear, turned on by the girl's forwardness and obvious desire, notwithstanding the crowd that was before them.

The rest of the crew were surprised by the immediate change their starlet was displaying. They didn't know whether they should watch the R-rated scene before them or take the hint that it was time for everyone to go home.

_But I can't go for that, no can do. I can't go for that._

Lea turned quickly, pointing up and down. First to Cory, then to Mark. Flashing a smile with a shrug of her shoulders as if to say 'Too bad.' She turned her attention back to her girlfriend, this time grinding behind her, allowing the blonde to take control.

"I can go for a lot of things; **any** thing you want from me," Lea husked into Dianna's ear. "I **can** go for that. right. now."

Dianna could feel the brunette's urgency. The blonde reached behind her, holding the brunette closer taking advantage of their equal height and ground her ass into Lea's front in time with the bass. Lea's head was spinning with thoughts of things she wanted to do to her girlfriend right there on their living room floor. "Dianna, take me to your bedroom. Now." Lea begged and ordered at the same time.

"But what about everybody else?" Dianna panted.

Lea stepped back from Dianna, never dropping her hand. "Ok everyone. Thanks for coming out tonight. You guys have quickly become some of our best friends and we had a blast. But now it's time for Dianna and I to sleep and stuff. So please let yourselves out and take any left over food. You're more than welcome to stay if you're not good to drive, but please leave the music on," she all but blurted out in a long stream of words. "Night!"

And with that she turned around and led Dianna down the hall to her room. Dianna let out a small wave behind her and a small "Night."

_I think we're alone now, there doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now, the beating of our hearts is the only sound._

"Well, that's just ironic," Naya laughed as the next song started to play. "Get it!" She yelled after the girls.

"That's so hot," Mark said, staring longingly down the hall contemplating if they'd mind some company. "I think we're thinking the same thing," Cory stated, looking equally as confused and hopeful at the same time.

"Don't **even **think about it," Chris interjected. "You have about as much of a chance as Ryan does with either of you."

"Damn," Mark said, not really minding the new situation. "Hey Naya, wait up!"

No one left the party. They were having a great time and didn't want it to end, so they simply turned the music up and began to play DJ, choosing their personal 80s favorites.

Lea pulled Dianna into her bedroom. She slammed the door shut and hugged her tight. "I want you so bad. All over me. I need to feel you. You feel so damn good, Di."

"Lea, you don't know what you're doing to me."

"Oh I definitely do; it's been my plan all night," she responded leaning into the blonde, smiling into her kiss. Lea sucked on the blonde's bottom lip, tasting the remnants of her drink, nibbling on the soft plump flesh. Dianna moaned, licking the brunette's top lip teasingly. There was no need to rush.

Lea broke their kiss momentarily, and slowly kissed the corner of the Dianna's mouth, deliberately licking the sensitive skin causing her to open her mouth in a moan and devouring the shorter girl's mouth. Their tongues crashed together. Each trying to feel the smoothness of the other, leaving no taste bud undiscovered. Their mouths were hungry for the others' taste.

The brunette moaned audibly into Dianna's mouth sending tingles straight to her growing wetness. Lea's hands raked through Dianna's blonde locks as she walked her backward. Her knees hitting the bed, Lea lowered her down grinding her core, pressing their bodies together.

Dianna's hands quickly snaked under the grey sweatshirt, tracing senseless shapes on Lea's tanned skin. Abs contracting, heart racing, breath harsh. Dusky nipples hardened. Dianna moaned as Lea ground her thigh into her center, simultaneously being surprised by the fact that her girlfriend wasn't wearing a bra.

The blonde alternated between rolling Lea's nipples and palming her breasts. Lea responded, her attention now focused on the girl's neck. She licked down her jaw line to the soft sensitive skin of her neck. She kissed it open-mouthed, tonguing the skin, grazing her teeth over the area lightly. Lea remembered they'd be in front of thousands of teenagers the next day, she couldn't leave any evidence behind.

"More," Lea breathed.

Dianna lifted her top overhead and tossed it to the floor. Lea followed suit and did the same.

"Oh my god. Everytime," the blonde managed to say, Lea understanding her perfectly. She licked down her creamy skin, paying attention to her collar bone, kissing the top of her breasts, down her stomach kissing and sucking, leaving her mark in the places that only they could see, swirling down to her navel. Lea was incensed. She was so close to her target and her girlfriend was so wet, she could smell her aroma. Her mouth watered instantly.

"Come up here," Dianna begged. Lea pulled away and was met by a yearning hot mouth. Dianna ravished her mouth, licking every millimeter, scraping the roof of her mouth, the underside of her tongue. Suddenly, she flipped Lea over. She kissed her way down her neck to her breasts, taking in each nipple. Circling it slowly, nibbling on its hard peaks, while rubbing and rolling the other in her hand. Lea was in heaven, moaning loudly and holding down the blonde's head. "Yes Dianna. God yes, just like that."

_I could cum just off of this_, Lea thought.

As if reading her mind, Dianna moved away from her breasts and went down to her torso, her hands trailing in her mouth's wake. Lea's hips bucked, begging her to relieve the need between her legs.

"You want it?" She asked the brunette sexily.

"Yes."

"You need it, don't you?"

"Yes, so bad."

"I need it, too." Dianna's right hand slowly ran down Lea's thigh. Her fingers tip-toed their way to her center. Her tongue never stopping it's assault on the girl's stomach. She slowly snaked her hand over her mound and gripped, causing the girl below her to moan and arch her back into her grasp. "Fuck!" she panted.

Her hand kneaded the spot, feeling the heat and moisture she was creating.

"Damn these tights!" Lea groaned. Dianna smirked, "Do you want me to take care of it?"

"No. Just watch," Lea replied. She slipped from under her girlfriend, staring straight at her with lust in her eyes. She finally heard the music that was playing down the hall, the theme from _Flashdance_. Although Lea was no Jennifer Beals, she started her own interpretation of the song in the form of a lap dance. Her body began moving to the beat, unbuckling her large belt. She stepped closer to the bed, lifting her leg onto Dianna's shoulder, bending in half and taking off her heel. Dianna's excitement increased seeing her girlfriends flexibility. Needing to touch Lea, the blonde slipped off her sock warmer. Lea took her leg back and let down her hair, shaking it loose, and tousling her hands through it. She lifted her other leg onto Dianna's shoulder, this time allowing the blonde to do all of the work.

She turned around and stepped away, swaying her hips. She hooked her thumbs at the waistline of her tights, stretching them out at her sides, and slowly peeled them down her hot skin. Wriggling inch by inch, bending in half showing Dianna her hot pink thong, and stepping out of the clothing. Almost completely naked, Lea sauntered back to the bed. She leaned in to kiss her girlfriend and reached around to unhook her bra, her left hand ready to massage her caged flesh.

Lea palmed the pale skin, pinching the blonde's hard pink nipples and earning a moan. She laid the girl back down as she quickly sucked and flicked each nipple, making her way down her girlfriend's body. Dianna's body instinctually reacted to Lea's touch.

"I need to taste you," Lea moaned, her mouth now hovering over the girl's skirt. She searched for hazel eyes, asking for permission or an acknowledgment to continue. Dianna's head was thrown back, one hand on her breast, the other on Lea's head, urging her on. Lea snapped back to the girls skirt, and with her teeth, began to pull it down.

"Oh my God, Lea." Dianna exclaimed. She helped the brunette and lifted her hips.

The brunette tossed her wild crimped hair and dove back down to the last obstacle before her. Again with her teeth, she slowly brought down Dianna's black lace boy shorts, letting her tongue drag on the underside of the fabric. She tasted a sample of her girlfriend, but she needed a full serving. The blonde groaned and jerked feeling Lea's hot wet tongue.

For the second, she searched for hazel eyes, and found hungry eyes. Lea kissed up the blonde's strong thighs and plunged a flat tongue into her swollen vulva. She slowly dragged her tongue from Dianna's aching hole to her hardened clit.

"Mmmfffhh ahhh. Oh shit, Lea. Ah, that feels soooo good baby."

"You're my new favorite taste," Lea informed her girlfriend, "And you know how much I love sushi."

Lea couldn't get enough of Dianna's juices. She plunged her tongue into her girlfriend's pussy, lapping in between every fold, flicking and nibbling on her clit. Diana's hips were rocking at a steady pace, but she needed more.

"Lea Sarfati, I need you inside of me."

Lea smiled into her wetness and audibly purred, sending shocking vibrations through the taller girl. She quickly placed a well manicured middle finger at her girlfriend's entrance, mentally praising herself for not giving into the lady at nail salon and keeping her short length.

Circling the entrance, she could feel Dianna contract around her finger.

"Fuck, Lea. Stop teasing me. I need you."

"I know you do, but I want to make this first time really really good. I want to make you cum all over my hand and scream my name."

"I'm gonna cum so hard, but I need you inside me first."

The brunette dipped her finger inside slowly, not past her nail bed.

"Mmmmmmooohhhh. MORE."

She retracted her finger and this time plunged to her second knuckle easily. She pulled out and plunged down to her palm with ease from her girlfriend's overflowing wetness.

"MORE."

She added a second digit slipping easily to her palm, once more.

"Oh YES!"

She started pumping in and out quickly, tonguing the girl's clit feverishly.

"I need to kiss you," the blonde begged.

Lea moved up to her mouth, her hand incessantly fucking away. Their mouths crashed; Dianna tasted herself and sucked Lea's tongue hard.

"I love the way I taste on you," she said between kisses.

"I love the way your body moves," Lea countered.

"Let's do this all the time," Dianna suggested.

"This isn't a one time thing," Lea teased, her fingers hooking up and hitting her girlfriend's spot.

"God, I hope not."

"Good, because I love making love to you."

"I love being loved."

Lea smiled and picked up her pace, hitting the bundle of nerves every time, adding a third finger.

"Oh yeah, like that. Shit, Lea. You fill me up so good. I'm gonna cum."

"Cum for me, Dianna. Cum all over me and I'll clean it all up."

"Oooohh, ooohhh, Leeeaaa, oohhh!"

The brunette delved her hand deep, and moved her fingers inside of her girlfriend, massaging every wall and her spot. She felt the blonde clench around her digits tightly, unable to move.

"LLEEEAA!" Dianna screamed out in pleasure. Her hips spasmed and shuddered underneath Lea. She ceased the movement of her fingers and slowly pulled out of her girlfriend, drenched in her bliss, bringing her down from her high.

She laid down next to her blonde, noticing a tear escape her clenched eyes. "Dianna are you ok? Was that ok? Did I hurt you?" Lea was worried their first experience was a disappointment.

The blonde gasped for air and exhaled loudly, her lips and cheeks puffing out. "No, Lea, you're amazing. That's the most intense orgasm I've ever had. Ever," she reassured. "These are tears of joy. I've never cum this hard before, I thought I was going to pass out," she laughed. Lea relaxing onto her girlfriend's hot body, sucking one finger at a time.

Dianna noticed Lea's movements. "I literally saw fireworks. Isn't that cliché? But, I'm not forgetting about you," she said greedily, pulling her last drenched finger in between both of their lips horizontally. Lips on lips. Tongues colliding, trying to lap up her sweet nectar.

"You're turn."


	6. Chapter 6 Damage Control

A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews/alerts. It brightens my day. This chapter is mainly development, but it's integral to the story. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 - Damage Control<strong>

_I thought a walk of shame only happened when you slink out of a someone's apartment at 6 a.m. after a crazy one night stand with half of your clothes in your hands or purse while smelling like a of a hobo that stole some Victoria's Secret lotions?_

Lea shuffled down her hallway wearing nothing but her cutoff grey sweatshirt and black bikini-cut panties. She covered her mouth while she yawned and stretched in the kitchen, looking out timidly at the sleeping strewn bodies in her living room. Naya and Heather were snuggled closely on the love seat couch; Naya laying on top of Heather like a sunbathing cat.

"Sleep well?" a soft sleepy voice called out. Chris was balled up on Dianna's 'reading chair' smiling sweetly in Lea's direction. He yawned, "I guess sleep wasn't really on your list of things 'to do', what with all those noises that were coming out of her room last night."

Lea blushed at the realization that they could be heard over the music last night.

"Uh, I'm jealous. You guys are so adorable together, it gives me a toothache," the porcelain-skinned boy deadpanned.

Dianna had sauntered out to the kitchen as well, hugging Lea from behind, and placing a loving kiss on her cheek. "You poured me some juice, too? You're too good to me," she said appreciatively nuzzling her nose into the shorter girl's neck.

"Get a room!" Chris yelled out, throwing a couch pillow toward the new couple.

"Hey! This is _our_ house. If you don't like it, you can leave a comment card on your way out," Lea half-heartedly defended in a stage whisper, mindful of her sleeping friends in the room.

"Love you guys!" Chris equally stage whispered back, digging his face back into the couch.

Lea looked into hazel eyes, still holding her from behind. "Do you hear that? We're loved." She smiled and kissed her girlfriend, happy and content with their new relationship and the possibility of a future together.

* * *

><p>Interviews, award shows, meet-and-greets, and anywhere else Ryan Murphy wanted to parade his latest success, all passed by in the blink of an eye. Glee was an instant hit garnering attention from Fox execs.<p>

_Lea, over here! Lea! Lea! Lea Michele, smile over here! Dianna! Dianna and Lea look this way!_

The press was relentless during their first red carpet since the airing of Glee, each one hungry to capture these up and coming stars. It was all so surreal for the new couple. Everyone was overjoyed and then some by the magnitude of the success that was Glee. This was just the beginning, and although it hadn't been formally announced, everyone knew that the network was picking up the second half of the show's freshman season.

"My cheeks are hurting," Dianna said through clenched teeth.

"Just keep smiling," Lea chimed back "and relax."

The girls had developed a game, a brain teaser of sorts that they would play to pass the time together, called _Ironic_. Lea was a big fan of Alanis Morissette. The game always started the same. Lea would say a lyric straight from the song, Dianna would say another one, and they'd alternate coming up with their own examples of things that would be considered _ironic, dontcha think?_

"It's a black fly in your Chardonnay," Lea stated quietly, leaning into her girlfriend and hoping to pacify her and pass the time.

"It's a free ride when you've already paid," Dianna responded, holding her girlfriend's waist tighter and laughing at her own automatic response.

"It's finding your keys locked inside your car."

_Lea, Dianna, this way. You look great! Smile!_

"Good one. Luckily that's never happened to me. Um… it's playing your girlfriend's worst enemy."

Lea laughed into the taller girl's chest. "At least you make up for it."

_Mark! Mark, over here!_

"I guess they're done with us," Dianna said escorting Lea down the red carpet beaming with pride.

* * *

><p>"Ladies, we need to have some words," Ryan said flatly belying the fake smile across his face.<p>

Lea thought he'd like to discuss some specific promotional interviews that'd he set up just for her during their Australian promo, and naively followed the tall man into a small conference room.

"Lena, what are you doing here?" Dianna questioned, caught off guard by the unexpected visit of her manager. A mixture of happiness, surprise, and concern in her tone.

"Joyce?" Lea said, equally as confused as her girlfriend.

Joyce, Lea's agent spoke first and frankly. "Lea, lovely as always, but we all need to have a talk. Please take a seat, there are some matters we need to attend to that could have serious impacts on _both_ of your careers." Joyce's voice was serious yet calm. Her eyes looking between Lea and Dianna's, all business.

"Joyce is right, ladies," Ryan mimicked. "We're concerned about your relationship… or at least, the way it's being perceived." He paused, looking between his stars for some flinch of telling emotions in their faces. "Is there merit behind these susurrations?"

"I do not believe I am privy to what you seem to be referring to, Ryan." Lea's senses were heightened. She refused to show the slightest bit of panic and chose to match the bald man's arrogant tone and locution.

Lena suspected a tense conversation on the horizon and decided to take a different approach. She knew they shouldn't have let Ryan do the talking in this meeting. "Dianna, Lea, please don't be alarmed or take offense," she attempted to appease with a smile. "Ryan, if I may." Reaching out her hand and patting Ryan's, with equal kindness and admonishment.

"There has been talk about the nature of your relationship to Lea. Yes everyone knows that you're roommates, and that's all fine and dandy when you're in college, but after the display you two have been putting on, what, at the red carpet, at the meet and greets, and on twitter, even. People are starting to suspect that your relationship is more than one of friendship, and honestly girls, we need to know because it could be a big game changer."

The older woman finished her diatribe, waiting for a response. This wasn't her first rodeo, she had been there and done that before. As if there are no gay actors in Hollywood, ha!

"Particularly for the network," said the man. "Fox is fine with having one out gay actor. It's a show about _show choir_ and he plays the gay character. Who better to play the role? We're not going to find another Sean Hayes anytime soon. I had to _fight_ for the green light on Chris, but they won't give me any more sway than that, at least, not yet."

"I don't understand. What does the status of our relationship matter to anyone, especially the studio. This is my private life. And what do you mean by a game changer?" Dianna asked. Panic breaking through her calm demeanor.

"Di, it ok. Of course it matters because we'll always be in the public eye, now. Fox needs us to seem available and desirable to the masses and if we're gay or non-straight or any deviation thereof, we've possibly closed off a market and the execs won't stand for that." Lea explained. She placed her hand on her girlfriend's under the table, feeling her trembling come to a halt.

She looked straight into Ryan's eyes, challenging him. "Did I get that just about right?"

"Right, Lea." Her agent responded. She would try to keep the man out of this conversation as much as possible. "Look, I know we've had this talk before…"

Dianna shot a quick glance to her girlfriend. Her face telling of unawareness.

"and I know where you stand, but we need to know where you stand with Ms. Agron."

"We're an item, if you must know, and happily so," Lea answered effortlessly. "Now what?"

Ryan blew out a long breath, his lips flapping together, his hand scratching over his head. "Ok, that's find, we can deal with this… and it's serious?"

Lea looked at the man incredulously. His question not worthy of Lea even entertaining the thought to answer him.

"That's great! I'm happy for you both, you make such a beautiful couple," Lena stated. Her response was as pre-packaged as her publicity pitches. "But now we had to implement some damage control."

"'Damage control'? I don't think that's necessary, it's not like we've been caught at a club making out or something. And besides, would it really be so bad to just live our lives honestly. Fox isn't going to fire me, Ryan, and you know it."

The man felt threatened. "Read your contract, Lea. They're not stupid enough to fire you, but they can control a significant amount of your life if it could harm the show, which includes who you are seen with romantically. You don't want their lawyers to get involved, it'll just end up messily."

The brunette knew he was right. She'd had this conversation before with her own agent when she first came out to her years ago. Broadway was a different animal, different group of followers, and a different set of ideals. Hollywood didn't take to the gays. Yes, it was getting better, but why rock the boat when you were still docked at the harbor?

"So what does damage control entail?" The blonde asked. Her face serious.

"We'll employee the same old strategies we've been using since before Rock Hudson. You'll get boyfriends, but not all at once. Easy on the twitter or whatever social media you kids are using these days. Choose your words wisely. You can't always be paired up at events. Try to put at least one other friend in between you in public. In public, be casual. And most importantly, you're going to have to get your own apartment, we've already lined up some choices with a realtor for your viewing pleasure, Lea." Lena, ever prepared to save her budding starlet's career. She knew that her client's was more fragile than the brunette's.

"Boyfriends!" Dianna shouted.

"I'm moving out? _And_ you've already found me some houses?" Lea followed. "You already knew!"

"Contingency plans, dear. Of course we knew. The whole cast knows. I mean, hell, anyone can see it plain as day, but that's fine. We can play it off as 'girls being girls,' BFFs, fremps. Who said friends can't hug? And _especially_ once you both start 'dating'," she explained, adding air-quotes for emphasis, "then your behavior will definitely stopped being questioned." Joyce paused allowing the information to wash over her star, the firm's account also weighing in. "I'll email you the listings and all the info. The sooner you choose the better."

"I don't want to," Dianna asserted. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Lea thought it was impossible to look like an angry child and sexy at the same time. She liked feisty!gron. "That's all too much. We can cool it on the twitter and public appearances and stuff, but moving out? Won't that only prove the rumors, that I've never heard of by the way."

"The rumors are still mere whispers and conjectures from a few diehard fans, but where there's smoke, there's fire. Plus, I didn't want to tell you yet, but your prospects for that sci-fi flick I threw your name into are looking very very well. I wouldn't want anything you do now harm your potential film career, Dianna." Her agent was good. She knew just what to say to keep her client while sounding protective. Dianna soaked up the woman's insinuation. It affected her to her core.

"What? That's great! Congratulations, baby!" Lea laughed. She turned her body to give her girlfriend a hug.

"Nothing's set in stone yet, ladies. Especially if we don't implement the plan. So, what do you say?" Joyce said, interrupting their moment.

"I don't like lying and not being myself. I don't like hiding the best part of me from you," Lea said staring into scared hazel eyes. She continued, "but if it means bettering your career and helping the show, then I'll do it. Not for me or for them," she said motioning to Ryan, "but for you, Dianna. It may be hard at first, but there are always ways around that. Look at Tom Cruise. And they're right, once we have boyfriends, the network can lighten up and PR can handle the semantics of a handhold," she said, holding her slender hand. "Plus, this won't be forever; it's just for _now_." She winked at her girl, assuring her and herself that they could do this.

"Lea, I don't know if I can ask you to do that for me. It's too selfish," Dianna countered.

"You didn't ask. I'm offering." As if this was the only logical response.

The blonde smiled. She peered into brown eyes asking for certainty.

"We'll always have Boston." The brunette blushed at remembering that magical trip.

"Ok. Ok, let's do it," Dianna answered. "Not like I really had much of a choice."

Joyce was losing her patience hearing this love fest between her client and her girlfriend. "Great! First thing's first: boyfriends. Lea, you just came back from San Francisco."

"Yes," she dragged.

"And you saw _American Idiot_."

"Correct, where are you going with this?"

"Do you remember the Representative of Jingletown? Theo was his name."

"Yeah, we met him with some of the boys. I think he even joined us all for drinks after the show. He was _such_ a nice guy. Cute, too."

"Well his agent seems to be having a similar problem."

"Ok."

_No response._

"Oh God. Double beards?"


	7. Chapter 7 All of Me

A/N: I know it's been a while, but thank you all for keeping up with this story. Life and school have been crazy! For instance, I'm now engaged :D Thanks for reading and all of the reviews/alerts. This is a short one, but I figured something was better than nothing. That, and I've also been convinced to extend my story to the filming of Season 3.

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><p><strong>January 2010<strong>

"But we've had such a good holiday break. Glee is going so strong. I've got Theo in the background and you had that 'date' with Adam." Lea was pleading, whining almost… almost.

"We had such a great time at the awards… and after," she said suggestively raising her eyebrow.

_Slow down. We don't need her pity._

Lea stepped forward and grabbed Dianna's hands. She inhaled: sweet, fruity, home. Steadied, she continued.

"We've kept our end of the bargain. We haven't done anything for people to believe us otherwise. We have something great here, Di. I _know_ we have something great." She paused. "But... I'm not going to beg you."

She took a calming breath and stared at hazel eyes through her long lashes.

"I told you how I felt. I told you how you've changed my life. I told you how you mean more to me than you'll ever know. I told you how it feels _so _right to wake up with you in my arms. I told you that I think it's adorable when your books are so dog-eared they're nearly falling apart. I told you that I will happily learn how to take care of an octopus, even though I think they're scary, because you want one. I told you that your voice is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. I told you that I know when you're mad because brown flecks dominate your eyes and happy because the mixture of olive and ochre are so deep it takes my breath away. I told you that your kiss is my favorite taste, your skin my favorite touch, and your body my favorite smell."

The hazels were now a bright green-gold. She searched for some sign of reciprocal emotion. Some sign that she wasn't in this fight alone.

"I love you, Dianna Elise Agron. I told you that I love you. I told you the truth. I told you the one thing that I feel every day at every moment and you just stood there and walked away."

She noticed her girlfriend blink. A stranger wouldn't have noticed - simply an involuntary action - but Lea knew this girl too well. She knew this was her tell. She had cracked her, but what emotion did that blink convey?

"Say something," Lea breathed out, eyes searching for answer. "Anything." She squeezed her hands tighter, her voice a mere whisper.

Dianna stared back into chestnut eyes, curtains of tears hanging on the precipice. The corner of the blonde's mouth quirked up slightly.

"Lea…" she began, pausing to choose her words wisely. "We _do_ have something special. I feel it, too." Squeezing her hands as a physical sign of reassurance.

The singer beamed.

"You're an amazing girlfriend and person…" she paused again. "But I'm afraid. No, I'm terrified."

"You don't have to be scared," Lea rushed in.

Dianna stopped her abruptly by squeezing her palms. "Please let me finish." Lea nodded, her smile fading.

"Shooting for the film is only a few months away. It's my first big film, my first big role. I'm worried that if they find out about us I might lose my job. I'm worried that I'll do something to slip up on our agreement and not only hurt Glee, but also my one chance at furthering my career post-Quinn."

Lea stared at her girlfriend with a crestfallen sadness. She hadn't realized how insecure the blonde was and how deeply their relationship affected her on a career-level.

"It's just that I'm terrified that if I tell you how I feel, if I tell you the truth, then our relationship will have taken it to this whole new level and I won't be able to be without you. I'll get jealous when you flirt with everyone more than you're usual touchy-feely nature. I'll miss you on set when I need someone to talk with aimlessly between takes. I'm going to be spending all my time with Alex – and he's no Sarfati."

Lea was smiling from ear to ear.

"I can't tell you 'I love you' because I don't know if I can take it back, and that's not something I want to do to you," Dianna said with a broken smile. "I think you should stay away from me; I think we need a break. I won't let myself hurt you. I can't bare it."

Lea placed soft kisses on Dianna's thin graceful hands. _This can never feel wrong._

"As long as you love me, then that's all that matters. It's all worth it. I'm a big girl, Di and I can make my own decisions. I know 'this' – you, me, us – _this_ is what I want. Love that is not madness is not love. I want the fights, the jealousy, I want it all. I want everything that comes with you. Can't you see, I don't really have a choice in the matter? You are you and I am I. Simple."

Dianna smiled. She knew that Lea wasn't going to let this go that easily; she loved that her girl was stubborn. _Love, there's that word._

"I'm not asking you for forever or to be my permanent bridge partner in an old folks home, just yet. I'm asking for today, for tomorrow, and for the rest of the week."

The blonde had broken. She bit her bottom lip into a smile and looked down at Lea with adoring eyes.

"I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love her."

Dianna scoffed out loud, shaking her head in disbelief, smiling. "I love you, Lea. I do. And I can't believe you just Julia-ed me," she smiled out. "I just hope that you're able to stand everything that that entails."

Lea cupped both of the blonde's cheeks and collided their lips together in a passionate kiss. Her hands traveled under Dianna's sweater, feeling the warm smooth skin she had missed these past 3 days. Dianna moaned into her touch. Lea's tongue glided into Dianna's mouth, playing erotically with her tongue. She deepened the kiss to suck the taller girl's tongue, while stepping back onto the couch. Dianna laid her down, pulling the couch throw over them. She kissed her way down to the brunette's neck, hungry for that soft flesh.

The shorter girl pulled off her movie star's sweater. _Movie star? I like that. We're gonna have to make our _own_ movies soon._

She scratched her way up Dianna's toned arms to her strong shoulders, down her back, and up the sides of her torso feeling the taut muscles underneath. She reached her breasts and caressed each one, kneading them, and rolling her hardening nipples.

"God that feels so good," Dianna breathed, grinding her hips down and pushing between Lea's legs with her thighs.

"Mmmm, but hold on hold on hold on," Lea said, trying to break up their kisses. "I want you so bad right now, but I don't want lust. I want to make love to you. Take me to the bedroom?"

The blonde smiled down at her girlfriend and gave her a deep loving kiss. _So this is what love feels like. _

"Of course, love," she said.

* * *

><p><strong>June 2010<strong>

She missed her already. Shooting for _I Am Number 4_ had begun and Lea's bed was now one member shy. Although her bed had been seeing less and less of the blonde after "the set up" as Lea called it or the "I can't believe you" moment as Dianna referred to it.

It had been a day and a half since they last spoke. Lea knew she had to give Di her space and was very aware of the rigors of acting, but she couldn't help herself. A text here and there didn't even come close to filling the emptiness Lea felt without her other half.

_**Sarfati: I miss u 2 much :( Can we skype 2nyte?**_

She knew it was needy and could come off as clingy but she was perfectly within her girlfriendly rights or so she told herself. Ten minutes seemed to last an eternity as Lea continued to eat her Greek salad, willing her phone to light up, listening to Chris' conversation half-heartedly. Something about Harry Potter or some kind of children's story.

_**Lady Di: Me too. I have some down time tonight. 9pm your time ok?**_

Specifying time zones quickly became standard procedure after their first miscommunication causing Lea to be three hours early. The diva had waited around for half an hour for the familiar computer ring, and after allowing her brain to think the worst, she called and texted the blonde at least 20 times each. She had grown so concerned she even called her Lady's manager and mother. It's funny how quickly a snowball can become an avalanche.

_**Lea: Yes of course! Can't wait :D xoxoox**_

_- Incoming call from MsLeaMichele -_

"Hey you," Lea said casually pretending she hadn't been waiting for the past 15 minutes for her clock to display 9:00 pm. Her once full wine glass now half empty. She had tried to capture the perfect mixture of sexy and cute wearing an oversized off the shoulder fuzzy camel colored sweater, her knees clutched against her chest.

"Hey there, yourself," Dianna responded. Her hair was slightly askew. Lea could tell she was tired and wished desperately to be able to make her some green tea and a grilled cheese.

Lea sipped on her wine with a smile plastered to her face. "I've missed you soooo much I have half a mind to hop on the next plane to Pittsburgh. What do you think? I could make you some green tea and a grilled cheese and give you a foot rub. And it'll give me a chance to try out my new cover name: Alexandra Truitt. You like?"

"I would _love_ tea and a grilled cheese right now, and although I could never see you play an 'Alexandra,' I'm going to have to veto that idea. It'd be too obvious. I can just see it now, 'Glee star visits best friend?' No way, I don't need that right now."

The brunette's smile faded slowly. "Jeez, it was just a joke, Di. I'm aware of your opinion on this matter. No need to squash it."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off so harsh," Dianna apologized.

"You're still punishing me for what happened at the gala," Lea noted. It was a statement, not a question.

"No. We're adults and we can get past that. Besides, it was really to our benefit in the end," the blonde noted, trying to convince herself.

"Then why is it so obvious that you're still punishing me? I kissed him one time for the cameras 'passionately,' just as we were instructed and under contract to do. I even chose to do it inside, in front of one photographer, discreetly. You know, give them something that would appear to be 'a private moment'," Lea rationalized. "I thought about kissing you to make it seem believable. I'm always thinking about you."

The blonde exhaled loudly, looking away from her camera. "I know, I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Can you understand that? I mean, seriously. When I saw that picture, it looked like you _really _liked it and enjoyed his company. I can't help how it made me feel, and I really hate feeling this way. I don't like being mad at you for protecting us."

"I did it for _you_, which in turn affects _us_, and I'd do it again. But please don't think it meant anything to either of us. It was an act. In fact, he told me he was thinking about Jake the entire time, too." The diva let out a laugh. The absurdity of Hollywood never ceased to astound her.

"Jake? How could he think about anything else when he was kissing a Sarfati?" The blonde joked back in good humor. Thoughts flashed across her eyes as she exhaled, "Well… I _guess_ I believe you. We should actually do a double date with them. I think it'd be easier to handle your 'relationship' with him if I get to know him better, as well."

Lea smiled, "Perfect! But don't doubt my affections for you again, ok?" A pout now covering her face.

Dianna shook her hand and raised her hands in surrender. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry I doubted you and showed you my crazy side. I'm sure Joyce will be happy to see pictures of our double dates in the papers, so that's a plus... wait, one more question. Was he even good?"

Lea stared into her camera with a deadpan stare. "You're serious? I'm not even going to answer that."

"So is that a yes?" Jealousy creeping into her tone.

"It's a, my girlfriend is a masochist and an egoist, so i'm not going to feed into her sick jollies," Lea explained.

Dianna stared intently back at the glowing screen.

"He was fine, if you must know." _There's really no winning with her! _"Enough about that, how has your week been? Do you feel like a movie star, yet?" Lea inquisitively asked.

"It's wonderful and terrible and boring and exciting all at the same time. When we're shooting, I feel alive. Even if I'm not in it, I stand behind the camera guys and listen to the director soaking it all in. I feel like a kid in a candy shop. But doing takes over and over because Alex isn't giving it his all or slips up on his American accent, plus the long hours, gets old fast. Although, the special effects stuff is kind of cool. I like pretending there's stuff coming at me. I can hear DJ saying, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 duck!"

The brunette soaked in her girlfriend's words as she reminisced her previous week. She was entranced to see how her face lit up. She picked up on her free lessons in directing, a passion she knew Dianna harbored.

"Blah! I'm just going on and on. No more work; let's talk about you. What have you been up to lately without me?"

Lea was snapped out of her reverie. "Oh, you know, nothing worth mentioning really. Hanging out and shopping with Amber or Jenna if they're in town. Going down to the set to talk to Ryan about the tour. Thinking about what a certain blonde is doing from time to time. You know – the usual." She winked.

"A certain blonde? Is there something going on between you and Charlize Theron I should know about?" Dianna asked, feigning offense.

"No I was actually talking about Claire Danes, but I'll take what I can get," she smirked while finishing off wine. _At least we're ok again._

"You get on that and let me know; for her, I can learn to share."

Lea gasped! She was truly caught off guard. "Lady! Don't make me show you _my_ jealous side. Besides, I thought you were into brunettes like Natalie."

"I'm into people, really," she aloofly stated.

"Well then, I consider myself lucky to be chosen from the masses."


	8. Chapter 8 The Ring

August 2010

"Right there. Mmm yes, just like that."

"God that's good," Lea panted between labored breaths. Her hands tangled in beautiful golden locks while her hips bucked in sync with the strokes of Dianna's hot tongue.

A muffled humming lifted into the air. Dianna was a natural, after Lea's instructions of course. She was always one eager to please.

"Oh my God!" Lea gasped louder.

_**Knock knock knock!**_

"Oh shit!" Lea scrambled to smooth down her dress. She stood up quickly, took a deep steadying breath, and approached the door. She figured that going to whoever was outside would be better than letting them in; that, and it would give Dianna a few more seconds to find her bra.

If Lea had a dime for every time she was cockblocked at work… well, she'd have about a buck fifty, but who's counting? The frazzled brunette now displayed a look of bored impassivity as she poked her head out of her trailer.

"Yes?" she said as her eyes landed upon a mousy production assistant, her reddish-orange hair divulging the fact that she has tried one too many straightening products to wrangle her hair into a neat ponytail with large blunt bangs. You can take the girl out of Ohio, but you can't take the Ohio out of the girl.

"Hope I didn't wake you from a nap, but you're wanted on set in 10," the PA explained with a tint of regret in her voice. She knew how hard Lea worked, more so than the rest of the cast, and understood the need for a short catnap every now and again.

"Thanks, Trish." Lea knew she had played her part to a tee. The girl was none the wiser and actually felt bad for doing her job. "And don't worry, I wasn't napping," the diva added.

Just then, Dianna opened the door to the trailer behind Lea wider. "Yeah, we were just listening to music and trolling around online," Dianna needlessly explained, wiping at the corner of her mouth with her thumb lazily.

"Oh. Sounds fun," Trish said, genuinely curious as to Dianna's latest musical finds. "Well, I'll see you both on set in 8."

The brunette turned to the blonde with a look that said 'I can't believe you sometimes.' She stepped into her trailer. "You can go ahead, I just need to find my underwear and knee socks. Besides, hair is going to need a few minutes to undo your handiwork," Lea said over her shoulder with a wink. _If only Trish knew what 'listening to music' really meant_.

5 hours later…

"Cut! Ok ladies, that was great. I think we got what we need for today."

Naya, Heather, Dianna, and Lea walked off set talking about dinner plans for the night. Tottle joined in quickly, squeezing between Naya and Lea and placing an arm around both of their waists. "Yum, I've been dying to try that new little place. I hear they have a really good pumpkin risotto."

"Me too! That's why I wanted to go," Lea happily agreed.

"I heard they have these really great prosciutto wrapped palm heart appetizers. Wanna try some, Naya?" Heather asked with a twinkle in her eye. "I could really go for something salty right now."

"That sounds amazing; count me in," she replied as she playfully spanked the tall blonde next to her.

Suddenly, a tall nearly-bald man approached them quickly and with purpose. "Are those dinner plans I hear?" Ryan knowingly asked.

"Yeah, we were just talking about trying that new little Italian place out in WeHo," Tottle answered for the girls, clutching Lea and Dianna closer.

"Sounds fun," Ryan curtly answered. "I'm going to have to borrow these two before you head out, though. Ladies, if you don't mind," Ryan gestured to Lea and Dianna to follow him to the conference room.

They shared a knowing look of apprehension. Lea hated the way he said 'ladies.' She couldn't understand how a person could put so much derision into such a delicate feminine word. It made her skin curl every time. _He might as well be calling us 'cunts.'_

The rest nodded after the couple. "We'll see you soon," Tottle said, aware of the agreement the two had about their relationship.

"What, no Joyce? No Lena?" Lea dared as she scanned the room, finding only empty chairs.

"No. They won't be necessary. It's already been cussed and discussed," the sardonic man mused. "Let's get down to business."

The couple sat down, scooting their chairs closer to each other. They knew that whatever sounds were about to fall out of this man's mouth could potentially be life-altering and they would need each other's strength.

"Your handholding during the tour has caused concern with FOX that we still have yet to quell. Well, with one executive, in particular. Unfortunately, he has the most control of the purse. I want that money – you need this show." He paused allowing his diatribe sink in. "I'm personally not worried about the public's awareness of your relationship, but in order to nip all worries in the butt, we all think it'd be best for you," he continued, gesturing toward Dianna, "to get a boyfriend as well."

Lea audibly scoffed. "What? You want her to what? It's bad enough that I have Theo! Why do we have to make things that much more complicated? Don't you think it'll be suspicious that we now both have boyfriends?" She squeezed Dianna's hand reassuringly and offered her a small smile. She would have to be the strong one in this situation.

_The audacity of this man!_

"You've been 'together' with him for over a year now, so we're not worried about any suspicions of timing. It makes sense for everyone. A win-win, if you will. Plus, it'll help with your upcoming movie," Ryan rebutted.

"My movie? How does this help my movie?"

"Alex. Alex is how. You'll date him. He's notorious for dating his costars and everyone loves to see their leads have chemistry both on and off the screen; it makes the movie more believable. Besides, once the PR push starts you'll be seen together all the time anyway. Why not add this little story?"

"Pettyfer? Absolutely not. No way. We will not agree to this," objected Lea. "Tell him, Di."

The blonde stared at her girlfriend, then to the balding man. She was at a loss for words. This idea had been mentioned to her in brief passing but she never thought it would come to fruition.

"I – I remember talking about this, but I didn't think it'd actually happen. I didn't mention it to you because… well I guess because it sounded like a far off possibility," she pleaded with Lea. It was now the brunette's turn to be speechless.

"What are the terms?" continued the blonde. Lea's hand slackened in the blonde's, but Dianna refused to let it go.

"A few photo ops here and there outside of the film's press. The details can be discussed with Lena," he flatly offered.

"Wait. You can't be seriously considering this, Di?" The diva choked out.

"Lea, it's really no different than what you're doing with Theo. You did it for us… and so will I."

"So it's settled then. Lovely to have these little chats as always, Ladies," Ryan said as he walked out of the room.

"But we haven't finished discussing this," Lea continued after him.

"_I_ have. The rest is between _you_ two. Have a good day, _ladies_," Ryan retorted pursing his thin lips and closing the door behind him.

"So you're ok with this? With, with dating _him_?" Lea disparagingly asked. "I thought you didn't like his 'cocky attitude' and his 'British snobbery.' I mean, those were your words, Di."

"Lea, he can be an ok guy, but that doesn't really matter because it's not real, babe. Like we said, we're doing this for us. You know I'm only yours. Nothing has to change," Dianna pacified as Lea's hand found its grip within the blondes's.

The brunette forced a smile. _But it will. I know it will._

* * *

><p>October 2010<p>

**Sarfati: Come over 2nyte? Dinner and Bravo, my treat.**

Lea had a special plan for her blonde tonight. After "dating" Alex for a few months and the beginning of the PR onslaught for IAN4, Lea needed to cement their relationship officially. Not just for her own peace of mind, but to prove to the blonde that she could handle this new aspect of their relationship. Jealousy, she told herself, could be perfectly healthy, but relationship insecurities were out of the question.

**Lady Di: MmmMmmMMmm. I can't think of a better way to spend my night. Be there at 7.**

**Sarfati: Come hungry! Can't wait. Miss u :( xoxoxo**

**Lady Di: Don't frown. I'll be there soon :) xxx**

The meal was set, Dianna's _favorite_ meal to be exact: Tomato & Mozzarella Pesto Panini with homemade chips on the side. Lea had set the table with small tea lights and decorative napkins. She flitted back and forth between the table and the kitchen, her nerves manifesting themselves in the form of perfection.

_Panini, pressed and crisp. Chips, slightly salted and crunchy. Wine, aerated. Music, check. Box…_

"Breathe, Sarfati. Breathe. She'll love it," Lea said to herself aloud, a wobbly arm steadying herself against the cool marble countertops. "Fuck, I hope she loves it."

Dianna was everything to the brunette. Everything a person could ever need or want. For some people, finding the love of your life can take a lifetime. For others, it begins in the sandbox. For her, it happened on a soundstage. Her love for Dianna was unwavering and fierce, and although she thought the girl returned her affections, she could never shake that feeling that she wasn't sure, that she was only temporary, that she might actually be an experiment. But her optimistic nature did not let these infectious ideas take hold. Dianna loved her deeply. She knew this to be a fact. Why? Because the blonde told her so, but more so because of the way her eyes told her everything she needed to know.

Soon there was a rattling of keys at the door. Her girl was home. Lea smoothed her hair, ran an index finger over her teeth, and began to untie her apron. Blonde hair flashed in the entryway.

"Hey, sorry I'm a little late," she heard her say from within the hallway. Keys landed on a table loudly and the sound of bags rustled under her arms. Lea walked toward the entryway folding her apron over her forearm.

"Babe, you didn't have to get anything, I cooked for _you_. I would have asked you to stop by Whole Foods™ if I needed something," Lea lovingly chastised. She looked deeply into smiling bright leafy ochre eyes and forgot how to breathe.

"What? Do I have something on my nose?" Dianna blinked harshly and swiped at her nose frantically.

Lea laughed light-heartedly. _I love this woman_.

"Seriously, Lea. What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing. You're beautiful, that's all."

Dianna was caught off guard by her comment and smiled into a chaste kiss. "You look cute in your little apron," she said against her lips, "next time you cook, I think that's _all_ you should wear."

The brunette gulped audibly. She was instantly wet, but now wasn't the time to jump her lady's bones… yet. Lea lazily pulled away, their hips still connected. "Next time, but now, let's eat." She grabbed the bottle of wine and organic strawberries Dianna brought. "I'll put these up."

The blonde walked through the living room and spotted the beautifully simple table setting that provided the landscape for their dinner. Turquoise blue plates and twine bound silverware sitting atop marigold napkins were set off by two shortly trimmed Queen Anne's lace sitting in a water filled mason jar in the middle.

"Lea this is beautiful," Dianna called out. "What's the special occasion?"

"No occasion," she called back from within the kitchen. "Can't I have a lovely dinner with my girlfriend from time to time. After all, it is the sensible thing to do."

"Oh, well of course, how could I forget my sensibilities?"

"Don't patronize me, Lady," said Lea as she poured Dianna's glass of wine and took their plates.

"I'm just teasing, Lea. I like getting you flustered. You can punish me later if you'd like."

Lea gulped again. "Dianna, if you keep at it, we're never going to eat."

The blonde nodded her head obediently. "You made my favorite! You really _do_ love me!" She said clapping her hands together excitedly. She sat up and leaned over the table to give her girlfriend an appreciative kiss. "Thank you," she whispered on full lips.

"My pleasure," she whispered in return.

They ate their meal with light banter and smiles, a bottle of wine now finished between them.

"Ms. Agron, I would be delighted if you would honor me with a dance," Lea inquired as she stood next to the table holding out her hand.

Lea smiled with love in her eyes as Dianna took her hand and allowed herself to be escorted to the living room. Although the slighter of the two, Lea wanted to lead. Their bodies were pressed closely together as the violins ushered in the melodious voice of Sarah Vaughan. Lea's left hand lightly carried the blonde's right, while the other rested gingerly on her lady's curvy waist, her chin slightly lifted to meet those eyes that were impossible to ignore. Their love was palpable.

The brunette loved all things old and romantic. "People don't do romance anymore," she used to say to her lady. She wanted the night to be perfect, like something out of a movie (or tv show) even. Something that they'd be able to look back on in the future, a moment that would be a romantic chapter in the storybook of their lives. "You simply _cannot_ go wrong with a little George Gershwin in your life," Lea had explained.

So as the music began to play, Lea couldn't help but add her own touches to the song. A pronoun here and there wouldn't ruin its integrity.

_How glad the many millions of Jonathans and _Lillians_ would be to capture me. But you had such persistence you wore down my resistance, I fell and it was swell. You're my big and brave and gorgeous _Willow_. How I won you, I shall never, never know. It's not that you're attractive but oh my heart grew active when you came into view. _

_I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie. All the day and night time, hear me sigh. I never had the least notion that I could fall with so much emotion._

Dianna couldn't help but blush at hearing Lea's confession. She brought her arm down to hold the shorter girl's hips.

"You're adorable. You're too much," Dianna said lovingly.

"No. It's just the truth. I mean seriously, who doesn't want to be dating Dianna Agron? I look at you on set and can't help but think about how lucky I am to be with you. To share laughter and smiles, and sometimes, to be the cause of them, is too much for me."

Lea's smile was starting to waiver as the truthfulness of her words were causing her mouth to quiver and tears to form. They had now stopped swaying as the music continued in the background.

"You're amazing, Di. I see the way you look at me, with so much love, and I think 'why am I so blessed to have you want to have me?' And I can't think of any answer, except that someone up there likes me, and wants me to be happy with you." She paused as the blonde wiped away a tear from her cheek. Happy teary brown eyes stared into hazel. "I've been thinking about how I feel about you and us. I know that we've been arguing a little, and that's my fault for being a little jealous of all the time Alex gets to spend with you, but I wanted to show you how much I really care and how devoted to you I am."

Lea reached into the pocket of her flowy high waisted patterned skirt and pulled out a black ring box. "I'm not asking you to marry me, but what this ring signifies to me is a promise. A promise that I'll be faithful to you, and only you. A promise that I promise you, I'll never look for another. This ring is a promise that I take our relationship seriously and that I don't and can't even look at another girl, as long as I can call myself your girlfriend." Lea's breath was quick and shallow as her eyes were carefully monitoring hazel eyes.

"A promise ring?" The blonde stated aloud more than asking a question. "Lea, I would be honored to wear this beautiful ring. I love you, too," the blonde squealed as she pulled the brunette into a passionate kiss and slipped the ring onto the ring finger of her left hand.

"Really?" Lea asked into Dianna's mouth. "That's great! Call me lame, but I bought myself a matching ring that way we'll always be connected no matter what. Regardless if only one of is wearing the ring… I like knowing that I can have a piece of Dianna Agron on my hand at random times," she continued, kissing her lady's neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you," she said between kisses over the blonde's neck and chest.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you all for sticking around. The following chapters will pick up from the beginning ("present day") and will therefore be in the present tense, from Lea's point of view. Frankly, I'm not very good at writing third person omniscient. So, I thought I'd give you a heads up that the story will sound very different from now on. The next chapter's already done; I've just been trying to figure out how to end this one currently without giving too much away. **

**Also, Happy Halloween!**


	9. Chapter 9 Ironic

**A/N: From now on the story will be told in the present tense from Lea's POV.**

* * *

><p>You know that moment, don't you? Everyone's had it. Those seconds that made up the minutes that made up that specific moment you wish with every fiber of your being that you could take back. Edit – Undo. Sorry, but in real life that function doesn't exist. <em>Lea Michele went from being "in a relationship" to "<em>_**single**_**.**" That hurts. In 140 characters or less what would I say, "alittlelamb left and took my heart with her. #miseryissoaddicting" No. That wouldn't change a damn thing.

Words. Why do they have to be so powerful? Because I give them power. Why am I answering my own questions? Because I am alone now. Because my thoughts are taking over. My memories are all I have.

God, talk about emo. I thought I was passed this part of my life. Didn't I grow up?

If only someone could have warned me it was coming. I would have left it alone, it could have hurt less. _No, that's a lie_. Let sleeping dogs lie, or so they say. At least then my chest wouldn't feel like this empty decaying cavern, a direct result of the car that careened straight through my heart at 70 mph while on fire. Cause and effect.

Ok, so I have a flair for the dramatic, but that doesn't make it any less accurate of an analogy. Metaphor? Hyberbole? Anecdote? Antidote? It's too hard to tell these days: truths, lies, and the in between. That's where my head resides. My heart? Didn't I mention it was gone already? Not like The Grinch. He always had a heart, you see; it was shriveled like a prune, but provided with the right stuff, love and acceptance, and it grew. (Yeah there was Christmas cheer in there somewhere, but we don't celebrate that and it was just another metaphor thing anyway. "We," I meant "I.")

The wooden floors are cold and hard beneath my bare skin as I sit staring at her chair. Is that another metaphor? Who cares anymore. The floor feels like me or I feel like the floor. We're one in the same. If I stare at her chair long enough maybe I can will her to come back to it – wishful thinking. It replays over and over in my head. A torturous film reel that I can't tear my eyes away from. Maybe it'll end differently this time, a surprise ending... nope, still the same.

How did I not see it coming?

"_**I**__ don't __**like**__ to wear it in public too much or else people will start to suspect more than they already do. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful Lea, but I just want __**to**__**be**__ practical."_

_"I have back to back events to go to everyday for the next two weeks **with Alex**. Just silly press stuff and parties with people in the industry. I miss you, can't wait till it's over." _

_"**I'm** so tired I'm just going to crash here." _

"_Sometimes I get so nervous during my interviews with him, I find myself **falling** over my words. Wish you were here **for** moral support."_

_"I'm going to London with **Alex**. We're doing the European press circuit. I might see his parents, too. I'll try to bring you back something."_

An engagement ring was not what I was expecting, especially when it wasn't even for me. Talk about wanting to show chemistry between the leads, but I don't remember this being anywhere in the plan. When was I left out of the loop? When they got real or when I opened my eyes to see that I was the dellusion? Now I'm just being cynical. I wasn't an illusion I just wasn't permanent.

One scene flashes by after the other. The air was fairly brisk while standing outside on Chris' balcony. It was nice of him to throw a pre-premiere movie premiere party. I didn't have to hear her or see her to feel her eyes stab the back of my form. "Hey," I said out loud.

"Hey you."

"This is nice," I said making the small talk I make with strangers or people I don't want to speak to. I wanted to leave; I couldn't face her.

"We need to talk," she said disregarding my avoidance. I should have seen it coming. Those four words never did anyone any good.

"Yes we do, but not now. Not here," I attempted to avoid again. We hadn't spoken since before she left to hop across the pond, why should we start now?

"Can we step outside for a bit?" _Damn._

"We're already outside," I smarted back.

"You know what I mean, Lea." _Double damn._

The gravel grinding beneath my feet should have been a warning sign to the impending sounds her feet would be making on my heart. She could have at least taken off her heels.

"So. How have you been? It's been a while since we've been able to hang out."

I couldn't believe her gall. _'Hang out?' Is that what we were doing for the past two years? _"That's an understatement, Dianna," I replied. I watched for her reaction to my use of her name instead of my usual term of endearment. I was on my guard, but I was severely under prepared. Who brings a knife to a gunfight? More like a nuclear testing field, really.

"You're right, Lea. I could have done better." She was so ready. The meaning and depth of her words were not lost on me. I nodded dumbly allowing her to control this verbal slaughter. Who's the masochist, now?

I didn't need to be humiliated publicly so I walked a few steps away from view of the doorway to a small space between some SUVs, hoping to use their shadows as a cover from the expectant watchful eyes from within. Cory, the ever perfect offscreen lesbro, was concerned with the blonde's intentions. Theo could see it, too. It had happened to him before, and after growing close to each other, he couldn't bear to see his PR-gf to be heartbroken.

With whatever ounce of courage I had left in me, I took hold of the soft hand that was always a perfect match for mine, and told her to give me the courtesy of honesty. It was the least I deserved.

"Have you read Perez lately?" she pussyfooted about.

"I asked for honesty. You know I read it everyday. Please, _please _just be honest. Is it true?" my question came out barely above a whisper. It was the first time I acknowledge the possibility aloud to myself.

"I'm trying to. I... I... I don't know what to say. Something just kind of happened."

"_'Something'_ happened? What does that mean, Dianna? Did you forget to buy stamps at the post office or did you fall on his _fucking _cock?"

I couldn't really hear the words that were shooting out of my mouth, but I could feel their venom. It hurt me to say it, but it hurt more that I even had to. My words had struck a chord within her and her calm façade was breaking. I dropped her hand out of self-preservation. It felt like hydrochloric acid and I didn't need any physically scarring, not by her.

"Lea," she pleaded reaching out for my hand. _I should have taken it. _"No, it's not like that."

"Then what exactly is it like? Please explain it to me. I know to take those tabloids with a grain of salt, but when you haven't spoken to me in two weeks, avoid my texts and calls, and then I read that my girlfriend was seen ring shopping with her 'boyfriend,' what else am I _supposed_ to think. I mean if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck…"

"I didn't answer your calls or texts because I needed some time to think. Everything was happening so fast and slowly at the same time."

I stared her down. I was owed an explanation.

"We hung out a lot over the past few months. It was different than being with him on set. I mean, then, we were just co-workers, but now we were supposed to be dating. At first we were acting, but then after getting to really know each other, things changed. He said he respected our relationship and for that I was grateful."

"Yeah, really respectful, Di. Was it the sex?"

"No, we've never had sex, but I wish I could say it was only a physical thing. There's just something about him that drew me in. Yeah he can be a jerk and quick-tempered, but you're feisty, too."

"Don't you _fucking_ _dare_ compare us! Don't you _dare_!What the fuck, Di? Are you trying to kill me by dragging this out? Just get to the _goddamn point_ and end it! It's what you're trying to do, so just _fucking_ do it!"

Sure I curse, but never at her. I felt sick to my stomach. I was hurting her because she was hurting me, which only hurt me more. Welcome to the masochist club. Here's your card.

"I… I'm not trying to compare you, Lea. I… don't want to hurt you and I don't want to lose you. We kissed and it was nice. While we were in London, it was all sort of surreal. I met his family and they were so nice. We were out in the shops for our scheduled paparazzi opportunities and we went to a jewelry store. He said that my ring… our ring… was nice, but if he were you he would have gotten me something like… well like the ring he took out on loan, just to try it out for a bit. I mean, I didn't know what to say or how to turn down such a gift, and it wasn't permanent. The next day I told him I couldn't accept it, but it was a nice gesture. He was so great, I couldn't believe that he was already willing to take such a big leap with me when we weren't even together in reality."

"That's nice, Di, but you seemed to be the only one here who didn't think you weren't in a real relationship. I knew this was a bad idea, but you wanted it. I mean, were you just looking for a way to, to, to get rid of me?"

"Get rid of you? What? No, Lea I can't lose you. I'd never want to get rid of you. And it's not like I'm the only guilty one here."

"What? You're going to turn this around on me?" I was screaming by this point. The fact that the police hadn't been called yet was pretty astounding. I'm sure there was an audience on the balcony or the doorstep, but I didn't care. What was that Spanish saying I learned? _La ropa sucia se lava en casa_. Well I can't be in a room alone with her and I don't feel like going home. We're going to settle this now out in the open.

"It's _Theo_. It's always Theo. I'm a jealous person, Lea. I'm not this saint you paint me out to be. I get jealous when you hang out with him. I get jealous when you kiss him. I get jealous when I read articles about your 'relationship.'"

"He's just a **friend**! It's called acting, Dianna. Some of us are just meant to play a certain role in life."

"If he's just a friend, then why do I feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest when I see you with him? Why is there a deafening buzzing in my ears when I see him hold you? Why do I feel like I could cry, throw up, and scream when he pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear? But most of all, why do I feel like I don't exist to you when you look at him?"

The fight was gone from her voice and it terrified me. How could she really think this? I couldn't leave it like this.

"Are you kidding me? He's _**gay**_, Dianna. Gay gay gay gay gay. You know that! We've even double dated. Alex is _**straight**_ for fuck's sake. There's a huge difference! Don't you think I could see the way he looks at you? How can I compete with someone who has the right hardware that I know you miss? It was never really a competition, was it? What was I to you?" I was practically screaming. _Maybe if I say it loud enough, she'll hear me better, and choose me._

She stared blankly.

"You've always been the only one for me. You're enough for me." I couldn't breathe anymore. My lungs were starved for air. I was gasping like a fish out of water. I was sucking in air but I couldn't expel it. "I thought I was enough for you." I sounded as broken as I felt. Stale air escaped my body as a new wave of tears surged onto my cheeks, stinging on their way down.

She was crying now. She was always so beautiful even when she cried. I wanted to reach out and comfort her and tell her everything was going to be ok, but I couldn't because _she_ was the problem. _She_ broke me. Hugging her wouldn't bring her back and it froze me from the inside out. Maybe she wanted _him_ to comfort her. I could say I didn't care, but that was a lie. I'd attack him like a mama bear protecting her cubs… maybe the size proportions were off… but you can't protect someone that doesn't want your protection, when you weren't enough.

"It's the good advice that you just didn't take. It is ironic. You _did_ hurt me."

"I don't know what to say, Lea."

I had one last ditch effort. "Then say what you mean; don't just mean what you say. It's not the same thing, you know."

She always looked beautiful when she cried. "I'm sorry."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I've been so excited to get to this big fight! I've reposted quickly, but that's only because this will have to tide you over for a while as I take a writing hiatus to concentrate on school some. Hope you guys had an awesome Halloween. "Why is that T-Rex eating the Jew? **


	10. Chapter 10 The Day After

**A/N: Here's a quick chapter. Thank you all for the response, they really do inspire me.**

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><p><strong>The next day: February 8, 2011<strong>

I'm a glutton for punishment. My parents have always told me I'm my own worst critic and by now I know it's true. I wish I could take back some of things I said, or, at the least, gone about that entire confrontation differently, but you can't live life that way. No regrets. You just have to get it right the next time. How else are you going to learn from your mistakes? But she wasn't a mistake, never in a million years.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I have to somehow learn to be Lea Michele Sarfati again, but now is way too soon. I can't really remember who that girl is anymore, but she used to have this beautiful blonde girlfriend. I wonder whatever happened to them?

I'm kind of a stalker. Can I have another heapful of self-deprecation, please? No, I didn't drive by her house. I'm really in no state to be operating a bicycle let alone a motor vehicle. I've taken to trolling her on the interwebs. What can I say? She taught me well. I should really stop talking about her, huh? But I can't. It's too soon.

She's feeling it, too, which makes me both happy and sad. Happy that she's hurt, which in my crazy mind means she cared. Sad that I can be happy for someone else's misery, especially when it's the one person I'd take a branding iron to the eye for. Ok, that's a little gruesome, but you get my imagery.

She posted a playlist on her Tumblr and didn't even name it, but you'd have to be deaf, blind, and dead not to know that she's depressed and just gotten out of a relationship. It's almost as if she's trying to convince herself that she made the right choice – or so I like to tell myself.

_Oh, how the rain sounds as loud as a lover's words and now and again she's afraid when the sun returns._

_You're the reason why I'm traveling on. Don't think twice it's alright… I once loved a woman, a child I'm told. I give her my heart but she wanted my soul. Don't think twice it's alright._

_I never meant you any harm but your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearm. I close my eyes for a while and force from the world a patient smile._

_I can't play with you no more. No, I'm seeing this open door and I know you saw right through me, afraid I'm taking you for a ride._

How have our little ninjas not picked up on this? I mean, if she's allegedly almost engaged and super happy with #4 (I refuse to use his name) then why the mood music? Fuck it. I'm not doing their job for them. Should I tweet about it? Should I tweet at all? Maybe I should write a happy tweet? Do you think she'd buy it? Do you think she'd even see it?

I stare at my computer screen with its bluish-white glow painting my face in my room with the curtains drawn. Now is the perfect time for some Damien Rice and Adele. Hell, throw in some of Sara Barreilles' _Gravity_ or _Between the Lines _in there. And Imogen Heap? She's too spot on, I'm not sure I can handle her just yet. I wonder how many times she's felt just like me? How does she always get it so right?

_So why'd you sing hallelujah if it means nothing to ya? Why'd you sing with me at all? And why'd you fill my sorrows with the words you borrowed? Why'd you say anything at all?_

Maybe it was too delicate…

I hear a light tentative knocking on my door. "Leeeahh?" The vowels are elongated. Jenna is so cautious with me she sounds almost childlike, as if not using her baby voice will cause me to cry – not that i'd like to test that theory out. She walked in hesitantly and looked at me with sympathetic eyes. I appreciated her sympathy and I couldn't help but wonder how i'd get through this without her.

"Hey," she said while stroking my hair. "Still feel like the walking dead?"

I wish I could smile at that, but it's too soon.

Her hopeful smile falls and she releases a long sigh. "Sorry, Lea. It'll get better, you know. First, you feel like death. Then, you feel like rage. Then, you feel everything all at once, but eventually you feel ok. And then it gets better and better."

I'm empty. I stare into her dark eyes but I'm not really looking into them. She can tell I'm hollow.

"Who knows... maybe things will work out?"

Now she has my attention. "What?"

"You know, maybe, ummm, maybe you guys will start talking again, or something."

I let out a sad laugh although I'm not sure you could even call it a laugh. It sounded more like a stymied burp. "I would love to talk to her, but I can't now. It's too soon. She's not the Dianna I remember, either. I don't want to talk to this body snatcher version that fell for someone else while I sat here thinking that I was enough, that I was her everything."

I'm crying again, I think, because I feel wetness on my knees. Even my tears are cold.

"Oh sweetie," she said as she closed my laptop and pulled me in for a hug. We sat there like that for what seemed like forever and no time at all. I clung onto her for dear life, resembling a koala on a tree. Maybe Jenna was my tree and if I let go, I'd surely crash to the ground below me. She rubbed small circles on my back and rocked me slightly. It was so nice to have a warm body against me.

"Lea?" She whispered. I nod letting her know I'm listening. "Remember when we were kids? Remember how if one of us had a bad day at rehearsal, we'd grab some ice cream, braid each others' hair, and jam out to the Spice Girls?"

"I wish it were that easy," I softly exhale into her hair. "That, and I don't eat dairy anymore."

Humor. Did I just crack a joke or was I simply pointing out the obvious? Regardless, I feel her smile. She pulls away from me and assesses my face.

"I can't bear to see you this way. Well, I've actually never seen you this way," she pauses contemplating her next words. "Does your mom know?"

I shook my head in the negative.

She gave me a disappointed smile. There's another person I've let down, maybe that's why I wasn't enough. "Are you gonna tell her?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Well, I have an idea. Call her and tell her and then we can make a trip home. And by home, I mean your home. The East Coast air will do you some good."

"Yeah, that sounds fun, but she's gonna be so sad," I croaked out, my vocal chords disagreeing with my train wreck of emotions.

"Sweetie, everyone needs their mom to hold tight and make everything better. That's something that never changes. Plus, we have a few days off."

I shake my head in the affirmative. "Thanks Jen. You don't even now how much I need this right now."

"I do. I really do. You were there for me with Rob. It's the least I can do."

"Do you think I'll ever smile again," I asked forming a slight smile.

"Glad your dramatic self is coming back," she smiled back.

* * *

><p>It's easy to forget how much you actually miss your home until you finally go back. The smell of fresh baked cookies is so welcoming I almost forget why I even came. Ever since I told my mom she's been supportive and nothing but kind, but I can't help but feel the sadness in her voice when she tells me that sometimes "things aren't meant to be," or see it in her eyes when they landed on me at the airport. She loves Dianna almost as much as I do… did… do.<p>

I eat a cookie because I'm starving. My appetite hasn't been what is usually is, but now that I have my mommy, I feel safe and protected. The day goes by with distracting activities and everyday errands. Jenna and my mom make a great partnership for Team CheerLeaUp. My dad was just as upset and mom, but he was more direct about his feelings. "No, that's unacceptable, Lea. That's not Dianna, at least not the genuine wonderful girl that I know. She's made a mistake, but you'll see, she'll come around. It'll be up to you whether to forgive her or not."

After dinner, I excuse myself politely to my room. I'm so grateful they understand and leave me to ruminate on my own. I'm used to sleeping naked (with her), but I'm at my parents' so that seems weird. My Lynard Skynard shirt feels worn, soft, and familiar, but if those threads could talk, well they'd break my heart all over again. Why did I even bring this? I slip it over my head and it weighs heavy on me like an oxygen tank. Even if I were 300 feet below she'd still be haunting me. Dianna's scent is all over the collar and I can't help but collapse onto my bed unceremoniously, clutching the nearest teddy bear, and bawl my eyes out.

The door creaks open and I can hear my mother's sympathy. Before I know it, I feel her agile arms around my tiny breaking frame, and she coos "there, there it'll be alright," over and over. How does she know?

"I'm here whenever you're ready to talk about it. Your mommy'll always be here for you."

"She left me."

She shushes me.

"Why would she do that? I thought, I, I, I thought, she said she loved me." I chocked out between shuddering sobs. "How could I be so stupid? I believed her for _so_ long. It just all seemed so sudden. How do these things just happen?"

"She does love you, baby. It'll be alright," she continued as she stroked my hair, tracing soft scribbles over my back.

"No she doesn't!" I yelled backed harshly. "She chose _him_. She didn't choose me."

"People make mistakes, Lea. Give her a chance to process things."

"Would you let dad 'process things' if he left you for someone else?"

"We've had our own problems, but you get through them. You communicate. How else do you think we've been together for so long?"

Did she just insinuate that he's cheated on her before? I can't really think anymore; my head feels like a 10,000 lb. gorilla is running on it and I'm so congested, I've resorted to mouth breathing. Talk about attractive.

"I don't know mom. I don't know how to talk to her or what I would even say, but I'm sure it'll sound angry or pathetic or both."

A loud exhale tickles my ears. "She really did a number on you and for that, she's going to have to make it up to me personally." I smile inwardly at her playful reprimand, but I know there's definite truth behind it.

"I think I just need some sleep now." Now's not the time for my mom to fill my head with possible thoughts of a future where Dianna and I are spending time with my family. I'm literally and figuratively falling apart in her arms. Do you think Dianna's good at fixing a Rubik's Cube?

My mom offers more of what only feel like platitudes, tucks me in, and turns off the light on her way out.


	11. Chapter 11 Fuck

**A/N: Hiatus is over! I know it's been a while, but thank you to those of you that have kept up with this fic. As promised, another chapter - the longest one yet, with another chapter to follow immediately. Happy reading and happy holidays!**

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><p>"<em>Did I wake you?"<em>

_I yawn out of exhaustion, not from sleep. "No, not really. I didn't sleep well last night," I mumble._

"_Me neither."_

_I listen to her steady breathing and sleep begins to overcome me._

"_Come back?"_

_I stir awake from the sound of her voice. "Hmm, sorry. I was falling asleep. I think you're my sandwoman – you know – I could go back, but you could also come and sleep here with me."_

"_You don't have to tell me twice. I'll pack a bag."_

"_You're too easy, Agron."_

"_I thought that was the kind of the point. Plus, there are so many _new_ surfaces." _

_Is she implying what I think she's implying? I'm awake now. The idea of having my way with this beautiful creature all around my new apartment, on top of her sexy sleepy morning voice, has my body buzzing._

"_Maybe me moving out wasn't such a bad idea."_

"_Maybe, but I miss you already."  
><em>

_The pain in her voice tears my heart. "I know," I breathe out, "but it'll be for the best for our careers. I only want to protect you, Di, and if that means this, then so be it."_

"_Thank you," she said sounding uncertain. "I'm starting to rethink this. I don't like it. I miiiisssss yoooooou toooooo muuuuuuuch!"_

"_Hey, Miss Grumpy Pants, we'll make it through this. All they did was give us 100 new reasons to have several sleepovers and twice as much space to call our own… or twice as many places where I can have my way with you."_

"_Mmm, I like the way you think," she said suggestively. I want to jump through the phone and wrap myself around her, tangling our naked bodies in the crisp white sheets._

"_Did you just wake up?" I finally ask, only now realizing that she sounded alert from the start of this morning's pillow talk._

"_No. I've been listening to music that makes me miss you even more." I can hear her pouting through the phone._

"_Cute. You're going to have to share it with me, that way I can listen to it when I miss you, too. But babe?" _

"_Yeah?"_

"_Are you naked?"_

_She smirks. I love hearing her smile sexily through the phone. "Yes." Her voice has suddenly lowered._

"_Are you still sleepy?" she counters back._

"_No."_

"_Well, if I were there, I'd kiss your pouty mouth. It's always so plump when you first wake up in the morning."_

_My breathing picks up its pace. I lick my lips, dig my head into the pillow, close my eyes, and snake my hand down between my legs, my silk negligee bunched around my waist. Good morning, indeed._

_She continues. "I'd kiss you softly and let my hands trace figure eights up and down your stomach. I wouldn't use any tongue because I know how you feel about morning breath, but I _would_ move up from your mouth to your ear, nibbling your tender lobes, and breathe softly into your ear. I'd kiss down your neck – sucking, nibbling, kissing, licking, taking my time to taste you."_

_My breath was now becoming ragged as my idle hands were making… sexy work, trying their best to recreate Dianna's skilled motions._

"_You always taste __**so**__ good, Lea."_

"_You do, too."_

"_You're nipples are always so hard under my hands, I can't help but put them in my mouth and suck the shit out of them."_

_I moan loudly while pinching my nipples with my left hand, my right working into a frenzy._

"_You love it when I suck them, don't you?"_

_I breathe loudly._

"_Don't you?" she asked again forcefully._

"_Yes. Yes I love it when you suck my nipples."_

_Her breathing has picked up as well._

"_What is your right hand doing, Di?"_

"_Touching myself."  
><em>

"_How? Describe it to me." The more specific, the better._

"_I'm so hot and wet. I'm slipping over my clit."_

"_Circle your entrance, but don't go in," I command. Her breath hitches and she moans loudly into the phone. I can hear her biting on her lip._

"_Taste yourself," I continue, wishing my mouth was the receiver of that digit. She mmms audibly. "Tastes good, doesn't it?"_

"_Yes," she whines out._

"_Now fuck yourself with it." She moans roughly, growling almost, followed by a high pitch moan._

"_God you sound so fucking sexy. Keep pumping in and out, baby," I breathe out full of lust._

"_You like making me cum, don't you, Lea? You like knowing you're the one that makes me gush and scream."_

"_GOD YES!" I respond. "I'm so close babe. Oh, oh, _so_ close!"_

"_Me, too."_

"_Put another finger inside yourself." Her moans are raising higher and higher in both volume and pitch. "Oh fuck, I love hearing you come. Come for me, Di. All over your hand."_

_My breathing is so erratic. My hips are quivering, practically humping the air. I can hear my heart beating in my ears and feel it all over my body. _

_Her mouth shuts and high pitched whines are emanating from her throat. "Yes baby, that's it. Come for me." Her mouth opens, releasing the sexiest sound I've ever heard over the phone._

"_Fuck! Leaaa."_

_My pussy's clenching air. "Oh fuck, I'm coming."_

My whole body jolts awake right as I approached my climax, and just as quickly, I feel sad and pathetic. I can't even have her in my memories.

I clutch my stomach and quietly sob as if I had the wind knocked out of me, as if gravity won't allow my insides to stay put. My body is trying to release everything - an internal hard reset - because it's the only way it can think of to get rid of her and save itself. Fight or flight. It's trying to run away from me, yet all I can do is cry and hang on tight. If only I had those instincts.

That was such a beatiful morning. It's always been one of my fondest memories because besides the amazing telephonically induced orgasm, for me, that moment was a game changer. A cementing moment, even. A moment, that I thought, showed our real connection and commitment. But... I guess I was wrong.

I was so wrong and it's tainted now. At least, that's what I should tell myself.

_FUCK!_

Now she's in _his_ bed. I hope she's his #4.

No, that's not true, she's mine. Correction, _was_ mine.

I can't help but think that not even Rachel, my pseudo-caricature, would be this dramatic about a break up. Although, I suppose, she's never been this in love.

I need to stop thinking about her – Dianna, not Rachel. The way she walks, talks. The way she can look at you as if you're the only person in the room. The way she gives me butterflies without even trying. The way she laughs.

My sobs have subsided, but I'm sure my eyes are red and Berry the Bear is going to need to go in the wash. Suddenly, there's a creak at the door. "Lea, sweetie, are you ok?"

I sniffle in response and immediately my mom is by my side. She looks at me with her warm brown eyes full of sadness and empathy, stroking my hair, and I can't help but study her. I have her flawless bone structure - cheeks and chin. Eyebrows, too. Di used to always say, "If you weren't in the picture, I'd let Edith play nurse on me anytime. _Cough, cough_."

Do with that what you will.

...Wait...

Hold the fucking phone...

If she'd fuck my mom, then why not me? That _bitch!_

I snap my head up abruptly, catching my mom off guard, her hand frozen on my shoulder.

"I can't believe her! She said she loved me. She said 'forever.' She said our relationship was so true it made all the others seem nonexistent. She said I made her _feel_ like her life had only just now started."

I was rambling and breathing heavily, but I had to get this off my chest.

"Why would she say that? Why would she feed me with her lies?"

"Baby, she _did_ mean it when she said it." _I'll ignore this comment._

"_Then_, she has the _balls_ to tell me that 'something just kind of happened.' That his _assholeness_ is akin to my fiestyness. That it wasn't about sex. That they didn't even _have_ sex! I mean, at least if it was about sex, I could write it off as a physical thing, but NO! She has _fucking __**feelings**_ for HIM!"

"Lea!" My mother chastised.

"Fuck that! Fuck that and FUCK! HER! She can take all her goddamn feelings for him and _fuck_ him for all I care! She can take it _all_ because I don't want it. I don't need her _shit_ lying around my house to remind me of the mistakes I made. Fuck an asshole!"

The rage coursing through my veins feels like lava and my tears have all dried up. I wouldn't be surprised if I was actually foaming at the mouth. My mother's eyes are either scared or shocked. I can't really think straight to tell the difference, but I meant every word of it. Her mouth opened to retort, but it shut just as quickly. I hope that's the kind of response I can elicit from that heart crusher.

"Don't say things you'll regret. You're angry and I know you don't mean that."

"Oh believe me, I mean it! I mean every word. With the way she treated me, I think I'm entitled to lash out. Hell, she's lucky I haven't taken all the shit that reminds me of her and dump it on his lawn. The paparazzi would have a field day with that!"

"Enough! I don't like hearing you talk this way. That's just plain evil. Would you really do that to her career?"

I gulped audibly. _Damn_. "I – well – you're right." My shoulders have fallen and there goes all my air. "I'm just so broken, you know? I'm shattered, livid, wounded, sad, and a million other anti-happy feelings."

"I know, honey."

My rage has dwindled down to tears. "I have to see her tomorrow. But what hurts the most is that she hasn't called. She hasn't tried to beg for forgiveness or check up on me. It's like she doesn't even care," I manage to say between sniffles.

"That's what I'm here for, and Jenna, and Jon, and Chris, too," she said as she rubbed my hair. I could only manage a nod. "Listen, I know you have to be at the airport in a few hours. Why don't you get cleaned up, I'll make you some breakfast, and then I can drop you off? I may not be able to make everything better in one day, but I will always always be there for you, baby. And if you need a little pep talk, you can always call, text, email, or Facetime™ with your Ma."

* * *

><p>I sit in my parked car staring at my hands on the black steering wheel. Although I've had plenty of morning pep texts from Jenna and Chris to prepare me for today, I feel like I'm about to walk onto the 101 in the middle of rush hour with a sign that says, "10 Points." That thought actually makes me laugh out loud because 10 points is actually pretty generous for such an easy target. I can't help but think about Jenna's text.<p>

**Today's going 2 b hard, but I've seen her 2. If u need a moment, I'll leave my trailer unlocked. They won't look for u in there.**

She's seen her and it's going to be hard. So she must be happy with him and relieved to be rid of me, the burden. Why did I have to date someone from work? That _never_ works! I watch as the tendons of my hand ripple methodically as my fingers drum on the wheel. It's a nervous habit, but the seamless motions are mesmerizing.

I'm not waiting for her, if that's what you're thinking. It's just that, well I know I'm not the first one here so she may already be here and I could bump into her, and I really don't want to be surprised. So really, I'm just stalling to see if she comes in soon and then I can go in after. Yeah, that's it.

Suddenly there's a knock on my window and I screech so loud it makes Chris scream, too. I'm grabbing at my chest because I think I may just have a heart attack. There's no way she'd just approach me like that; of _course_ it's Chris. His face goes from bluish purple to his radiant self as the window snakes down – his half smile mirroring my own.

"You ready?" He asks with a look of sudden concern.

"No, honestly. I barely got a wink in last night, but I'm just so tired of feeling like shit and avoiding her. Maybe it's just better to get it over with. I have to deal with it sometime, right?"

"That's up to you, girly."

I exhale loudly, lick my lips, and slip my sunglasses down over my eyes.

"Come on. I'd like to get paid today."

He laughs at that and opens my door like a proper gentleman. Suddenly I miss Jon and wish that he was here with me. He'd know what to do, or at least be my personal bodyguard and keep a lookout for the blonde who must not be named.

My legs are moving me about the set and I regret bringing my giant Michael Kors bag because my legs feel like jelly enough as it is._ Note to self: leave the tote; grab the clutch._

Have you ever walked up to people and realized they were just talking about you? Have you ever had it happen 60 times in a row? **I have**. Ok, maybe not quite 60 times, but every single person on set it looking at me with a look that says, "I'm sorry for your loss." I should have known that a show about high school would be just like _fucking_ high school. I keep my chin up and grasp onto Chris' arm for dear life. "Hi George," I say to the sound guy. _This is a normal day. This is a normal day_.

I was polite to the crew and make eye contact with Cory behind my sunglasses. He looks at me as if his puppy just died and his look cuts like a knife. _Fuck, Monteith. I can't go 5 minutes without crying._ I purse my lips and thank God my sunglasses are dark enough that my reddening eyes are hidden from the world.

The make up trailer is now before me, though not of my own volition. Chris must have a magic genie or maybe he's a wizard. He excuses himself after making sure I didn't need anything else and closes the door behind him quietly. Lexy looks straight through me, sizing me up. I won't break under her gaze, so I stare straight ahead at my meek reflection to see the coward hiding behind sunglasses. I take a few deep breaths before I take off my sunglasses and wait for her look of pity.

"She fucked up, and for that, I'm sorry," she says.

_What? What the hell did she say?_

"Um, thank you, I guess."

"I know my apology won't make it better, but just know that even though she's my friend, I'm on your side on this."

I stare straight into her brown eyes searching for condescension. I don't need her to patronize me, I just need my damn makeup done. But there's nothing there except sincerity and I can't help but feel like an asshole. _Maybe I _am_ like him._

"You're right, it won't, but thanks all the same."

"You're welcome," she says as she approaches the chair I'm standing next to. "She's not doing any better, you know."

"What?" I say as my eyes dart up to meet hers in the mirror.

"I – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Just know that you're not the only one who'll be using up half a bottle of concealer under their eyes."

I'm dumbfounded. She's been crying, too? What does _she_ have to cry about? Maybe he dumped her, too? Yeah, that's gotta be it. He only wanted what he couldn't have and once he got it, he dropped her like a bad habit. Hmm.

"Do you mind if Valerie does my makeup today? I just – can't – with you, today. No offense."

She drops the makeup she was preparing onto the counter. "Yeah. Not a problem. I'll page her over. But Lea?" There's a pregnant pause. "It'll get better."

Those hot salty drops are on the verge of spilling over again and I can't handle this giant _Let's All Talk About Your Nasty Breakup Fest_ everyone seems to want to have. Who the hell coordinated this one? Guess what? That's the last goddamn thing I want or need.

She seems to get the message and walks out.

_Fuck. If this is just makeup, I may actually die by the end of the day._

* * *

><p>"Hey girlfriend, having fun?"<p>

"Yeah, awesome party."

"_**CUT!**_" Ian shouted. "Dianna, great delivery. It really feels as if you're dying on the inside standing in front of Rachel, but Lea, you sound too forceful. I love the energy and hope you're giving me, but it almost sounds as if you're commanding her to give you a response. Rachel's supposed to be oblivious to what's really going on inside Quinn right now. K? Let's try that again."

I'm reveling in this scene. The moment I saw her, I knew I couldn't look her in the eyes… at least, not as Lea. I refused to look at her, but when our scene came up, I couldn't help but want to rub her own misery in her face. Here I was calling her 'girlfriend' and asking her if she was 'having fun.' Ha! Yeah, Rachel was supposed to be happy and hopeful, but I wanted to really push her buttons and go over the top with it. _Look at me not giving any fucks about you and your feelings_. _Having fun?_

I get to make out with Darren and hang onto Cory while being loud and annoying. She gets to skulk in the corner. I have to thank the PTB for this writing gold because she can go fuck herself in a corner while I have a good, fake, time. The music and everyone's fake drunkness is almost enough to distract me from the one person in the room that is sucking the life from me – sort of like a dementor.

As soon as the scene wraps, I beeline it toward my trailer. I need out of this god-awful dress and away from the blonde who must not be named. Steps away from my door, I hear someone running up from behind me and I know that gait anywhere. Like magnets, my body is buzzing with attraction toward her and my legs slow to a stop, allowing her to come near.

"Lea," she pants out almost reaching for my hand – almost.

She's standing there. Just standing there looking straight at me. Is that it? That's all she had planned. Really? This is her "redeeming" moment? 'Lea.' _Pathetic_.

I give her my back and continue toward my trailer.

"Wait," she implores quietly and like the obedient dog I am, I halt again, but I refuse to let her see my face.

"Lea – I – um. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I – I don't really even know what to say, but I would say whatever I need to to keep you in my life, as a part of my life, as more than a friend. And I – yeah – yeah."

"You've said enough."


	12. Chapter 12 Phone Wars

"No, Lea. That's the problem. I haven't said enough. I haven't been saying what I mean."

Her voice was muffled through the lightweight aluminum trailer door. I was certain she couldn't hear my labored breathing or my quiet sobs but I covered my mouth with my hand for good measure. Why was she doing this here – now – of all places? She's killing me. I've built this delicate protective cocoon to insulate myself against the way she makes me want to throw myself under a bus if that's what it would take to make all of this go back to the way it was, before him, but she's setting it on fire and smoking me out.

I turned around to face the door, mashing my swollen lips against it.

"You fucked it. You fucked it all up, Di, and I just can't do this anymore. You broke me and you broke us and frankly, I could give a shit what you have to say," I say unconvincingly and although I'm not saying what I mean, I mean what I say; that was the point, wasn't it?

I hear her sniffle and gasp audibly. I can imagine her beautiful tear stained face and I want nothing more than to throw my door open and kiss her senselessly, but I can't.

"You've made your choice clear. Now let him have his spoils and tell Alex that he can have you. I won't put up a fight." I can't believe these words are coming out my mouth. They're not brave words by any stretch of the imagination. I'm being a coward. I'm giving up. I'm more surprised by this "roll over and take it" approach that has spewed out of my mouth, because a real Sarfati would have gone out guns blazing. What happened to the big dramatic romantic gestures? Here's this beautiful heart breaker throwing herself at me and I find myself hiding and pushing her away.

"Do you mean that?" She cried out mutely. The pain in her voice was gut wrenching and I feel like the most ignominious asshole on the planet. No one makes my little lamb cry and gets away with it. But the pianissimo question still hangs in the air – a mere preamble – a title page to a great, tragic volume to the rest of my life.

Behind the hollow cold metal, I'm shaking my head in the negative, but she can't see that. For once, though, someone's sticking up for my heart and answers for me. "I'm done talking, Di."

Ok, well that wasn't quite the 'yes I forgive you let's live happily ever after' answer I was hoping for, but I'm not like him. I won't ruin a relationship and I refuse to be her side experiment. I'm a leading lady, _not_ a supporting actor. But there was room for interpretation in my answer, so that maybe, some day, she might decide she made the biggest mistake of her life and wants me back. Me and _only_ me.

* * *

><p>I must admit she's always been the more creative one of the two of us. My phone has been ringing nonstop since I left the studio. I currently have two voicemails and three text messages. I should turn off my phone to avoid temptation, but I can't. It's my lifeline after all. I mean, what if Jenna wanted to hang out or Jon has something exciting to tell me? What then? Be a bad friend and let think I've died because I've neglected to answer my phone? I think not. So it stays on and my heart flutters every time I see "anonymous blonde" flash on my screen to the sound of some sound tone called "suspense" because I really appreciate the drama of the diminished chord played by a loud brass section that just screams Hans Zimmer – similar to the way you know you're about to get a juicy detail every time you hear the dun-dun in Law &amp; Order.<p>

I didn't want to listen to her messages or read her texts, but really, that's the same as asking for a Christmas miracle or hoping that Mufasa didn't really die in the middle of the Lion King and instead lived a long eventful life and died of natural lion causes. Okay, now I'm just flat out stalling.

My thumb was hovering over the voicemail icon for what seemed like hours. I even prepared myself for the worst. I'm curled up in my warm down blankets on my bed with a hot cup of tea. It's now or never. _She loves me, she loves me not_.

Play.

_Lea, I know you don't want to talk. So don't. Just listen. I've said enough in your mind, but I really haven't even begun saying what I mean – what I really feel, but you don't want to hear from me. So, I suppose I'll let others do that for me. Please don't just hear, but listen to what they have to say for me. _

Violins and guitar chords begin to play and I instantly recognize the song, but then the smoky buttery tenor voice I'm used to hearing has been replaced by her pure timid alto.

"_Can I stay here with you 'til the morning? I am so far from home and I feel a little stoned. Can I stay here with you 'til the morning? There's nothing I'd love more than to wake up on your floor. So lay with me in your thinnest dress, fill my heart with each caress between your blissful kisses whisper 'darling is his love?' Can I stay here with you 'til the day breaks? There's something you should know I ain't got no place to go. So whisper to me 'is this love?_'"

My chamomile tea has gone cold as tears streak down my face. God I want her here so badly, but one song won't cut it. It doesn't even begin to explain or placate all of the fears that I have. Yet she knows exactly how to twist the knife.

She used to sing this song to me. Did you know that? Whenever she missed me or we were apart. She didn't have to sing or text the whole song, but my answer was always yes. Unabashedly yes. And now – now it's too painful to answer, but my head knows that the answer is no. No, because she ruined our perfect thing and now I'm angry again. If she hadn't been such a fucking _slut_, we wouldn't be in this position. _Whatever_. She chose this. She's probably only asking because he kicked her ass out.

I'm really not in any mood to listen to the rest of her bullshit, so instead, I'll go watch some Real Housewives and try to ignore my phone. I'm a sucker for Tamra, if only for the fact that it's hard to look away from train wrecks. I wish there was a rerun of the New Jersey housewives, but Orange County is always a nice fallback. I'm not pretending as if my phone is dead to me, quite the contrary; it's mocking me, begging me to look at it every five seconds and willingly I oblige.

There's a catfight on screen and I can't even pay attention. My mind is racing. In 500 words or less, describe your current inner monologue. Uhh, no can do... I think. Words probably aren't even the best tools right now. I'm sure I can make some weird animal grunts that may come close. Would you like to hear my try?

Didn't think so.

I'm sad: I've been recently broken up with from a long-term relationship.

I'm angry: _See above_.

I'm lonely: I sleep alone at night. _See above_.

I miss her: _See above_.

I feel betrayed: She was developing feelings for someone other than me while with me. _See above_.

I feel guilty: I've said some mean awful things to her. I hate cursing at her and meaning it and worst of all, I hate making her cry.

I'm an asshole: _See above_.

I miss her: Have I mentioned that?

Truism: I want her back.

* * *

><p>I have 4 new voicemails. 4. Four. Quatre. Quatro. I hate that number.<p>

Play.

_I realized that you might think that I'm still with Alex. Well, I'm not. After Chris', the realization that I've lost you – because of him – was unbearable. I ended whatever it was that we had, but I couldn't stay at my place. You're all over it and that would just break my heart all over again. I'm at the Roosevelt, room 1415. And thanks for the tweet... it really meant a lot to me._

"_I ain't lookin' to compete with you. Beat or cheat or mistreat you. Simplify you, classify you deny, defy or crucify you. All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you._

_I don't want to straight-face you. Race or chase you, track or trace you or disgrace you or displace you or define you or confine you. All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you._

_I don't want to fake you out. Take or shake or forsake you out. I ain't lookin' for you to feel like me, see like me or be like me. All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you._"

_Above all things, you were my friend first, Lea. Please, at the least let me have that back. _

These messages aren't getting any easier to listen to. I love her speaking voice. Did you know that? I know these lyrics and I not-so-secretly love that she chose certain verses.

Ugh! Did you hear her? She's not with #4 anymore! She ended it **and** she gave me her hotel room number. Hm, well that's presumptive. Should I be happy that she's completely single so that any move we make is totally kosher? Should I be happy that she's only a 20-minute drive away, give or take a few with traffic? But she got it wrong didn't she. Somewhere in there. I don't know – it felt like – kind of like a backhanded compliment of sorts.

I need to talk to Jon but as I reach back for my phone, Naya's face graces my screen. I don't think _she_'d be with her or pull a stunt like that. No harm in answering I suppose.

_Hello?_

_Hey, Nay._

_Hey, Lea. How are you?_

_I'm still here... but what's up? Is something wrong?_

_No. Nothing's wrong per se. I was just wondering if you might want to talk to someone about Lady Di. I mean, someone that may be more of a neutral party._

_You're hardly a neutral party, Nay._

_Well, that's true, but it tears me up to see her so dismantled and that's because _she's_ the one that fucked up. I can only imagine how you're doing._

….

_Lea? Hello?_

_Yeah, I'm here._ I swallow thickly.

_Shit. I'm sorry. This is probably too much, isn't it?_

…_._

_Look, I'm sorry I brought it up but someone needs to get things moving and if it takes a little kick in the ass, then I'll be that person. She loves you, Lea. More than she thought was possible and that scared the shit out of her. You were the first girl that she was actually serious serious about and for some people that can be frightening. I'm not saying the way she handled things was appropriate or right, but if you can't see that she'd give you the moon, then _you're_ the fool and _you _don't deserve her. At the least, hear her out and talk. That's all I can ask. I love you both to just sit here and watch you both be miserable._

_I – no. You're out of line Naya. Next time you want to give some of your grandiose advice, you can tell your friend to keep it in her pants. Or were you egging her on to give it a go? _

_What?_

_Fuck it. It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about her. Not with you or anyone, so keep your fucking mouth shut. I'll see you at work._

_Wait! Lea! _

_What? What more could you possibly have to say to me. "Gee, Lea, how's the weather?" Fuck that. I don't need you telling me what I should do or what I do and don't deserve. And don't for a _second_ try to be so self-righteous. What about Heather? Where were your balls with that?_

_T-that's different._

_Is it, though? You've got some nerve. If I want the teapot to call the kettle black, I definitely know who to call. I hope your heroism's made you happy in the friend-zone. At least I had the balls to go after my girl. And you? You just stood there and let her fall away. You're pathetic._

_Fuck you!_

_Maybe some other time._

_No, fuck you, Lea! You leave Heather out of this. I was just trying to help you, but I can see why Di left you. You're a bitch and _no one_ wants to be with a bitch. Go fuck yourself!_

**Crash! **

Stupid bitch made me break Di's blue vase. I hate her and I hate my phone. I need a nap but I know I'll toss and turn until I check another message.

Fine. I'll read a text.

"_There is no greater love than what I feel for you. No sweeter song, no heart so true. There is no greater thrill than what you bring to me. No sweeter song than what you sing to me. You're the sweetest thing I have ever known and to think that you _could_ be mine alone. There is no greater love in all the world, it's true. No greater love than what I feel for you."_

I _am_ an asshole.

* * *

><p>ANONYMOUS BLONDE<p>

February 12, 2011 9:14 pm

"_When you do dance, I wish you/ A wave o' th' sea, that you might ever do/ Nothing but that._"

February 12, 2011 10:25 pm

"_Hello gorgeous._"

February 12, 2011 11:32 pm

"_We _can_ both win._" _I'll never be Hubbell._

New voicemail. February 12, 2011 10:34 pm

_I hope you're listening to these. "The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest. __I never felt my mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment - upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window: you always concentrate my whole senses._"

_I will wait until you tell me not to. My phone is always with me, as are you, in my thoughts. I miss you._

New voicemail. February 13, 2011 12:11 am

_I'm letting go. I'm letting love in. And it's you. It's always been you._

New voicemail. February 13, 2011 12:47 am

_I once read that if you never got lost, there's a chance you may never be found. Well I was lost. I was floundering really. At first you were my life vest, bright orange and secure, but somewhere along the way, I let it loosen up, by my own fears and insecurities. I foolishly thought there was a different lifesaver, one that wasn't so bright or flashy. I was wrong. Unequivocally wrong. I'm not sure if I've been found, but I think I'm finding my way, and although the path may be treacherous and winding, it's the way. My way. My path. My journey. And I believe it leads to you. You're my journey and I your pilgrim._

_Yeah… that's all for tonight. Sweet dreams._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow! Thank you all for the reviews and alerts. I'm trying to catch up with my personal responses, so please be patient. Btw, it's very hard making Dianna out to be this evil thing, so I'm glad I've been able to make her the villain. **

**Songs and poets referenced:**

**Ray LaMontagne, Bob Dylan, Ella Fitzgerald, Barbra Streisand, John Keats, and William Shakespeare**


	13. Chapter 13 Who's keeping scoring?

**A/N: So many reviews and alerts. Thank you all! Things are certainly getting dicey now. Enjoy and Happy New Year/Feliz Año Nuevo/Bonne Année/Manigong Bagong Taon!**

* * *

><p>I found a note this morning in my trailer just past the doorjamb. The paper was a beautiful off-white rag paper, her elegant cursive gracing its surface in red ink. The thought of her standing in front of my trailer with apprehension right before dawn is so romantic and picturesque I have to reprimand my own imagination.<p>

_She must have been nervous_. _My anonymous blonde_.

It's still sitting on the counter of my trailer. Right now. As I speak, or type, or whatever, you know what I mean. I hate how unassuming it would seem to anyone else. Just another receipt, grocery list, or recyclable. It's really anything but that. At least, it is to me.

I'm afraid to read it, could you do it for me?

No, I suppose not. It's intimate not one of those things that the Cliffnotes version will suffice.

Man, I really need to grow a pair.

I've got 15 minutes until my next call. I'll just pop in really quick, change, eat, and read the damn thing. Yes. That's what I'll do.

Greek or Italian salad today? Olives or focaccia bread? Alright alright I'm stalling I know, but damn, give a girl some space!

The paper feels good in my hands – just the right texture and weight – and I instinctively bring it up to my nose. I can faintly smell her perfume, it's so subtle. She must have clutched it to her chest before slipping it under… and now I'm a creeper. It's not my fault I know her mannerisms so well, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her, for Christ's sake. It's only natural, right?

Hands trembling, my fingers fumble over its folds as its contents appear before me.

_I remember when I first met you._

_I remember feeling that instant connection._

_I remember when we decided to be roommates._

_I remember the first time I heard you sing while cooking to no one in particular._

_I remember the first time I felt insecure because you were so damn naturally talented._

_I remember the first time you made me feel butterflies._

_I remember our first thunderstorm._

_I remember our first KISS and it was MAGICK._

_I remember the first time you left your toothbrush in my bathroom._

_I remember the first time we made love._

_I remember the first time I had to lie about us and my feelings for you._

_I remember the first time we fucked._

_I remember the first time I felt loneliness, sleeping without you._

_I remember the first time we took a trip together, just the two of us._

_I remember the first time you held my hand in a tattoo parlor no matter how hard I squeezed._

_I remember the first time I experienced the Sarfati temper. _

_I remember the first time I thought I wasn't good enough for you._

_I remember the first time I felt jealousy._

_I remember loosing my breath realizing I didn't want to be with anyone else while I watched you peel a clementine._

_I remember being terrified._

_I remember your warmth and loving spirit._

_I remember the way your lips move when you say "fuck."_

_I remember the day I saw a glint of jealousy in your eyes._

_I remember the first time you shed tears because of me._

_I remember the moment when I began to doubt myself._

_I remember when I let my weakness overtake me._

_I remember the day I watched you break inside._

_I remember the day I loathed myself._

_I remember crying a river for you, hoping you would skate on it back to me._

_I remember realizing that I am so unbelievably in love with the most amazing woman in the world and that I'm a fool to have willingly pushed you away._

_I remember resolving to fix everything._

_I remember how you like your coffee._

_I remember your particular hatred of black licorice._

_I remember the way your nails feel scratching down my back._

_I remember the way you taste._

_I remember your favorite side of the bed._

_I remember that you told me I was the love of your life._

_I hope you remember, too._

And that's the thing, isn't it? I do.

"Lea, you're needed on set in two," Trish informs me through the door. _Well_, so much for lunch.

* * *

><p>I'm sitting in my chair watching as Puck is hitting on some lucky flavor of the week. It makes me laugh because Mark would <em>never<em> use any of those cheesy pick-up lines that Puck so effortlessly throws out to the wind. Well, not when he's sober, at least. Somehow I don't think "sexy mama" will get you very far in this town.

"Hey Munchkin."

"Hey Amber. I thought you were done for the day?" I say turning back to look at her ever-smiling face.

"I am, but I told Heather I'd wait around for her."

"Oh, cool. You guys gonna grab dinner?"

"When isn't food involved with her? We talked about getting drinks, but I'm sure we'll eat."

She may not have any body fat but Heather **loves** to eat. "Definitely," I agree needlessly.

"You're more than welcome to join us if you'd like."

_Dodge. I really just want to go home and reread her note about a thousand times._ "Oh, thanks, but I think I'm going late tonight and plus I'm pretty tired. I can already hear my bath calling my name."

Amber eyes me with trepidation. She's not buying it one bit, but she humors me nonetheless and I thank her with my eyes.

"Well I feel you on that one. But – I don't mean to pry – but I'm really worried about you. How are you holding up?"

"How do I look?"

"Honestly?"

I nod my head.

"Better than I expected. If I were you, I'd be a mess with snot and tears all over my face. A cross between the Swamp Thing and The Exorcist."

I appreciate her levity and chuckle in response. I guess this doesn't have to be a super serious conversation after all.

"But you look sad. She looks sad. And it makes me sad to see two people who used to make each other so happy be so sad. So I'll ask you again, how are you holding up?"

That's the million-dollar question. Can I phone a friend?

"I'm – well – I fucking hate this. I can't stand to be here. I can't stand to be anywhere. I'm angry and sad and hopeful and a whole shit storm of emotions that don't belong together. She's leaving me messages and texts and notes. They're super sweet and romantic and they all make me want to cry because the stupid little naïve girl inside of me wants to believe everything she says and forgive her and take her back, but the older jaded side of me knows that it'll never be the same and a few words, no matter how sappy, aren't enough to win back my trust and make everything ok. And I hate it all."

_So maybe that was word vomit, but she asked for it._

"Wow. I mean, I-I'm glad you're being honest, but I don't think that there's supposed to be a set way to put a long-term breakup into words. Are you sure you don't want to come out with us and talk about it?"

"Yeah. Right now, I just want to be alone and think."

"I get that."

She's silent and looking at me with sympathy, but not the "funeral" look, which I'm completely grateful for. No, she's looking at me as if I just scuffed my favorite pair of patent leather Louboutins. Marring, but fixable given enough elbow grease... or whatever it is you use to get out scuffs.

"So… are you guys talking and trying to work things out?"

"No. No, she's the one that's been calling and texting me. It's too soon for that."

"Why? I mean, I can respect that you need to take your own pace, but why not?"

"Because I might actually cave in and take her back," I rush out.

"Oh."

"Yeah," I agree with a tight-lipped smile.

"Well, can I be frank with you… because I love you and all?"

"Do I really have a choice?"

"Of course you do. It won't do you any good to hear me if you're not ready to listen."

I don't know why, but this resonates deeply with me. It feels like a light has been turned on. What does Oprah call that? Oh yeah, my "Aha!" moment.

"You're right, Amber." I paused in thought. "I appreciate your consideration, I do. You've never been anything but a good kind friend to me. It's not that I'm shutting you out, but that I'm shutting myself in. Does that make sense?"

"Kind of, but that's really just a game of semantics, Munchkin."

I stare at her dumbly because I know she's right. She's always been a great reader of people. Seriously, it doesn't seem like I can cut a break, but what exactly am I trying to cut a break from? From my friends who love me and are trying in the best way they can to make me feel better? I've already lost one of my best friends, I can't really afford to push everyone else away, now can I?

"Ugh. You're right. And when you're right, you're right."

"I know!" She says proudly.

"So… what did you want to say?"

"I wish for you to be happy. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I know what you're going through because I don't. It's different for everyone every time. But what I _can_ tell you, from my own experiences, is that it sucks – but it's not forever. You _will_ be happy again. Happiness is funny that way. It'll sneak up on you. It'll find you. Or you can find it. Either way, it's there for the taking.

"She used to make you happy, Lea. Insanely happy. I mean, sometimes, I seriously thought I was going to throw up from your guys' cuteness. I'm not saying you should forgive her or run back to her. I'm not in this relationship – you are – and only you know all the small details, and I get that. But from what I can see, the kind of happiness you both shined onto each other is rare and precious. It was a blessing, and in this day and age, that's hard to come by – and maybe that's something worth fighting for. I love you both, equally. So don't think I haven't given her a piece of my mind, but I heard her out, and… I don't know, I think that's something you'll have to figure out on your own."

"Is it kind of pathetic that she still kind of does make me happy?"

"Still? What do you mean?"

"Her voicemails and texts and notes. They're beautiful and heartwarming and…"

"That's not pathetic, Lea. You can't just stop loving someone completely. If it was that easy, then we'd probably be out of a job. Hell, 'The Notebook' would have only been 5 minutes long!"

Amber can always manage to make me smile even when I'm down.

"Look, she's trying. Meet her halfway and talk _and_ listen? At least… think about it. Okay?"

My bottom lip is trembling as my left hand wipes away a stray tear. I try to swallow the giant lead ball in my throat to respond to her, but I can't. So instead I give her a sad nod in the affirmative.

She pouts at me. "Oh! Look at you! I'm going to give you a hug now, whether you like it or not." And with that, she pulls me into a tight warm hug. It feels good holding something other than my own pillows or Sheila, not that she's really the hugging type.

"Thank you," I say quietly into her shoulder. "Thank you so much."

"Anytime."

"Woo!" I blow out, looking up at the ceiling, fanning my eyes, and willing my tears to stay at bay. "Damnit, Amber!" I curse out over her infectious laughter.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to go all after-school-special on you!"

* * *

><p>I've done a pretty good job of avoiding her today, but now it's just Cory, Mark, Kevin, Anonymous Blonde, and myself. I can feel her gorgeous hazel eyes boring holes into my face, but I refuse to meet their rays. So what if they all think I have a bladder the size of a pea or that I may have had my eyes dilated and therefore have to wear my sunglasses in dark recesses. This is SELF PRESERVATION people!<p>

I don't care if some random intern thinks I've become this crazy diva and sells my new eccentricities to The Enquirer. I'm sure it'd fall short of "Bat Baby Born in Boston!" or "600 lb. Man Marries a Mermaid."

I've been texting Jon in my dark corners, giving him updates on the whereabouts and pertinent recon about the anonymous blonde.

**Dad Jon: Are you in a safe zone? Is the AB still filming?**

**Mom Lea: 10-4. She's doing a seene. **

**Dad Jon: 30 minutes to go. You're almost scot-free.**

**Mom Lea: Maybe being a vampire wouldn't be so bad :) I can dig sunglasses and black.**

"Lea. Ryan wants a word with you," Ian whispers over his shoulder while lighting is fixing up some new rigs.

"Thanks," I mouth back. _Good God, what's happened now?_

I knock on his door tentatively. Maybe if he doesn't hear it, then I won't have to go in. I _really_ don't want to put up with his crap right now. The more people with souls I can keep around me, the better.

"Come in," I hear through the door. _Damn and I thought I had great hearing._

"Hey, Ian said you wanted a word. What's up?"

"Please take a seat," he says motioning toward the comfy little red couch we sometimes take naps on. He puts his hands together, fingertips touching, reminiscent of Mr. Burns. "Are you ok?" He asks me with a hint of… could it be? Emotion!

"Uhm, I'm not exactly sure I know what you mean. Is there something wrong with my singing? Did I not hit my marks?"

"What? No, no, no, silly girl. You've been great, as always. I mean, mentally and emotionally. This is a small place. Word gets around fast, you know."

"Oh, right. Dianna." I say after a pause. It actually stings to say her name out loud. My palms are instantly sweaty. I don't think I'm ready to have this conversation with him.

"I'm not going to say I told you so. I'm actually really concerned about you, sweetie."

_Sweetie? Where the hell did that come from? Are there cameras around?_

"Look, I know it's hard being gay in Hollywood. I mean, case in point," he says motioning at himself flamboyantly. He could have been a male Vanna White in his younger days. "And although I may have been, stern, with you both, I love watching young love and it pains me to see that Hollywood got the best of you. Although, I guess that's one of the main reasons I became a director."

"It's complicated."

"I'm sure it is. It _always_ is. It's complicated deciding whose turn it is to do the laundry. Believe me, I understand complicated."

How do you respond to that? What are you supposed to say? I'm not sure, so I simply nod my head. "Good thing I get everything dry cleaned."

"Yes, well, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. I can't have my star unhappy."

_And there it is._

"I'm sorry. That was callous of me. I really mean it though, Lea. I want you to be happy and if Dianna's the person to win the audition, then so be it. Love's not easy, kiddo."

"T-thanks, Ryan. I don't really know what else to say." I'm actually quite speechless.

"I've only heard stuff down the grapevine, but from what I hear, she's got some groveling and explaining to do. If I can give you any advice, make her work for it, because you're something that's worth effort to win. You're a real catch and I know that Glee's only the beginning for you – at least it will be if I have anything to say about it," he supplemented with a wink.

"Well for tonight, I'm just trying to get out of her alive," I say as I make my way out the door slipping my sunglasses back on. Yeah, it's 9 pm, but she's like Medusa, I can't look her in the eyes.

"Good luck," he says before the door closes.

I think that maybe, just maybe, Ryan Murphy may have a soul. It only took 2 years for him to warm up to me.

* * *

><p>Note tucked into my purse, keys in hand, and sunglasses on, I'm on my way to my car at a near speed walker's pace. I can see that it's already on thanks to my handy dandy remote starter button, which makes getting away that much easier. But the closer I get to my car, the more clearly I can see a lithe body leaning against it, blonde hair poking out of an oversized black beanie.<p>

_Fuck an asshole!_

I slow my pace to geriatric. What the hell am I supposed to do? What would you do? What would Gucci do? I think now is the perfect time for a divine intervention. Can I get a lightning bolt or a burning bush, please? Pretty please? With sugar on top?

Not happening. Ok, so what are my options? A) I can stop walking, about face, and head back to the confines of my trailer and stay the night in there. B) I can do A, but call Chris or Jenna to pick me up eventually. 3) I can grow a uterus, walk up to my car, and go home to my bathtub and a bottle of wine.

What? 3, C, what's the difference! That's not important right now! Focus, people, I've got a decision to make. I suppose at the least I should take off my sunglasses because I'm not fooling anyone. I need to show her I'm not afraid of her. Looks like C it is.

Wait, what am I going to say? "Get the fuck off my car!" – No, that's not very adult. "Go away." – Sounds like I'm talking to a dog. "Excuse me." – Yeah, that's polite, but doesn't leave the door open for conversation. It implies, "Move I'd like to go home and not talk to you right now."

My legs are now moving at a leisurely pace – as if I was walking around my local farmers market, sunglasses on my head, and keys clutched for dear life. Progress, some may call that.

God she's beautiful, even if her face looks sallow. She looks the way I feel, and that makes me smile… just a bit. I shove my hands into my black pea coat as I approach her.

"Excuse me," I say staring her straight in the eyes.

**Score: Lea 1 – AB 0**

"Sorry, by all means," she responds subordinately staring at her shoes or something. "Did you get my poem?" she adds before she's ever moved.

**Score: Lea 1 – AB 1**

"Look, I just want to go home right now, ok?"

She looks dejected, and suddenly winning doesn't feel so good.

**Score: Lea 0 – AB 0**

"Yeah. Ok. Sorry to bother you. I just wanted to talk, you know? And I guess… I figured that this may be my only chance and I've fucked things up so royally that I can't let any opportunities go by because that means I'm not putting in everything I have to try to rectify the damage I've caused," she said without delay. Her voice was breaking, and my heart was in my stomach.

**Score: Lea 0 – AB 76284309**

"I'm sorry, Di, but I can't. Not now. It's too soon."

A large salty tear broke free from her right eye.

**Score: Lea 16789 – AB 0**

"Mmhm. Yup. Got it," she squeaked out between poorly hidden sobs. She pawed at her eyes, taking off for her own car across the way.

"I got your note. Just thought you should know," I called out to her back.

She turned on her heels and looked up teary and hopeful.

I caught her gaze, and in that quick moment, we didn't have to say anything. We never have.

**Score: Lea 1 – Di 1**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>I drive home on auto pilot. Surprise surprise. It's not until I've completed my nightly routine that I realize my phone has been on silent since I left the studio.

**Dad Jon - 12:14 am**

**Did you make home without AB interference?**

**Dad Jon - 12:23 am**

**Lea? You there? Did she kidnap you? Do I need to rescue you?**

**Dad Jon - 12:52 am**

**Seriously? Are you ok? Are you asleep? You are, aren't you. Bitch, you could have at least sent me a goodnight text. **

**Dad Joh - 12:55 am**

**Text me in the morning and tell me everything.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:07 am**

**I hope you liked my poem... and you looked beautiful today. I don't say it enough.**

**Lea - 1:08 am**

**I did and thank you :)**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:08 am**

**Any time.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:11 am**

**Good night and sweet dreams. xoox**

**Lea - 1:14 am**

**Tell Arthur g'nyte for me.**

****_What am I doing?_


	14. Chapter 14 Text Me

**A/N: So this is a really short chapter - call it a snippet, but it's my birthday today! So, I thought i'd give you guys and gals a little present, too :) Next chapter should be posted in less than 2 weeks. As always, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>I'm thinking myself into a hole. Over-thinking and over-processing. Here are some things I've figured out whilst deep in thought:<p>

1) I loved a beautiful woman.

2) She broke my heart when she walked away.

3) She walked away because...

I haven't really figured out that last one. I've taken pen to paper hoping that if I were to write it out or create some kind of diagram or timeline, things would make more sense. If I could only put our relationship – all the moments that created it – into small boxes, then maybe it'd be easier to do a little Spring cleaning and have someone haul them away.

Let's see. Things changed between them and they were no longer acting, which means her BGB became her BGB-turned-Quasi-BF while she in actuality had a _bona fide _GF. Then she kind of become incommunicado towards me, and she then had a for-all-intents-and-purposes-BF and I was...

Ok, let's try again. I'll try to make it more of a math problem. "Ew, why? Because it's the same in every country."

Seriously, you need to find more opportunities to quote that movie in your everyday life. Just be glad you don't have mine.

Lea + Dianna = Stupidly Happy GFs

Lea (Theo) + Dianna = Happy GFs + BGB

Lea (Theo) + Dianna (Alex) = GFs + BGB2

[Lea (Theo) + Dianna (Alex)] x 6 months = (AB + Alex) - Lea (Theo)

(AB/Alex) - Lea = AB - Lea

AB - Lea = Depressed Co-Workers

Q.E.D.

That's not how this problem was supposed to work out. I may not be a mathematician, nor have I ever played one, but it seems to me that if I just turned the last minus into a plus, then we'd be happy again. Did I do the math right? Can you check my work?

Maybe I need a tutor.

_Fuck_. I've never been good at math. This'll have to wait. At least I have a night of wonderful distractions ahead of me. Thank God for award season.

* * *

><p>We may or may not be jamming out to some Kelly Clarkson in the limo on our way to the show. I love that Theo likes to rock out to some of the same stuff I do. He may have the "rocker" moves down, but my Kelly vocals are much better. We're pantomiming to <em>Addicted<em> and while we're having a big fit of giggles, compounded with his Liza jazz hands, the lyrics also hit close to home.

_It's like I can't think/ Without you interrupting me / In my thoughts/ In my dreams/ You've taken over me/ It's like I'm not me x 2_

"Okay okay okay, no more!" He declares fixing his hair. "You look smokin' hot and we need to make sure that those loose just-had-sex-locks of yours don't look like you just woke up from said sex marathon," he says as he primps my hair slightly.

"Were you a hair dresser in a past life?" I ask flirtingly.

"_Tsk_. I know right. No, I've just picked up some tricks here and there especially considering we have to do a lot of head banging. The guys need lots of touch ups and I'm simply observant," he explains while expertly curling a lock back into place. "Plus, I can't have my girlfriend looking anything less than spectacular on the red carpet."

"Shut up! Is that all you care about? Your image? I hate you!"

"I'm just kidding, sweetie. Uncle uncle uncle!" He said raising his hands to block the oncoming assault. "Besides, not gonna lie, in this dress... I'd even do you. You've got more legs than a bucket of chicken! You're practically sex on a stick," he said with a stage wink.

"You think? That's kind of what I was going for. Who knows, maybe I'll bump into Zac Efron on my way to the ladies room. A girl can wish."

"Shut up! If you bump into him, give him my number!"

"No way! I'm not sharing. First come first serve."

"Game on," he said challengingly.

The limo finally comes to a stop and it's our turn to grace the paparazzi with our presence. Theo gets out first and holds the door open for me with an expectant guiding hand awaiting my grasp.

"Did I mention you're one of my favorites?" I ask him as I put on my show smile and give him an adoring look. _It's showtime._

* * *

><p><strong>Anonymous Blonde - 8:22 pm <strong>**You're stunning tonight. Best of luck presenting. I know you'll knock it out of the park.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 10:35 pm ****I think you were made for this.**

**Lea - 11:17 pm ****Thank you. You're not so bad urself. **

**Anonymous Blonde - 11:20 pm ****Will I be seeing you at any after parties?**

**Lea - 11:21 pm ****Maybe. Enjoy urself, though.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 11:25 pm ****You, too.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 11:27 pm ****Make sure Theo takes care of you tonight.**

**Lea - 11:30 pm ****He always does.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 11:31 pm ****Good or else I'd hire someone to do it. We can't have the next biggest thing being treated any less than royalty.**

**Lea - 12:02 am ****No we can't. And Theo says don't worry bout it. O! I ALSO MET BARBRA! She's sooooo nice! and she snells pretty 2. Kill me NOW!**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:03 am ****What? That's amazing! But I won't kill you. I'd miss you to much :(**

**Lea - 12:11 am ****I didn tmen it litterly. There are so many BIG ppl here! I'm so exited!**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:15 am ****I've met some cool people 2! And r u drunk? I thought Theo was taking care of you?**

**Lea - 12:23 am ****Maaaaaybe. I don't need a babysitr. He's somewhere arou nd hr.**

**Lea - 12:24 am ****I wish my lil lamb ws here. She maks everything butter!.!**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:27 am ****Ur little lamb wishes she could be wth you 2. I can come find you if you want.**

**Lea - 12:32 am ****No can do!**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:32 am ****:'(**

**Lea - 12:35 am ****Sry, but i like knwing that ur thinking of me.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:37am ****I'm always thinking about you.**

**Lea - 12:42 am ****I'm thinking about where I put my drnk!**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:43 am **… **is that all ur thinking about?**

**Lea - 12:50 am ****No...**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:51 am ****Are u thinking about that time u nearly ripped my dress in the bathroom stall after the GG? U were so hot that night.**

**Lea - 12:52 am ****I am now :)**

**Anonymous Blonde - 12:53 am ****U sure u don't want me to come get you?**

**Lea - 1:03 am ****There are sooo many things I want. Doesn't meen theyr all good for me.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:06 am ****You're always good for me.**

**Lea - 1:07am ****Was I?**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:07 am ****Yes.**

**Lea - 1:15 am ****My bed is so close now.**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:16 am ****Is that an invitation?**

**Lea - 1:30 am ****Just wanted to give u something to think about. :( I even got a wax today... 2 bad no 1 will get 2 see it. And u KNOW what those do 2 me ;)**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:31 am ****I can be there in 8 minutes.**

**Lea - 1:33 am ****I'll be done by then. G'night and sweet dreams :)**

**Anonymous Blonde - 1:34 am ****Can I at least listen?**


	15. Chapter 15 Dance Dance

**Late February 2011**

I don't know what I find more ridiculous: the fact that I have the balls to come over to her trailer unannounced or the fact that it sounds like there's an *NSYNC concert happening inside. I want nothing more than to bust in and catch her in the act, but I also kinda just want to listen. This is too good to pass up. And no – I don't care if this makes me a voyeur, so don't look at me like that. Since when is that necessarily a bad thing?

_**Tell me tell me baby. How come you don't wanna love me? Don't you know that I can't breathe without you? Tell me tell me just how. What am I supposed to do right now? Why can't you love me? Why-y tell me my baby?**_

_**Now from the moment we met I thought that I was all set. How could I be so wrong? Now I'm hearing that you're seeing someone new, and I wanna know who, but does he love you like I do my baby-ee-ee?**_

"Wait wait wait, this one!" shouts an excited voice. That has to be Naya. Suddenly the music changes and begins in the middle of another song.

_**Every little thing I do never seems enough for you. You don't wanna lose it again, but I'm not like them. Baby when you finally get to love somebody, guess what? It's gonna be me!**_

I can't help but chuckle at their emphatic "ME!" at the end before the song changes again. Several crewmembers have passed by the trailer looking confusedly at me standing on the steps with my hand on the door handle. Whatever, fuck 'em.

I feel like a zoologist in the wild observing an exotic species in its natural habitat. It's like watching a male Adelie penguin roll a rock to a potential mate and then watching them sneak off to get down and dirty.

"No, this one, this one." Dianna's voice this time, but it seems a bit off for the fun they're having.

_**There's a thousand words that I could say, to make you come home. Yeah. Seems so long ago you walked a-way and left me alone. And I remember what you said to me, you were acting so strange. Mmm. And maybe I was to blind to see that you needed a change. Was it something I said to make you turn away to make you walk out…**_

"NO! NO! NO! Stop it! Stop doing this to yourself, Di. Not right now, ok? We're having fun, damnit!" Naya chastises. Suddenly being a voyeur feels dirty and my hand drops from the handle. I look around suddenly, looking like a meekcat I'm sure, to check to see if anyone else witnessed or heard the sad scene I just did.

Nope. Just me.

"Come on, let's try this one," Naya suggests attempting to sound hopeful.

_**Baby baby we can do all that you want we get nasty nasty we get freaky-deaky. Uh uh uh. Baby baby we can do more than just talk cuz I can hear ya hear ya and I can see ya see ya. Uh uh. Baby baby we can do all that we want we get nasty nasty we get freaky-deaky freaky-deaky!**_

This has both Di and I laughing and _shit!_ I just gave myself away. Fuck. _Run away!_ But, no such luck because before I can take a step down, I see the doorknob turn in front of my face.

I've been caught red-handed!

Dianna looked down at me surprised, expectant, and what is that – fear? What does she have to be scared of?

"Lea," she says out of breath. "What are you doing here?"

Oh shit. I probably should have had some kind of prepared explanation. _Oh you know, I haven't seen you in a while and I thought maybe we could go to dinner and maybe make out and blame it on the alcohol or something._

I mean, _Oh you know, I was just going to my trailer and thought I heard a dance party going on._

That one! Let's go with that one.

"I was just on my way to my trailer for a nap when I thought I heard a dance party going on. Is this by invite only or can I come in, too?" I finish with a pout for emphasis. _Ha! Resist. this. face. I dare you._

"What?" She says confused again. Her eyes are scanning my face processing my explanation. _Fuck did that have any holes? I was speaking in English, right?_

"So, you were tired and you were going to take a nap, but now you want to dance?"

_Shit._

"Yeah… you know me… I'm weird like that. Just get a little *NSYNC in me and it's like liquid crack." _That sounded as lame as it felt coming out. Damn. Stop asking questions and just go with it!_

"Oh, yeah," she laughed nervously as if she actually remembered my little white lie. _Damn, I'm good._

"Well," she continued gracefully, "this is a private function, but I can always make room for you, you know that," she ended with a wink, opening the door to her trailer fully.

It wasn't until I passed the threshold, sliding just barely between her body and the door, that I realized how fucking hot she looked. Her hair was mussed from dancing, her cheeks flushed, as well. And, wait, is she wearing a Cheerios uniform? Why? We're not taping any scenes that call for that. Oh. Muh. Gawd.

"Hey, Lea," Naya said from behind me, snapping me out from my obvious ogling.

"Naya, hey, how's it going? Are you the DJ for this party?" I ask nervously, having just been caught eating Dianna with my eyes.

"Something like that," she said back with a smile. "Any requests?"

"Gimme a beat!" I yelled back.

"You got it," she said with her patented Santana smirk.

_**Sitting in the movie show thinking nasty thoughts-uh! Better be a gentleman or you turn me off-uh! Huh! That's right lemme tell it. Nasty, nasty boys don't mean a thing. Oh you nasty boys.**_

"Woah-ho! Let's listen to another one," Dianna blurted out suddenly, her cheeks more flushed than before.

Naya made some weird noise in her throat that sounded like she was choking on something. "Oh right! You know what, I actually have to go. I just remembered that Zach wanted to see more for a– a _thing_ at 2:30, so I should really get going."

"But it's only five till 2," I informed her, "You should stay for a bit more." What kind of thing did she have to go to. She's a great dancer and I couldn't think of anything complex that she might need some extra help on.

"Oh, no, I- I- I can't. I also told Heather I'd stop in and bring her a sandwich or something. Yeah, you know her and food. Ok. Well, I should get going then and see Zach. AND get a sandwich. Right, sandwich and Zach," she finished ticking off her to-do list with her index and middle fingers.

"It was fun. You guys have fun!" She finished as she sprinted out the door without her phone. Like a flash, her raven her was in and out of the trailer picking up her cell phone. "Can't forget this," she said as she made another hasty exit.

"Well that was weird," I said. I honestly don't know what just happened. Maybe she's still a little upset from the bitchy things I said about her and Heather a few weeks ago on the phone, but I thought we were passed that. I hope I didn't make her feel awkward. _Damn, I need to learn to be a better friend. It's not my fault I was an only child growing up on Broadway._

Seriously? Did I really just think that? Barf!

"Oh, well she's been kind of weird lately. Who knows," Dianna offered in response.

"Well, I came here for a dance party! So come on DJ play that song!"

"Yes ma'am!" she said with that gorgeous smile of hers – that mouth tho. "You know for a sleepy person, you have a lot of energy."

I forced myself to stop staring at her delicious lips. "Liquid crack," I deadpan, earning a laugh.

"Right," she says unbelievingly. _I think she might be onto me_.

"Here's an oldie, but a goodie," she says with a sexy smile and a piercing stare.

Good God, if looks could undress, I'd be naked as the day I was born. Maybe – maybe she has X-Ray vision. Seriously, what if? Is that a real thing?

_**Our friends think we're opposites, falling in and out of love. They all said we'd never last, still we manage to stay together. There's no easy explanation for it, but whenever there's a problem we always work it out somehow. Work it out some how. **_

_**They said it wouldn't last; we had to prove them wrong 'cause I've learned in the past that love will never do without you.**_

Somewhere in her singing to me, she stepped unbelievably close and we're now face-to-face. The fact that she's not touching me is setting my senses all a buzz. I think my face may literally be on fire. Why does she have to smell so good and be so damn hot?

No no no, this is all happening too fast. Quickly, with the grace of a hippo, I move away from her strong magnetic field and turn to the iPod.

"A– actually, I was – I was thinking more, something like this one," I say trying to catch my breath. What the fuck is she doing to me and why did I volunteer to be in a closed space with her? _Idiot_. Or right, because she wasn't alone before, but then Naya left…. _that sneaky little bitch!_

_**I didn't really know not to let all my feelings show, to save some for later so our love can be greater. You said you would always love me. Remember, I said the same thing to you don't have to be frightened with my love, because I'll never give up on you. Let's wait awhile. Ah well before it's too late, you know you can't rush love.**_

Damn, that wasn't really a better choice and now… now we're slow dancing. My body won't let me pull away, or maybe it's her body that won't. It's that damn magnetic field, I tell you. I can feel her hands on my waist, keeping it PG. In all honesty, I want them all over me, inside and out. The song my body wants to be playing is _My Neck, My Back _by Khia.

At this point, I'm surprised I haven't orgasmed off of being this close to her as my fingers betray me, playing with the light blonde hairs at the nape of her neck.

As if reading my mind, she pulls away and changes the song. "Waiting awhile works for some people," she says dripping with desire.

She changed the song to something more up beat, and after hearing the guitars, I know I'm dead.

She's approaching me like a hungry lioness hunting its prey. A very _very_ _sexy_ lioness. Her sexy lion paws are on my hips instantly, her lips inches from mine singing the lyrics into my mouth. Here eyes staring directly into mine.

_**Sittin' over here starin' in your face with a lust in my eyes sure I don't give a damn and ya don't know that I've been dreamin' of you in my fantasy. Never once you looked at me don't even realize that I'm wantin' you to fulfill my needs. Think what you want let your mind free run free to a place no one dares to.**_

Oh I see her lust alright and I know I'm mirroring it right back. So what if I let her lower me to the couch? _YOU _try to resist a lusting Dianna Agron. Go on, I dare you.

_**How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you. I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways. **_

Her delicious hands are snaking up and down my stomach, raking her fingernails over my skin, and causing delicious goosebumps. My skin's hot, I know it is.

_**I've gotten there so many time I wonder how 'bout you. **_

As she presses her bare thigh firmly against my core, she licks her lips oh-so temptingly. _God bless the perv that invented these._ She felt my wetness.

_**Day and night, night and day. All I've got to say is:**_

_**If I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to.**_

She's not going to take a kiss from me, she's going to make me beg for it, so that she can't say I didn't want it. That's smart, so smart. She'd kiss my cheek, moving closer and closer to my mouth, her hands never ceasing their ministrations inching closer and closer to my heaving chest.

But then I see it. A small promotional post card thingy for IANF and all of the memories come flooding back to me.

"Stop!" I say too loudly, pushing her off me. "Just stop!"

I rush to smooth out my skirt, scooting out from under her and standing up in front of the couch. She's awkwardly half-sitting half-leaning on the couch just as I left her.

"What are we doing, Di? What is this? Things like this, they – they just can't happen anymore."

"What do you mean 'what are we doing,' Lea? Isn't that obvious by now?"

"What?" She caught me off guard with the anger in her voice. Aren't I the one that should be mad? "We were dancing and then…"

"That's not what I mean and you _know _it," she said bitingly. "You wanna know what we're doing? Fine, I'll tell you."

Her jaw flexed with anger. She pursed her lips and licked them quickly.

"We're playing. We're dancing. We're avoiding talking about anything because you don't _want_ to talk about it. Well I'm fucking _done_ dancing around the subject. I don't know how you do it! I'm sorry, but I can't suppress my feelings like that. I wasn't raised that way."

Ouch.

"And you think I _was_? Are you fucking kidding me, right now! You've met my family!" _Keep your cool. Count to three. 1 – 2 – 3. _

"You know why I can't talk about it with you? Because every time I remember that night, I just want to gouge my eyes out because I _hate_, no _loathe_, remembering you telling me you were sorry and walking away. You couldn't even fucking _lie _to me or _fight for US!_ I don't know who that was, but she wasn't my girlfriend and now this new person, this, this," I gesture at her with an open palm, "_this_ is all I see now. A stranger that only looks like her on the outside. This person that occasionally tricks me into thinking that my old girlfriend is in there somewhere. Who the _fuck_ are you anymore?"

If I wasn't so angry, I might have noticed the tears running down her face. I would have seen the broken look in her eyes. Despair. Anger. Utter fucking sadness. But I didn't. I was only thinking about myself.

"Get out."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Songs used: **

NSYNC: _Tell me, tell me... baby; It's gonna be me; Gone; Digital get down_

Janet Jackson: _Nasty boys; Love will never do (without you); Let's wait awhile; If_


	16. Chapter 16 Dregs

**A/N: I couldn't hold out on y'all. I just had to post this. This is the longest chapter yet!**

* * *

><p>"Stop pushing me!"<p>

"WHAT PART OF '_GET OUT_' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Get. The. Fuck. Out!"

"Oh! So when _you_ hear something you don't like it's 'Get out, Lea' but when you're breaking _my_ heart it's 'Go fuck yourself, Lea?' Sorry, but that's not fair. Life doesn't that work that way. So man up, Agron! Doesn't feel good, does it?"

Her mouth open and shut like a fish out of water. Just the reaction I was hoping for.

"Who am _I_? Who are _you_? At least when I made the biggest mistake of my life, I wasn't trying to purposefully hurt you. But you - you want nothing more than to destroy me and rip my heart out with your bare hands. Well, are you happy now? Does this make you _feel_ better? You fucking win, Lea and I give up."

She looked at me with blank eyes, shaking her head sadly with tears and mascara running down her cheeks. She wiped them away roughly with the back of her hand.

"And to think – you were the one who said you'd rather die than cause me pain. Looks like I wasn't the only one telling a few white lies. Fuck this."

I was dumbfounded. I _am_ an asshole. She was right, who had I become? I didn't know what to say because my own sobs we're caught in my throat. I raised my trembling hand to cover my quivering mouth as she grabbed her purse and started toward the door past me.

Fight or flight? Simple as that.

I may not have had any words, but my body still worked and it looks like we were going to fight today. My tear-covered hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, effectively stopping her in her tracks.

"Wait. Please, don't, Di."

You could have heard a pin drop. She could have been one of those guards at Buckingham Palace. The only sounds and movements in the room were my erratic heart palpitations. Either my chest was about to explode all over her trailer or I was about to pass out.

Guess it was the latter.

* * *

><p>"Really, I'm ok, mom. I think it was just a combination of stress and the long hours. I'll eat a bigger lunch next time. Please don't worry about me. I got checked out by the staff doctor and he recommended rest."<p>

"Gosh, I just don't know what would have happened if Dianna hadn't been there. You could have been unconscious in that trailer for hours. And with the heat, no less!"

"I was standing there one minute and the next thing I knew, I was lying on her couch with a cool wet rag over my forehead and the smell of smelling salts stinging my nostrils. She took care of me just fine."

"She called me straight away, you know? She was so worried about you. She was crying, the poor thing."

_I didn't know that. Even after all of the hurtful things I said to her, she still cared. Or maybe she was still crying from earlier._

"But, what were you doing in her trailer, Lea," my mother asked out of curiosity, a hint of hope in her tone.

"It's - it's complicated. Really I'd rather just lie down and get some rest." Sure I was skirting the question, but I didn't really even have an answer for myself, let alone the mother-proofed version.

My mother let out an exasperated sigh. "Ok, you're off the hook for now, but I want to hear about this eventually."

"Sure, Mom. Thanks."

"I'm just glad my baby's ok. Now get some rest and call me tomorrow. I love you. "

"Ok, Ma. Love you."

I let out the stale air from my lungs I didn't even know I was holding. What the hell is wrong with me?

"How are you feeling?" came a worried voice from out of the kitchen.

"Like shit."

There was an awkward silence.

"You don't have to stay, you know? I said some really horrible things to you, so if you want to leave I completely -"

"No. I want to stay. I want to be here. Someone has to take care of you, after all."

"But how? I just treated you like shit, Di. Don't you want to slap me or something?"

"I snuck one in while you were out," she said with all seriousness. "What? I was trying to wake you up!"

I look at her incredulously. Even when she's mad, she doesn't have an evil bone in her body.

"Hey, don't laugh at me, that's not fair!"

"So that explains the soreness," I say as I rub my left jaw. "Did it feel good at least?"

"No, I wish! I was too worried that you had given yourself a heart attack or something. The last thing I need in my press is 'Glee star found dead in co-star's trailer.' Could you imagine?" she said good-naturedly.

"Heaven forbid. 'Don't hire that girl. Her last co-star died in her trailer and she was the only one there. They suspected foul play but could never quite pin it on her,'" I go along with her taunt. "That's a little melodramatic even for me, don't you think? Besides, you know I'm in tip-top condition. I'm healthier than a horse!" I reassure.

"Maybe, but seriously, though - I was so worried about you, Lea. Don't you ever do that to me again! You can tell me to go fuck myself or that you hate me, but I'd rather know you're alive and hating me, than not knowing if you're alive at all."

I couldn't help but blush at her statement.

"There you go. Now you've got some color back in your cheeks," she said affectionately as she put a lock of hair behind my ear. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

I blushed more furiously. I'm sure I looked like a blanched potato and there she was, this beautiful angel sitting over me in my bed, telling me that I was the beautiful one.

"Oh please, I'm like half-dead right now and I'm sorry - about earlier. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was angry and scared. You know us Sarfati's, we're quick tempered and hard-headed. I - I wear my heart on my sleeve all too often and it just, I don't know you know, " I attempt to explain as my breathing becomes more labored.

"Shh shh shh. Lea, leave it for now. We can talk about this later, but for now, get some rest."

"Will you stay with me? Just for a little while?" I ask as I curl myself up into a tight ball, mummified in blankets.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you again."

* * *

><p>I've woken up to an empty bed and I instantly feel alone. Being alone is altogether a different thing than feeling alone, isn't it? But I reach out my arm to where she would have been on the bed, and to my surprise, it's still warm. She must have just gotten up, and now I truly feel alone. If only I had woken up 5 minutes ago, I might have been able to persuade her to stay and talk. But, I'm sure she was busy and had other things to do. It's not like she was obligated to stay and nurse me back to health or anything.<p>

I'm 24 years old for Christ's sake!

As I lie here feeling sorry for myself like a loser, I smell dragonwell green tea brewing and realize that she must be in the kitchen making me a pot. My heart can't contain itself as it swells with, I don't know, adoration, admiration, thanks – something – but definitely not love. Certainly not.

My rib cage is a little sore, probably from where Di's strong arms caught me when I fainted, but I pull myself up anyway, easily slip on my fuzzy slippers, and head toward the hallway. I can hear her talking to someone, but I don't hear a reply, so she must be on the phone. Intrigued, I watch. I watch her body move gracefully with her phone deftly held between her shoulder and ear about my kitchen as she reaches for two mugs and finds the perfect raw honey to compliment my cuppa.

But after some peeping, I actually catch bits of her soft mutterings. She's obviously trying not to wake me.

"I know, I know. But what _else_ was I supposed to do?"

Silence.

"No, she doesn't matter to me like _that_."

Silence.

"Well... no. I guess not. But I feel compelled to stay here. If I hadn't been the one – if she hadn't come in the first – if I hadn't let her in, then this wouldn't have happened. But it _did_, and now I'm here."

There's a long silence as the other person responds to her last statement, but all I can hear is the ringing in my ears. What was is it they used to say? Right for spite and left for love? Well the ringing is in both my ears, so that does me no good.

"Exactly," she says sounding relieved. "And that's why I love you."

"You _WHAT_?" I interject. There's no way in hell I'm hearing her talk shit about me and then hear her flirt with another person in my own goddamn house just after I fainted because of her! Nuh uh! Over my dead fucking body!

"Lea you're awake!" she said with a start. "Look, she's up. I have to go. I'll talk to you later, Chels."

"Chels? Chelsea? _Really_ Di? How long has that been going on?"

"What? What are you talking about? How long has _what_ been going on?"

"Oh don't play naive with me, missy! You just said you love her and that I don't matter to you like that."

"Ok, first of all, I think you need to sit down before you stress yourself out again. Second, you're out of your _mind_ if you think I have a thing for Chels. She's just a friend, Lea, and you know that. She has a boyfriend for crying out loud! And I tell everyone that I love them, because I love all my friends. If I didn't, then they probably wouldn't be my friends. Plus, don't go on assuming you know what I was talking about because you only heard half of the conversation," she said with a slight edge in her tone. "She was trying to give me perspective on this whole situation. I wasn't sure if I should be here, and she asked me if I would have done the same for Lex or Amber, and I mean, yeah I'd make sure they're ok, but then I'd leave. But for you, I'll stay and make sure you're ok. You know… in case you need something suddenly. So she said that I have my answer right in front of me, and she was right."

I sit down deflated because she's right. I'm overreacting and playing the jealous bitchy girlfriend role down to a tee.

"I'm sorry. It's just, I'm always assuming the worse with you now. I can't help it."

"Yeah, I can understand that," she says as she attempts to clear her throat to mask the crack of pain. "I made you some tea," she deflects, keeping her eyes trained on the teapot and licks her lips. "Your favorite for when your sick. I still remember."

"Thank you," I say as I reach out for my cup. Our fingers brush lightly and it's as if electricity passed between us. I know she felt it too because her eyes shot up to mine in the same instant.

"I don't know where to start, so can we just talk. Like, talk talk and listen and not jump to conclusions until the other is done?"

I nod my head. "I can't make any guarantees but I promise I'll try my best."

"That's all I ask."

I pour myself another cup of tea because I really have nothing else to do with my hands. Fuck. I can't even look her in the eye. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Lea look at me," she instructs. She knows my tells and she can sense I'm about two minutes from making some excuse and leaving. Yes – I know it's my own house, but maybe now's the perfect time to stock up on toilet paper and trash bags. I'm sure there's a sale somewhere.

"I don't know where to start," she hesitates, puffing out her cheeks.

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop," I say on autopilot as I hold her hand comfortingly and let it go just as naturally. Feeling her warmth has always been an instant pacifier.

"I know now that I'm gay."

Well that was an unexpected start.

"Ok. Well, considering _this_," I motion between us, "you're definitely not 100% straight."

That made her laugh. So far so good.

"Was it that obvious?" she teases back. "No, what I mean is, I'm not just Leasexual or bisexual, but that I like girls – women, really – and only women."

I nod along with her statement trying to understand her measured speech. "So, you're a lesbian," I conclude for her.

"Yes," she says shortly. "God it feels so good to say it out loud. I'm a lesbian and I've got a big _lesbian_ crush on you!"

I laugh at her reference and smile toward her genuinely, firmly grasping her hand, braiding our fingers together. "Well, great. I totally know the feeling. It's kind of terrifying and liberating at the same time. What made you realize all of this?"

"Well, I guess that's just the beginning of the story. Growing up in San Francisco, being gay was never a weird concept, it was just never one I considered for myself. It took me a while to catch up to the rest of my friends when it came to having any sort of romantic thoughts about anyone, but even once I had, I thought it was normal to admire your friends in not so friendly ways. Basically - sexuality was never a big deal to me. Yes, I had my fair share of girl kisses be it for a dare, because of a few too many drinks, or just the hell of it, but once you came into the picture, things changed. I had always been super close to my girlfriends... maybe it was because it was only Jason and I growing up. But, with you - with you, it was always more than that right from the start," she licked her lips contemplatively.

"I wanted - no - needed to know you in more than a platonic sense. You set my soul on fire. There was something that you had and I wanted it, at least to be able to have a drink of it. It was as if I had half a glimpse of what it was like to find your soul mate and I couldn't get enough. And quite honestly, feelings like that, feelings that are so strong when really you've just met a person, a person, who nonetheless is a perfect stranger and young Broadway royalty, that can draw you in like a moth to a flame, are literally terrifying. I - I didn't know what to do. And what was both a blessing and a curse, we became roommates!"

I nod my head to encourage her to go on.

"And then we, we sort of hit it off and started sleeping together and getting closer. I didn't want it to stop. I couldn't let it stop. I needed you. And then, then things started getting serious and heavy words started getting used."

She paused. Her hazel eyes racing in attempt to keep up with her story.

"Things stared hitting the media and our PR people had to stop rumors. I had no idea we were being so obvious. I really had no idea. But we decided to trudge through and make some adjustments. And that would have been fine, but I Am Number Four began and suddenly Lena was not your biggest fan. She told me -"

Tears began to fall from her face as her hand quickly covered her nose.

"Lena would tell me little things daily that at first weren't a big deal, but then they started to chip away at my resolve, at my certainty in us. Things like statistics of actors' careers once they came out. Statistics of Hollywood relationships and their longevity. How sponsors wouldn't want some gay nobody. How even people like Angelina Jolie recanted on their sexuality. She would tell me, 'Lea's voice alone will take her far, but you've only got your face and nobody wants a lesbian to sell their products or to be a romantic lead. They jut won't buy it.' I argued. I said - I said, 'What about Amber Heard? She's a beautiful woman with big movies coming up, the new face of Guess, **and** she was honored by GLAAD. So it's possible to do both.'"

'_Yeah! What about Amber?_' I thought to myself as Di took a deep breath and blew her nose into a white handkerchief. I squeezed her hand for extra support because talking about this isn't easy. Coming to terms with your sexuality is hard; coming to terms with your sexuality as an up and coming actor in Hollywood is like being told how you're going to die and then told to live your life normally - hard to swallow, harder to ignore, impossible not to keep an eye over your shoulder at every waking moment. That, and only Dianna can be cute blowing her nose. Seriously, who does that? She's crying and she still looks interview ready.

"Well, she told me 'Amber is an anomaly and honestly she lost a lot of prospects. She's lucky that Guess is so... _tolerant_, but most companies aren't. And Dianna, there can only be one Amber Heard. Hollywood's quota for beautiful blonde _lezzies_ is full,'" she said with a high pitched bitchy voice, mimicking that stupid bitch's whirring.

"And so eventually, I started buying into her prevarications. This woman had my career in her hands. She even showed me your average dating lifespan. She had done her homework. Basically, she had laid it all out and I had connected the dots - I was another notch in Lea Michele's belt and I wasn't gay, not if I wanted another job."

Was I just slapped in the face? What kind of evil person feeds these lies to someone so innocent and pure? To their client, no less. That stupid bitch. And who still says "lezzies" for fuck's sake?

"She's horrible, Di. No one should ever talk to you like that, or to anyone for that matter. She sounds like a fucking conservative bitch masking her fucking prejudices and ignorance under a power suit and a bottle of peroxide. That close-minded asshole doesn't deserve to even clean your toilet!"

"I'm not proud of it, but I was scared, Lea. I knew I was proud of my gay friends, but to be gay myself – I mean, LA isn't San Francisco. I was scared of losing my job. Scared of never getting another job. Scared of being some stupid naive girl that would be completely heartbroken by you. But mostly, scared that maybe I was gay and what the hell did that mean for me."

Her breathing picked up pace as her eyes fixated on one spot.

"It's ok, Di. Keep going... when you're ready."

She gave me a lopsided smile before continuing.

"I was scared like never before. I won't say that that's a good excuse, but it's really the only one I have."

I lick my lips to give myself time to form a response.

"I hear that you were scared... and I can completely empathize with that, but I never pushed you nor forced you out of the closet. Not then and not now. So why Al- Number 4?"

"You _still_ can't say his name?" she asked through a laugh that quickly died.

I wasn't laughing.

"Right. I - I had bought into it. (1) Don't be gay and (2) you're only temporary to her. I thought it was only a matter of time before you left me. We had begun to argue more and our intimacy had decreased. I felt so stupid waiting for the ball to drop, like an ant under a magnifying glass. I didn't want to be pitied when you broke my heart and was the only one who hadn't seen it coming. And then Ale- _he_ was the kind of man I should want to be with. _He_ should have made me happy and as long as he was on my arm, then I'd have a job or at least options open to me. It was easy and I didn't have to go looking."

I don't know how to respond to her answer.

"The _easy_ thing to do? If we always did what was easy in life, Di, we'd all stay in kindergarten and sing fucking kumbayah. I mean really, what am I supposed to say to the "easy" defense?" I say with air quotes for added emphasis.

She sat there dumbly with wide eyes.

"I didn't say it was smart or brave. It was cowardly and stupid and the biggest mistake of my life."

She stared me in the eyes with great sincerity and reached for my hands. She held them together, clenching my fingers in hers, attempting to fuse our hands into one. The phrase 'holding onto dear life' coming to mind.

"I can't undo the things I've done or the things I've said, but I can try to explain them and pay repentance every moment there's breath in my body to the best of my abilities, if you let me. You see you – Lea – you, you were instrumental, crucial to my self-discovery. If it hadn't been for you, I would have never realized I was gay. But now suddenly I see. Everything makes sense. I wasn't lying when I told you that you made me feel like none of my other relationships didn't matter, because they didn't. Those boys were nice and great friends, but it never felt more than that. There was never that, je ne sais quoi... um... maybe... sparkle moment. God that sounds stupid. Let me try again," she stumbled over her words.

"Before you I had only ever seen my shadow, but then you loved me, cared for me, showed me what it was to be the real me, and you pulled me out of the cave. I was no longer surrounded by shadows, but by a whole new world. For the first time, I saw my true reflection. I saw me. I wasn't a shadow anymore and there you were standing beside me. And I can never be a shadow anymore, Lea, because I can't imagine being in a world where you're beautiful soul isn't on display for the world to see. It would be a crime against humanity to deprive this world of your amazingness. Of your heart. Of your talent," she finished. She searched my face for a reaction and continued on.

"What he and I had, if you can even call it that, was nothing. There was no relationship, at least not on my part. At Chris' I was still so confused that I may have made it seem that way, but emotionally and physically, I've always been yours. He was someone I could talk to, without really talking to them about anything of substance, and at a time when I was battling my own inner demons, that's what I needed. He was a scapegoat. And for a second, in a moment of complete misjudgment, I thought 'maybe I should test this? If I feel something, then maybe I'm not gay-gay,' but when we kissed, it was empty. It almost felt like I was kissing my brother, which made the realization all that much harder. I wish that all of this hadn't happened at your expense, that I could have gone through this phase in high school, but it didn't. I've always been a late bloomer."

_Fuck. I can totally relate. Who didn't do that in high school? I mean, sometimes, how else are you supposed to figure it out? But why couldn't she have talked to me about it? We could have gone through it together. _

_Did she say they never had a relationship? Fuck, fuck, fuck me! Fuck an asshole!_

"A thousand sorries will never be enough for the pain I've caused you, nor can I expect for you to take me back. But you needed to know the whole story. I never said goodbye, because I couldn't. I didn't fight for us because I thought I had already lost. I didn't go back to him. As I drove home from Chris' that night, I felt dead. Or worse, I wished I was. I told Alex that I couldn't see him anymore, I checked into a hotel, and I haven't seen or heard from him since."

I think I'm having an out of body experience. I can see myself watching Dianna talk, but I'm above it all. That's so much to take in. I don't know where to begin. This conversation is going to take some time to digest. And based on her reaction, it's written all over my face, the one down there. I'm sure I look as if I was just hit by a cold blue slushy. _Move that tongue in your mouth and say something!_

"Ehrm." Well that was useless.

"I ache for who we were, Lea. That night, you told me I was enough for and I was a coward and said nothing. I left you out on that plank to plummet all by yourself and I said nothing. Well you were enough for me; you always have been. You asked me what you were to me and begged me to say what I mean. I won't equivocate or hold my tongue anymore because what else have I to lose? The answer has never changed. You are the love of my life. I love you."


	17. Chapter 17 The Key

**Dianna's POV**

"I love you."

I used to say those eight letters to this woman everyday. Of course I always meant it, but I took her love for granted and tossed them around haphazardly. _One for you, four for you, and ten for you._

Now, in this moment right here, those words are life or death – well, at least – for my heart.

I've never been a good bluff. Did Lea tell you? I've been banned from Glee poker nights for some time now.

I just laid out all of my cards, my keys, my wallet, my purse, emptied my pockets, and lifted my sleeves. It's all out there for Lea to scrutinize and ultimately decide whether she wants to take a chance on this poor sap who was too scared to see that she found her key.

My mom, she's funny and one of the most inspirational persons I know. When I was little she used to tell me, "Your heart is like a locket. There's only one key out there that will open it, a special key, and you'll have to go through a sea of keys to find it." I would then ask, "Do you know what it looks like? Maybe then I could find it easier." She would laugh and ruffle my hair and tell me, "I don't know what it looks like because mommies get their own special keys." And then I'd pout and tell her that it was hopeless and that it'd probably take a _jillion_ years to find the right one, and then she'd laugh at the exaggerations of a seven year old, and reassure me that it wouldn't. Then, with a renewed spirit, I'd ask her to go through my _Where's Waldo_ books with me so that I could practice finding my special key.

But what she didn't mention was that you're not supposed to find your special key; it finds you.

Lea found me.

I'm standing in front of the love of my life, because when you take a chance like this, sitting isn't an option. My heart is in her hands and she's looking at me with few emotions. I'd like to say that they were happiness and love, but her face couldn't be further from those reactions. My eyes are frantically searching her face, darting back and forth, for some kind of unspoken explanation.

I went out on a limb and failed with flying colors. Head first. Into the brambles.

_What did I say? What didn't I say? _

She's looking at me solemnly, her brows furrowed.

Despair. That's what it is.

My stomach is in my throat. I've got to say something. _Say SOMETHING!_

"_Lea, please say something!_" I plead pathetically, anxiously.

Hot salty tears are about to gush out of my face, it's inevitable. And then I see it.

A tear.

Two tears.

And then they don't stop flowing.

"I'm sorry," she cries.

I don't know what she's sorry for, but I'll die if I don't hug her right now. I get down on my knees and clutch onto her for dear life. We're both crying and I can feel her sobs rack through her body as she strangles my shirt in her hands. I'm a mess. She's a mess. But love is messy.

"I'm sorry. So sorry," she keeps repeating in my ear. "So so sorry."

I keep rubbing her back in small circles, ecstatic to be touching her and smelling her again. My Lea. "It's ok. It's ok," I reassure.

But she pulls away from me to look me in the eyes. Her dull brown eyes swimming in hopelessness. Her head shaking left to right.

"No it's not. It's not okay, Di."

"What? Why not? You have nothing to apologize for. It was all my fault."

"But I do. I _do_ have something to apologize for."

"I don't understand," I say slowly. I feel an impending doom, like when you first see a cop hiding in the bushes after you've already passed him or you know that that particular Jenga block may send the whole thing tumbling down. _Times a million_.

She holds onto my hands tightly, leaving me no chance to escape. Not that I would dare.

"After Chris', I – I was a mess. I was depressed and I went home."

_Okay._

"And on my last day there, before I came back here, I was at my lowest."

_Is she trying to break my heart again?_ I give her a small hug because I can't bear to imagine her in that much pain.

"I left early. I told my mom I'd take a taxi to JFK. Instead, I called Jeremy and we met for a drink," she explains between sobs.

My ears perk at that name. I hold onto her hands because I won't let her go again. Not that easily.

"I was angry and sad. I wanted revenge. I wanted to feel something. Anything," she continues sounding as though she's suffocated.

_I don't know if I can hear this_.

"He knew. You don't just meet up with an ex after three years out of the blue before a flight to catch up on life," she says with irony.

"It's meeting the man of your dreams, then meeting his beautiful wife," I say with strain. My heart is breaking again, but for entirely different reasons.

She hesitates for a second. The tape over my heart is coming undone as her lips continue to move.

She clears her throat and begins again. "We were talking. Taking shots. And then I kissed him. We kissed," she pinches out as she covers her mouth over a particularly loud hiccupping sob.

My lips are trembling as my grip slackens. _This wasn't supposed to happen. No!_

"But I – I didn't feel anything but regret, remorse. I felt as if I had cheated on you. I felt dirty so I left. I spent an hour in a restroom stall at JFK using all of the hand sanitizer I could find to wash anything that touched him. The alcohol wasn't enough to sterilize my mouth." Her hands gripped onto mine, squeezing them for emphasis. "I hated that even though we weren't together anymore, you still had a hold on me. My heart was still yours. And I missed you and wanted nothing more than to cry and take a shower. I hoped that it was all a dream, a nightmare, and that eventually I would wake up to you in our bed," she pleaded. "But I haven't."

I look into her eyes and find honesty. That was the truth. No more half-truths. No more lies.

"Is that all?" I ask tentatively.

She nods her head emphatically, swallowing a sob. "Yes."

"You have nothing to feel sorry for. We weren't together and your heart had just been broken. It's completely understandable and you didn't owe me anything. You still don't. I broke your trust and I have to earn it back. I have to earn back your love. I'm the one who should be sorry. I drove you to it. If it hadn't been for me, then you wouldn't have ever felt that way to begin with."

"But I did it to hurt you!"

"And I did it in _spite_ that it would hurt you, when you were nothing but wonderful. You were innocent in all of this. I'm the guilty one."

We stare into each other's eyes. Hearts on the line. Both now on our knees in front of the other. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, you don't take it sitting down. You give yourself over to it on your hands an knees.

_Where do we go from here? Who makes the first move? What should I say?_

"So what now?" she asks equally as confused.

I smile at how synchronized our thoughts always seem to be.

"Let go."


	18. Lucky Number Three

**A/N: The end is near, yay! This fic kind of ran away with me, but I can't dedicate the time to it that you all rightfully deserve. So in order to preserve quality, I've decided to end it before the tour. It's been a great ride and I love you all's reactions/reviews.**

**There are only 2 chapters left. Thank you all for being a part of my first ever ff. Now without further ado, Chapter 18 - Lucky Number Three.**

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><p>Three dates. That's the consensus. The question? How long should I wait before I make a move (and not of the dancing variety)?<p>

I'm so excited because today is date number 3! Ever since the day she fainted, Lea and I agreed to let go of our past and start anew. Forgive and forget. We both realized that it wasn't for a lack of love or compatibility, though it rarely ever is, but that we had a lack of communication – _I_ had a lack of communication – made worse still by a fear of my sexuality (no thanks to that bitch that I fired), which made a recipe for a short-lived relationship. Basically, our timing was off, but that doesn't mean that we weren't fated.

The rush of a new relationship. Isn't it just the tops? Your heart races whenever you see that other person. You get nervous being around them. Your pulse quickens. All of the colors of the world are brighter, as if someone adjusted the slide on the color scale. Smells are sweeter, too. Suddenly, all of the love songs seem to have been written about her.

"Yeah well the thing is, what I really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen."

"Aaaaaat laaaaast my love has come along. My lonely days are over and life is like a song."

"Throw your clothes on the floor and blow out the candlelight 'cause tonight is just the night. We're gonna celebrate, mmm, all through the night."

"You and me between the sheets. It just doesn't get better than this."

"C'est elle pour moi, moi pour elle dans la vie. Elle me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la viiiiiiieeee."

"Imagine me and you, I do. I think about you day and night it's only right to think about the girl you love and hold her tight so happy together!"

"You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round round round."

"Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're beautiful. Making love with you is all I wanna do. Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true. And everything that I do is out of loving you. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la do do do do - aaaaaaaaahh!"

"Away in the manger no crib for a bed the little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head."

See? All of them! Ok... maybe that last one wasn't a love song, but Lea loves Christmas music! I think she would play the most beautiful Mary, don't you? Plus we've always wanted to visit Bethlehem.

Or maybe I haven't gotten my point across. They're ALL about her.

"I lean like a cholo side to side. Elbows up side to side." Oh my gosh you _have_ to see her do that! Too cute!

Today has to be perfect. Not because it might be our first second kiss, but because I want to prove to her that I want this, I want us, and I'll do anything to make her happy. Our first date to dinner was low key and low pressure. It went splendidly! I was on cloud 9 for the rest of the week and I think she was, too. Even Ryan commented about the obvious change in our dynamic. I think he said something along the lines of, "Well it's about time, just not in the trailers."

Our second date, which Lea planned, was too much fun and just what we needed. We rented some movies, she had cooked a vegetable lasagna, and we drank wine over board games all night. It was the perfect chance for us to get reacquainted with one another and it was almost reminiscent of when we first started living together. Oh, those were the days. We'd let Mean Girls run in the background and quote along with our favorites.

"That's why her hair's so big, it's full of secrets."

We attempted to play Scattergories, but that turned out to be nearly impossible.

_"Well I knew you were going to say Charlie for a boys name, so I picked Christopher instead. For Christopher Bond."_

_"Well I thought you'd say Charlie just to cancel me out, so I said Christopher instead. You know – Christopher Walken."_

_List 2 _

"_Famous females?" Eleanor Roosevelt."_

"_Eleanor Roosevelt."_

"_Medicine/drugs? Extra-Strength Excedrin."_

"_Excedrin Extra-Strength."_

"_Things made of metal? Earrings,"_

"_Earrings."_

"_Hobbies? Eating."_

"_Eating eggs! Double points!"_

_Blank stare._

"_What? Those are two different things. Your hobby is eating anything, mine is specifically eating eggs!"_

_Blank stare. "Have you _ever_ met a person that said, 'I like to eat eggs in my spare time,' I mean, _really_?"_

"_Whatever, I'm taking it. At least you get a point, too."_

So we quickly switched to Guesstures, but we both know each other so well that we were tied the entire game. Then we started to intentionally act poorly to change things up.

_"__**Oh my God you can't just stand there, Di**__! You're cheating! Uhhh, hula dancing? Rock wall climbing? A secretary? The Mona Lisa? A corpse? John Bellushi? FUCK! Give me something to go off of here! Tying your shoes? Sarah Jessica Parker? Wake boarding?"_

_"WHAT? I didn't even _do_ anything! How did you guess wake boarding? And really, there's no way SJP is going to be a clue on this game. It's too old!"_

Finally we settled on Thumb War, but really that was just a poor excuse to hold hands and tickle fight each other.

I guess we've never really been great at playing by the rules.

I'm standing in the foyer of a cute little bistro she picked out for lunch. We figured today's date could be a hybrid of sorts. She picked one event and I picked another. (The third one... well that's kind of a given if all goes according to plan.) I was trying to go for effortlessly cool sexyness, but I really have no idea how close I actually came to that. I went with a nice white patterned flowy skirt passed my knees, a form fitting coral sleeveless top with a scoop neckline, and an open denim button up shirt tied at the waist. All topped off with my favorite black Ray Bans and my hair loosely curled. With my luck, I'll look like a more expensive version of a cleaning lady, but I'm trying – at least I thought I looked good.

I glance down at my phone again to check the time. I'm 15 minutes early because Lea's usually 5 minutes late when she drives. I hope she notices my new black nail polish.

Suddenly I'm snapped out of my reverie of scrolling through pictures of us in my phone – _private_ pictures – when I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. She must be here. I turn to look at the door, and almost as if in a movie, she walks in with her hair flowing past her exposed bronze shoulders pulling off her sunglasses in slow-motion and smiling the most gorgeous smile in my direction. I almost turn around to confirm it's directed at me, but I've been the only person in the lobby for the past 5 minutes.

So slow-motion entrances _can_ happen in real life.

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><p><strong>Lea's POV<strong>

I'm so fucking nervous and I have no idea why. I eat with Di all the time. Maybe it's because it's our third date or maybe it's because I know I won't be able to keep my hands off her. In a really long time, my body, heart, and head all want the same thing. In that order.

I've been circling the restaurant for about 15 minutes now because I need to blow off some steam, but even Barbra and Celine can't help me right now. _I seriously hope someone doesn't think I'm casing the place and calls the cops. Fuck it. Let's park._

My hand reaches for the door of the restaurant, but some nice guy beat me to it and held it open for me. I gave him an appreciative smile and stepped inside, taking off my sunglasses to allow my eyes to adjust. The winds from the door funneled in slightly blowing Dianna's skirt up like the plastic bag in American Beauty. _I never understood that part._ I had seen her from outside through the white lattice exterior staring lovingly at her phone. I don't understand how someone can be so beautiful doing something so simple. Her eyes find mine and she looks like classic Hollywood. The smile on my face can't get any bigger as she stands up and walks toward me, grasps both of my hands, and leans in to kiss my cheek.

Swoon.

This woman is going to be the death of me.

She searches my eyes, her hazels swirling with bright greens and golds and says simply, "Hungry?"

She has no idea.

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><p><strong>Dianna's POV<strong>

With a little more than half of our food eaten – a polite amount, I'd say – we have both veered away from our food and our now consumed in conversation. Lea's talking animatedly about some upcoming interviews and things she'd like to audition for.

I'm listening, kind of, but I'm just bowled over by her – everything. Her mouth is just sooo, _mmm_! I'm sure I'm staring at it, but I can't help it. I'm staring at her with a smile, nodding appropriately, and raking over her face. Soaking it all up. _Today, I shall be a sponge. _I can't help but reach over and take her hand, rubbing the tattoo on her inner wrist with my thumb.

_If someone wants a picture, it'll look like I'm checking out her tattoo. That's legit, right?_

Her chestnut eyes quickly dart over to her wrist, initially alarmed or shocked by my touch, but they relax into it and smile, never once dropping our conversation.

I can feel her pulse quicken under my thumb and I can't help but widen my smile in appreciation… if that's even possible. I'm sure I look like those crazed people in that "Black Hole Sun" video by Soundgarden. _Remember them?_

I can actually see the buzz between us; I'm sure people can see it, too.

Her toffeenut soy latte arrives with an adorable heart adorned in the foam. A metaphor, Rachel would call it.

We're talking about the rest of our week when she dips her index finger into the middle of the heart and licks the foam off in a way that I can only describe as – omfgjfkdaioi293u8&Y&**#(YH!JNkfn!

_Did it just get really hot in here? We need to go._

"Check please!"

* * *

><p><strong>Lea's POV<strong>

"Can't a girl drink her coffee in peace?" I ask her, knowing the effect I'm having on her and loving every fucking second of it. If she thinks she's squirming now, she has no idea.

I mean, my tongue has always had a mind of its own. I was simply trying to taste the foam of my coffee. I'm always getting into trouble with my tongue.

_No! Not like that you perv!_ I mean on set.

With Ryan.

_God that doesn't sound right either._

Ryan and/or Ian are always yelling, "Tongue, Lea!" when it randomly decides to make itself known and laves its way over my lips. Sometimes it's like a wriggly worm and twists and turns, like the wringing of a towel. Sometimes it thinks it's my own natural lipgloss. Either way, it has a mind of its own.

I take my time sipping my latte so that I can visually undress her with my eyes behind this oversized mug. It's really a bowl with a handle and this espresso kind of tastes like burnt shit with toffee flavoring, but that's besides the point at the moment. Drinking this muck is just a means to keeping her here in my grasp for a few extra moments.

We've been eye sexing since I arrived and I must admit that this is _definitely_ my newest favorite sport. _That's a sport, right? If not, it should be one._ Her bright eyes are glued where my mouth would be if she could see it through the mug, waiting to see my lips emerge with her own juicy pink lips slightly parted and her hand resting naturally, sexily, beneath her right jaw.

_Fuck the coffee._

"You ready to go?" I ask her as I wield this cauldron of sludge to the table without spilling on myself.

_How effing cute!_ She actually shook her head like a cartoon character being snapped out of whatever fantasy she had playing in her head.

"What?" she asked embarrassingly. "Sorry, I was… a little distracted. Oh, wait. You got a little –" she points to her upper lip, "right there."

_Perfect._ I quirk up my right eyebrow and let my tongue do the talking, running it slowly over my upper lip from right to left, dragging it back in painfully slow. I follow it with my thumb, gathering any missed moisture, and suck it off with a pop.

"Mmmmmm, thanks. Are you ready, now?"

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><p><strong>Dianna's POV<strong>

_She just – _

_And then she –_

_Her tongue it –_

_And I can't –_

Am I ready? I'm ready for so many things.

"More than you know," I answer.

_Smooth. Real smooth._

That must have been a good answer because she squeezed my hand and smiled.

"Great! Can we drop off one of our cars on the way? There's no sense in taking two."

"Oh, no, Nay dropped me off. I thought the same thing."

"I love that we're always on the same brainwave."

_Did she just say love? Wait, Lea loves lots of things. Calm it down._

"I love that, too, but I think you're going to love this spa even more. It had great reviews and Chris swears by it. It's just off the coast and secluded."

_Which really reads, 'Super Romantic' but who's counting?_

She actually squeals with delight and claps her hands with flat palms. "I'm so excited. We could use a little R&R."

'_We?' I miss being a 'we.'_

We links arms as we walk out of the bistro. There are no paps in sight so I'm going to go with my gut and hold her hand instead.

_One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. _To my delight, she doesn't shrink back. On the contrary, she actually intertwines our fingers with just the right amount of pressure; they've always fit together perfectly.

"So what exactly do you have lined up for us at the spa, Miss Agron?" she asks as she unlocks the doors and slides into the driver's seat.

"I booked us for the complete couple's package. You know, hot stone massage, all organic facial, mud bath, and some other stuff."

"Couple's package?"

_Oh no!_

"Couple, as in more than one person. Friends. That's what the spa calls it, not me. I figured since we're two people and this is supposed to be a date then we should spend it together and if we got separate ones then that would kind of defeat the purpose." _That was an okay explanation, right?_

She smiled at me cutely, reached over the center console, and held my hand tenderly.

"That couple's package sounds great."

_Phew!_

"I can't wait to get naked and have that mud all over me!" she said with bright eyes.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see you- I mean. Err. I can't wait for the mud, either."

_Seriously?_

"Don't worry, I'll make sure to take my time getting in," she said back teasingly, squeezing my hand for extra measure. "I didn't get a wax for nothing."

_Dead. Time of death: 1:44 pm._

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><p><strong>Lea's POV<strong>

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be having this much fun teasing the girl, but she makes it so easy. Who knew she was so into wax?

Ok, ok. I wasn't playing fair, I know. I know that she knows what a new wax does to me, and I know that she knows that I know how much she enjoys how much I enjoy a new wax, too.

Did you catch all that?

Anyway, we're still holding hands and I have to admit, it makes my heart happy. She's always made my heart happy, but it's been so long since we've been this way. Happy.

She's such a smitten kitten, she doesn't care that I'm not the world's best driver or that I consider my GPS system this magical oracle that I follow blindly to my destination. So it's gotten me lost a few times, but that's my fault for putting in the wrong address or not checking the defaulted city.

And that's love, isn't it? Loving someone in spite of themselves. At least, that's part of it in my book.

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><p><strong>Dianna's POV<strong>

"Welcome to Suaka. Ms. Anastasia Beaverhausen? Your people made the all-inclusive couples reservation for today, is that correct?" The short polite Asian man asked me. Had I seen him on the street any other day, based on his dress alone - white linen pants with a drop crotch and a very loose hanging worn faded-red cotton tunic - I would never have guessed he owned one of the most upscale and exclusive spas in LA.

Lea was looking at me as if I had grown two heads.

"Yes, that's correct. For Jolene Pettigrew and myself."

He gave me a very knowing look and a wink.

"Please follow Mai passed the waterfall to the sanctuary."

"Thank you... I'm sorry I didn't quite catch your name," Lea said unsurely.

"Here at Suaka, we believe in minimalism. All unnecessary information need not pollute your mind nor disturb the sanctuary. I am called Santoso, but you may call me Bob."

Now I'm thoroughly confused.

"Thank you, Bob."

"Namaste."

Lea put her hands together in prayer position and bowed her head lightly repeating "Namaste," her yoga instincts taking over.

We begin to follow a short kind looking woman we can only assume is Mai, past the calming rock waterfall in the front main lobby. This woman couldn't hurt a fly and isn't probably more than 100 lbs. dripping wet.

"Anastasia Beaverhausen? What the heck kind of code name is that? And what did he mean by your people?" Lea asked under her breath attempting not to disturb the chi or the zen or the vibes or whatever.

"This is a spa for the 'stars.' You have to have your agent get you the reservation because they take their privacy very seriously. Seeing as how I have a new agent, she's willing to please. I had to drop my old alias after staying at The Roosevelt. Some people had figured it out, so I took a cue from the wisest source I know on staying on the down-low."

"Tom Cruise?" she asked seriously.

"What? Tom Cru- no! Karen Walker."

Lea smiled and stage whispered, "You're aware she's not a real person, right?"

"I sure am, _Jolene_. Like yours is any better."

"Well in my defense, I've only ever had to use it the one other time at that strip club."

"You can't talk about strip clubs in here. It ruins the good vibrations."

"As long as you're the one doing the vibrating, I'll tell you about the pole dancing classes I took in early January."

Mai turns around quickly furrowing her brow and places her index finger over her pursed lips before turning back around to open the sliding shoji screen to the first room.

Sorry, Mai. There goes my chi.

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><p><strong>Lea's POV<strong>

The massage was heavenly and made nearly orgasmic by the view I had of Dianna's breasts pushed below her, squeezing out of her side, taunting me, teasing me, begging me to knead them. So soft and round. Her little moans of satisfaction didn't help either, but I would give my left arm to be the one making her make those sounds right now.

I was thankful for the hot stones on my upper thighs for giving my nether regions a legitimate excuse for being so hot. The last thing I wanted was for the masseuse to think I was turned on by him.

Now we're on our final "treatment" or so they call it, the mud bath! The idea of being submerged in something like cold glue probably doesn't sound appealing to most, but the idea of not being able to move, feeling completely enveloped with just me and my thoughts turns me the fuck on.

We've been instructed on what to do and have been left alone in a small candlelit room with two mud baths next to each other. The music is the same ambient new agey bell tones and drones they've been playing throughout the sanctuary.

_Oh God, they've got me calling it that, too._

"So we get in, put the cucumbers on our eyes, and meditate?" Dianna asked as if to confirm our instruction, but really it's just so that she can keep her mind occupied on something other than seeing me naked.

She thought wrong.

"Yeah. Why don't you go first so I can help you in?" I offer.

"Um, ok"

She starts to untie her bathrobe and turns away from me, giving me her back.

_Although a nice view, nice try_.

I step up behind her and stop her hands. "Allow me," I breathe into her ear as I pull back her hair over her shoulder. I hook my fingers in the robe at her neck and slowly pull it back, raking them over her collar bones, as she shrugs her arms and steps out.

She's frozen with her back to me, tense.

"Loosen up. We just had a massage, there's no way you can be this tense. Not around me," I say as I pepper her back with chaste kisses.

She relaxes and whimpers with each kiss. I'm leaving goosebumps in my wake and my hands find her torso, coming to rest together just above her navel.

"I just – it's just…"

"Turn around."

She complies. Her eyes are hungry and full of lust. Her lips are swollen and ready to be devoured. Her cheeks are flushed and her nipples are hard.

I swallow hard because it's becoming nearly impossible to keep the upper hand here and not just throw her against the wall and fuck her senseless.

"It's just me and you, Di. Just the two of us, no need to be shy. We're trying here, _I'm _trying here. And so far, I think we've been doing great. I can see a future and… I want you to be in it."

I don't think I've seen her smile this wide in a long time. Her leonine eyes are now full of love.

"I want to be in it, too."

She picks up my hand and kisses each knuckle slowly, her eyelids fluttering with each one, and as she looks back up at me, I realize that that's it.

I'm done.

I'm hers.

Forever. There's no two ways about it.

But I came in here with a plan. Mission: TEASE – the Tantalizingly Erotic Authoritative Sex Expedition.

I clear my throat as I rest my hand on the small of her back. "I think you need to step in, now."

"Oh it's now as sticky as I thought and it's actually quite warm."

"Don't put your cucumbers on yet."

"Okay."

"You have to make sure I get in safely, too."

"Of course," she says as she completely submerges herself, leaving only her head above the mud.

I step back from her tub and untie my robe slowly, peeling one side flap open slowly from the top, and then the other, hanging around my shoulders like a shawl.

"I know we haven't seen each other like this in a while, so you need a refresher."

"I do," she says hoarsely.

I allow the robe to pool at my feet and step out of it daintily. I go to put up my hair in a messy bun, just like she likes, and I watch her rake over my body with her eyes.

"You remember this?" I ask her, motioning to my body. "I work out hard – yoga, pilates, running, spinning, kick boxing – so that I can make you wet. Has it been working?"

She nods her head up and down, her eyes glued at my crotch.

"You're wet right now, aren't you?"

She nods again.

"Use your words, Dianna."

"Yes."

"Good."

I walk over to my tub and lift one leg over the edge, giving her a clear view of my waxist's work, then the other.

"Oh my God," she says under her breath.

"That was the reaction I was hoping for."

"I want out of this tub so bad."

"We have 30 minutes. Now you can put your cucumbers on."

"I hate you right now," she whines as she puts the vegetables over her eyes.

"No you don't. You love me and you're going to love what I do to you later."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?"

"I'm going to fuck you senseless. You're not going to be able to walk right."

"Is that right," she husks out.

"Maybe, if you play your cards right."

"How am I doing so far?"

"You can never beat the house, dear."

"Well, what if I cheat?"

"Then you'll have to be punished."

"I would gladly be punished by you for the rest of my life if that means I can call you mine."

"_Now_ you're cheating."

"Let's go home so you can teach me a lesson."

"Ms. Agron, when did you become so submissive?"

"I'm just eager to please."

"I'll be the judge of that."

* * *

><p><strong>Dianna's POV - <strong>10 minutes later

"Thank you Mai, but we really have to be going now. We had a really great experience. Thank you again," I said as I was being dragged out of the door.

I never thought I'd be able to shower off mud and get dressed in less than 10 minutes, but when nature calls…

"The spa was great, babe. I'm so glad you suggested it."

'_Babe,' did you hear that?_

"Today's been perfect. I had a wonderful time at lunch, too… but I'm hungry again."

"Hungry again? Do you want me to stop somewhere?"

"No, Lea. I'm hungry for you. So if you don't get me to a bed in the next 20 minutes, I _will_ take you right here, right now, in this parking lot. Do you understand me?"

_Where that came from, I don't know._

"_Fuck_, I love it when you're bossy. You drive!" she said as she tossed me the keys.

I unlocked the doors and jumped in the car. There's no time for pleasantries.

"Drive, Agron," she commanded as she cupped my crotch through my skirt.

"_Shit!_ Not while I'm driving. We'll get in an accident."

"You don't get to call the shots here," she stated as she gripped me harder.

"Ughhh, ok ok."

"That's what I thought."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The next chapter will be NSFW.**


	19. Ask for Permission

**A/N: NSFW**

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><p>"We're home!" I say as I rip off my seatbelt and tore out of the car. I reach for my keys in my might-as-well-be-a-suitcase of a purse in hopes of opening the door ahead of my blonde goddess.<p>

I kind of feel like I'm in a scary movie. When you need to get into your house the most, a life or death situation, it's as if the entire universe – galaxy – is conspiring to make all of the keys look the same or the lock is suddenly sticking. My keys are jangling in my hands like a janitor with Parkinson's (don't judge me!) but I really need in this house now. What I _don't_ need, is a ticket for indecent exposure or public indecency for Pete's sake!

"Fucking door! Work with me here!"

"Hey," she says cooly, "we have all night. Here, let me."

And suddenly she's more than just this sexy perfect thing that I can't find the right words to describe, she's also a genie or a magician or maybe a locksmith of sorts.

Magick. That's what she is.

"Thanks," I say attempting to hide my ever-deepening blush as I push the door open and motion for her to step in.

But she hesitates. She's frozen on my doorsill.

"What? Are you a vampire now? Do I have to invite you in?"

"No, it's not that. It's just – this time is different. If I go in… if we do this… once I pass that threshold, this will be real. It'll be real and it'll have consequences. I will and am giving you my all. Everything. 110%. What I mean is, if this is only physical to you, then I won't go in, but if you want this – me – as your girlfriend, your partner, then I surrender myself to you… completely and unabashedly."

Oh my God.

"Lea?"

I can't help it. I'm half Italian and half Jewish. I'm from the Bronx for fuck's sake. We're emotional people! These tears of joy cannot be contained.

"Say something, please."

"That- that was so beautiful, Di," I whimper as I paw at my cheeks and wipe away these alligator tears. "This isn't just a fuck. You've never meant that to me."

I can't help but grab her hands and pull her close. One foot in, one foot out. We're literally and figuratively tiptoeing the line of love. Will someone give us a little push?

"I've never, ever, stopped loving you. Even when I hated you or what you did to me and how it made me feel, I still loved you. But I don't want you as my girlfriend."

She squeezes my hand and stops breathing.

"Because that's not enough for me. I want more. I want you, all of you. I need my other half again, my better more beautiful half... I hope she needs me too."

She clears her throat and crosses the threshold and in that little moment, some ordinary everyday run of the mill activity as easy as crossing a doorstep means so much more in this instant. We're taking a step into our future, as a couple, together.

Once inside she quickly turns to me and closes the door, her arm brushing just past my head. She keeps her hand pressed against the door, fencing me in on my left.

"Thank you," she sexed out, taking a step closer to me. _Is that a word?_

"What for?" _So that I know to do it again if that means you'll talk to me like that._

"For choosing us. For choosing me. For choosing love," she said hungrily, pushing her body against mine. Her hips have always been the most delicious mounting tools.

"I want to kiss you."

"So do it."

"But it has to be prefect. It's our second first kiss," I say as I tilt my head towards hers, our lips mere centimeters away. I can feel her warm breath ghosting over my lips, teasing them. My mouth is instantly watering. My tongue darts out to wet my lips for the impending onslaught as the back of my tongue grazes her bottom lip ever so slightly.

She lets out a soft, yet sultry whimper and my panties are officially destroyed.

"I missed you so much, Dianna."

"I'll never leave you again."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I didn't."

Her hands are in my hair, caressing my neck. Her breath is driving me wild. My body is hypersensitive. I'm on fire. I may just spontaneously combust or orgasm. God, that would be heavenly.

"I love you," I say nuzzling her nose with mine.

"I could never stop loving you."

With my right hand on her thumping heart and my left on her flushed cheek, I lean in and close the space between us. There's no need to rush, we have all night.

If I wasn't wet before, I sure as hell am now. Our lips collide in a languid but heated kiss. I've missed her mouth so much. My lips are like fingertips, they feel it all: every ridge, every line, the plumpness, the moisture – everything. She tastes like home.

We kiss like that up against the door, reacquainting ourselves with lips we could never forget, growing dizzy with lust and ecstasy. Our moans are mixing together as our hot bodies are now flush. I need more and I need it now.

I pull back to break for air and look into her bright eyes and dilated pupils. If that's not the look of sex, I don't know what is. I smile into a kiss, kissing the corner of her mouth and tonguing the seam of her lips.

"Fuuck," she moaned out loud, grabbing my ass, and grinding her hips roughly into mine. And with a vengeance, she kisses me hard, smashing our lips together and thrusts her hot, wet skillful tongue into my mouth. Our tongues do a dance – dominance isn't at issue here – it's about feeling each other completely. I want to feel every fucking tastebud of her skilled muscle.

Our moans are now one. We're composing a soundtrack to freedom, to letting go and it's one I never want to forget.

"Take off my clothes," I demand as I snake my hands to her chest, kneading her pert breasts. "Fuck your nipples need to be sucked, don't they?"

"Yes," she whines as she pulls my dress overhead in one fell swoop. So I was prepared for easy access, are you surprised?

My hands reach for her denim top and quickly undo the knot at her waist. _Flimsy barrier_. Suddenly she's bending down to take my hardened nipple in her swollen red lips and I nearly come on the spot.

"Ohhh shit!" I pant as I eagerly yank at the zipper on the back of her skirt and unceremoniously pull the white fabric to the floor. Her top is off just as quickly.

"Mmm, I missed your body so much. You're beautiful," I say as my mouth attacks her strong pale shoulder, sucking and biting while leading her to the nearest couch.

"I need you all over me," I admit and she willing obeys. Blonde hair splays over my skin in every direction as she kisses every square inch she can get her hands on, paying close attention to my tattoos. I'm squirming against the cool material of the couch as she gets to my ribs. My hips are thrusting the air. My hands are guiding her head all over me.

"Fuck that's so good. Ugghhf!" I yell out as she nips my hip roughly. "I need to taste you," I plead.

"I need you to taste me."

I wish I could have recorded that. ||: _Repeat. Repeat. Repeat._ :||

I pull her face away from my hot flesh and stare into her smoldering gorgeous eyes. _Perfection is possible._

"Let me get to work," I say as I guide her under me and effectively straddle this blonde beauty.

Her skin is like steel and my mouth a magnet. Wet open-mouth kisses make their way over her lithe abdomen, over her heaving chest, swirling around her hardened pink nipples, tracing her collarbone and up her delicious neck, concentrating on her sensitive earlobes.

"I love it when I can feel you quiver at my touch," I whisper in her ear.

As predicted, a moan escapes her pouty mouth as her body arches off the couch. "Fuck, I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"Then you're going to fucking die when I slurp up your pussy like it's my fucking job."

"Ohmuhgod!"

I lick down her body to the hem of her black lace boyshorts, never losing eye contact, the scent of her arousal causing my mouth to water and pussy to reach a new level of wetness.

"Mmm, your pussy smells so good it's making my mouth water."

"Fuck, Lea, please."

"Please what?"

"Please, kiss it. Just do something!"

"No, I need to hear you say it."

"Just eat me out already!"

"I thought you'd never ask."

I lick my lips and dive for the thin black material, licking and tasting her center through the undergarment as her hips buck into my mouth for more contact.

"Eager, aren't we?" She looks at me with pleading eyes.

"You need these off, don't you?"

"YES!"

I hook my fingers under the waistline and gruffly rip the delicate material to shreds from her body.

_I'll buy her a new pair later._

"Oh my fucking..."

My tongue attacked her dripping lips, sucking off her delicious nectar, and tonguing her entrance. I can feel her contract around my tongue as one hand palms her ass, the other, holding her hips in place. Her body is writhing above me as her hand is tangled in my hair, the other gripping the couch, the throw, and anything else she can grab hold of.

"Ohhh fuck you're so good. I love it when you eat it. Mmm don't stop baby."

I increase my fervor, if that's even possible, at the sound of the term of endearment. Her clit is pulsating, screaming to be licked. I lap up from her entrance, through her puffy lips, and circle the hard bundle of nerves. I allow my teeth to graze it lightly, licking up and down, back and forth, in a star, and writing my name on it claiming it as mine.

Her breaths are labored and her moans have grown louder and higher. I want to hear her sexy drawls for the rest of my life.

"Shit. Oh fuck. Shit. I'm coming."

As soon as those words are uttered, I roughly pull away.

"Wh- what are you doing? Why did you stop?"

"Because I didn't say you could come yet."

"Lea please. I'm so close."

"So am I, but right now, you're not ready for the biggest orgasm of your life. Like you said, we've got all night and we're just getting started."

Dianna's POV

Clit tease would be the understatement of the century. I never thought blue clit was possible, but if I don't come soon I'm going to explode. She won't let me come! After nearly eating me off the cliff of sanity, she sat me up in a chair and gave me a lap dance to Nine Inch Nails "Closer," but I wasn't allowed to touch.

She bent over for me several times allowing me to see just how wet she was. She was glistening. But I. Couldn't. Touch.

I don't know where she went but I was ordered to not "fucking move a muscle." All I have to say is that I'm not responsible for any repairs this chair may need after tonight.

"Get up," she says as she comes back with something in her hands behind her back.

I immediately stand up because you don't bite the hand that feeds you and I'm so hungry it hurts.

"Move the chair to the front of the chaise, right at the foot."

"Ok. Like this?"

"Yes. Now sit down on it."

She stalks over to me with a mischievous look in her eyes.

"You were a bad girl, Di. I want to make sure you know exactly what you could have lost. I want to ruin any expectations you could ever have for someone else. I want to make you squirm."

"Oh believe me, you've already succeeded."

"No, you haven't even seen the half of it."

I gulp audibly as she reveals what looks like soft black rope.

"Grab the legs of the chair," she commands. Quickly, she disappears behind me and I feel the smooth rope skim my arm and coil around my wrists. Before I realize what's happening, I no longer have mobility of my arms.

"I wanted to deprive you completely of the ability to touch me. I think this will do," she says as she's now bent at my feet, tying my ankles to the front legs of the chair.

"But I want to touch you."

"I haven't given you permission to touch me, have I?"

"No."

"Good girl. I'm not going to cover your mouth, because I love that dirty mouth of yours."

"Thank you."

We've never done this before, but I'm loving it. I love it when she takes control, but she's taking it to a whole new level. I trust her completely and I can only imagine what she has in store for me.

She leaves to the bedroom again and comes back with a box in hand.

"This is for later," she says as she places it next to the chaise and lies down with her legs facing me.

"I used to think about you at night. I couldn't sleep. I missed you. And I would remember the way you look and sound when you come. I'd think of the times we had sex on the kitchen counter, or that time on the piano on set."

Fuck, I remember those times.

"I would _have_ to touch myself. I had no choice. You always make me so wet. See?" she asks as she spread her legs wide open for my viewing pleasure.

"Unnh shit. You're dripping. You're going to ruin that chair."

"I could give a fuck about that. What I care about it fixing this problem. Someone needs to take care of this, but you're kind of tied up at the moment," she says as she tweaks her nipple with one hand, while the other is snaking around her upper thighs, extremely close to her center.

"I can take care of it, I promise."

"I want to show you how _I _take care of it."

Her index and middle fingers find her wetness. A moan escapes her mouth as she spreads her own juices around.

"Yesss, that feels so good, but it always feels better when you do it."

"How do you taste?"

"I don't know. You should have the first taste," she says as she continues to spread her moisture.

My eyes are fixated on her nimble digits, hypnotized by their movements, wishing desperately that that could be me. I'm almost too focused to see her eyes piercing mine, but then again, you'd have to be nearly dead not to feel her stare.

"Do you like what you see?"

I lick my lips and nod my head. _Words? What are those?_

Her middle finger begins to venture out on its own and finds the source of her pleasure. Lazily, it begins to circle my favorite pink bead, causing her hips to involuntarily cant against the air. Her heels digs into the plush material and her toes curl as soft moans escape her O-shaped mouth, which turns quickly into a devilish smile.

"I'm imagining it's your tongue. It always knows exactly what I need."

My tongue peaks out to wet my lips and inch closer to the object of its desire.

"Where are my manners?" she teases suggestively as her finger dips inside her dripping center. "Ahh I want you to see what you do to me," she says as she parts herself open completely.

"Fuck!" I yank my arms forward, but to no avail. The ropes actually constrict tighter on my wrists.

She dips her finger in and out smiling triumphantly at me. "I told you. You can't touch me until I say you can."

In. Out. In. Out.

Her hips are grinding. I can hear her juices and I can't help but whimper out loud.

"Please let me go. I'll make it worth your while."

"I know you will, but for now, you have to watch me fuuuck myself."

My arms yank again, causing the ropes to dig into my wrists, and the chair to creek.

"Ugh! I just– I need it, Lea."

"I think I need another finger, don't you?"

Her ring finger dips its way between her lips gathering moisture and just as quickly plunges in with her other digit. The tendons in her right arm contract as evidence of the internal unseen movements that are undoubtedly hitting her favorite spots. Both digits are glistening as they enter and exit. Her moans are growing louder as a series of expletives tumble from her lips.

"Oh fuck yeah, baby. You're gonna come for me I know it."

"God, it always feels better when you do it, Di. Only you can hit the right spots. Only you know how deep to go."

"Exactly, babe, which is why you need to untie me. Let me take care of you."

"You know, absence makes the heart grow fonder," she says as she extracts her fingers from their safe haven, "so now is the perfect time to grab a little something extra that can help me miss you a little less."

"Wha-" the words died on my lips as she pulled out the solid black silicone member.

"I've spent so many nights wishing this was you. That you were using it. That I could feel your hips thrusting deeply into me. Especially when I imagined that you were bending me over onto some cold metal surface, pulling my hair back, and taking me from behind... that was always my favorite fantasy."

She took the tool and placed it at her entrance. The midnight black plastic juxtaposed against her pink tender flesh was the most erotic thing I had ever seen.

"I don't need any lube. See?" She says as she smoothly presses it past her entrance, releasing a primal moan.

"So hot."

In a trance I watch as the black member disappears, delving into her molten core, essentially nonexistent. Except, I know it's still there as she swirls her hips and her muscles grip the member tightly in place. She opens her thighs wider with both hands pushing out her knees. "I don't want you to miss a second."

Suddenly with a renewed energy, she began to fuck herself with the dildo while her right hand alternated between twisting her rock hard nipples and frantically rubbing her clit. "I would think about kissing you. Sucking you. Tasting you. Licking you. Feeling the thin sheen of sweat on your skin and tasting your saltiness. I would think about your strong back as you'd push deep inside me and the look on your face as you did it. I'd think about your breasts pushed up against me and how sensitive they'd be between my lips."

I definitely have rope burn around my wrists and ankles, but try as I might, I couldn't break my binds. "Shit, Lea. I'm going to come just watching you. _Please please_ let me go. I'm slipping on this chair I'm so wet."

Her breathing was becoming erratic and the telltale signs of her climax had begun. "Fuck I want you to make me come," she husked.

_Black. Pink. Black. Pink. Black. Pink._

_In. Out. In and swirl. Out and tease. _

"Please let me make you come!" I was practically screaming and whining.

"Do you think you can do better," she asked with shut eyes as she licked her lips.

"Look at me," I demand.

Her black eyes spring open and track mine. "You're going to fucking scream my name whether you like it or not. So un-_fucking_-tie me or I'll break this chair and fuck your brains out anyway."

"Fuck. I love it when you know what you want," she growled. The black piece was quickly extracted, much to her body's displeasure.

She stood up quickly with the silicone in hand. "But right now. This right here," she says as she bends forward and kisses me with passion and lust, "is for me. Open your thighs."

I pull at my restraints to no avail and obey. She thrusts the shaft between my thighs, effectively holding it in place and straddles my seated body on the chair. I watch as she slowly impales herself on the rubber as she watches my face. "Ooooh yesss. God that feels good. You feel good," she sexes out. My mouth attaches to her skin, lips, nipples, collar bones, anything that it can find.

"Oh my God, Lea. Fuck!"

Just because I can't use my arms or legs doesn't mean I can't still move my hips. She's riding me hard like a mechanical bull and I've loosened the ropes on my ankles enough that I can get some leverage to thrust up.

"Shit, Di. Yes. Just like that. Right there!"

I'm a woman possessed with lust. I drive my hips up and down as hard and fast as I possible can, given the circumstances, while she grinds down onto me, spreading her wetness all over my thighs and abdomen. Her breasts are in my face as I alternate between nipples, my hands gripping onto the back rails of the chair for dear life.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck!_" she screams as she repeatedly fills herself up. "I've always wanted this," she says as she stands up, turns around, and quickly swallows the black silicone again, this time allowing me a rear view.

She leans forward, her arms gripping the chaise as a stabilizer as she slams down on the silicone. She's dripping with cum and I wish I could lap it up, slap her ass, guide her hips, or something. I have a perfect view of her special entrance and I think I'm on the verge of the most intense orgasm of my life based on sight alone.

The clapping sound of her ass hitting my thighs fills the air along with our moans as I continue to thrust into her downward movements.

"Oh. Ohh. Oooh, Di. Fuck. Diaaanna. Fuuuck. Ahh, fuck, Di. I'm coming."

"Shit, me too. Come with me, baby!"

"Oh oh oh! Ahhhh!"

Screams of pleasure rip through my throat as she screams the highest pitch I've ever heard escape from her body. One final slam onto my thighs causing her to come undone, completely swallowing the black dildo. Tears of joy streak down my face as I come down from the biggest orgasm I've ever had. She's still convulsing over me, her upper body collapsed at the foot of the chaise.

"That was so good. I love you so much. I can't believe I just came without you even touching me."

"Hold on, I still need to recover," she panted as she lifted herself off our new best friend. "Ah, fuck!" she cried as it was finally released with a pop.

"I love you, too, Di," she said with shaky breath. Turning around, she places both hands on my thighs and places a chaste kiss on my lips. "So very much."

Finally, the ropes are removed and I wrap her up in my arms as we rest on naked and spent on the cream colored chaise. Our breathing regulates. My fingers have taken to tracing lazy shapes on her skin. My senses are heightened. I notice the tiny nearly translucent baby hairs on her back and shoulders that you could only see at a certain angle and with certain lighting.

"You know," I begin to say softly clearing my strained throat from exertion, "I never understood certain lyrics to songs until now."

"Yeah? Like what?" she whispers back.

"Well, I remember listening to this song in Spanish and it says 'tus besos están tatuados en mi piel,' and I never really got that."

"Something about skin?"

"Your kisses are tattooed on my skin."

"Oh, that's so romantic," she says with a smile and a kiss.

"I thought so, too, but it wasn't until now that I understand. I'm so in love with you, so consumed by you, that it doesn't matter what happens or where you go. You'll always be with me. My body, mind, and soul could never forget your touch. For some, that may be a curse, but when it comes to you, it will always be a blessing."

"So then it won't surprise you if I tell you that I'd like to get a tattoo… inspired by you… for us?"

"A tattoo? Of what? Please not my name, that's just the kiss of death," I say with a laugh.

"No I know that. I don't know, maybe something small. Like a little tiny heart."

I hum pensively. "Where would you get it?"

"Somewhere discreet but with meaning. Maybe a certain finger? That way when we're not wearing our rings, well, I'll always be able to show you my love."

"I'd like that," I say as I kiss her with purpose.

She kisses my jaw, my neck, and up to my ears. "Don't think I forgot – we have a _long_ night ahead of ourselves. It makes me wet all over again just to think about what you could do if you could use your hands."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope you all enjoyed the penultimate chapter! Thank you all so much for reading and keeping up with my crazy story, especially those from the very beginning. Until the next and final chapter, adieu! - M**


	20. Just Enjoy the Show

"Have you guys made plans for our New York stop?" Heather asks us thoughtfully while sizing up the next bite of her giant triple scoop cookie dough ice cream waffle cone.

I look down at our joined hands – tan and cream never contrasted each other so perfectly – and rub my thumb across my lady's knuckles in adoration.

"Of course! With that crazy schedule they're setting up for us, we had to."

"Yeah and Edith would kill me if we have dinner with her," Dianna said with a sparkle in her eyes.

"I honestly think she looks forward to seeing you more than me these days. It's always 'How's Dianna?' 'I hope you're taking Dianna out once in a while,' blah blah Dianna blah. And I'm like, 'Hello?_ I'm_ your daughter, you know. Would it kill you to ask how I'm doing for once?'"

Dianna looks at me lovingly and shrugs her shoulders playfully. "What can I say? She loves me better. It's not my fault I'm so lovable. Maybe she'll finally take me up on a game of _nurse_," she says as she wriggles her eyebrows for emphasis.

"Gross!" Heather shouts. "I'm pretty sure that's illegal somewhere and if it's not, it should be."

"You're damn right it should be!" I agree.

"Ok ok. I give up," Dianna surrenders with both hands in the air.

"I thought so," I say as I lean in, grab both of her cheeks in my hands, and kiss her roughly.

_You're all mine._

"So, what are you guys gonna do?" Heather asks, bringing us back to the topic at hand.

"Weee," Dianna drawls out never breaking eye contact with me, "plan on visiting some friends, Lea's family, ordering in, renting a movie and not watching it."

"Niiiice!" Heather says with a smirk.

"Waaaan-kyyyy," Naya says as she rounds the corner. "Don't forget to hang the 'Do not disturb' sign."

"Yeah! If this boat's a rockin' don't come a-knockin'." Heather eggs on.

"We're all 'tied up' at the moment," Naya adds.

"Stay out! We're having sex!" Heather finishes holding her stomach and laughing hysterically.

"Uhh, I don't think they have signs that say that, sweetie," Naya chimes in.

Heather wipes away the tears in her eyes. "Why not? Maybe I should make my own. There's no need to be all coy about it. I mean, that's pretty much what that sign means anyway, so why not be blunt?"

Naya shakes heard head unbelievingly. "Maybe to make us single people not feel so bad?"

Heather pouts her lips exaggeratedly. "Aww, well I'll stay with you next time if you'd like some _company_," she states not so coyly.

Dianna clears her throat after watching a lightning quick new game of eye sex. "Just don't go into graphic detail, ok? Anyway, there must be _some_ meeting we're needed at right now, so we'll just leave you two to it."

Naya knocks her head back clearing the tears from her eyes. "Admit it. You can't handle hearing how sexy we'd be, making your guys' sex life seem like plain Jane vanilla."

"Vanilla?" I challenge back. "Oh, sweetie, no. See you've got us all wrong. I mean, Heather knows. She's looked into my nightstand before and she hasn't even seen my dresser! And my favorite shade of lipstick I don't like to share… well guess what, it's not really lip– "

Dianna quickly clamps her hand over my mouth. "OKAY!" She says too loudly. "I think they get the point, Lea."

I peek my tongue out to lick her palm and she quickly releases.

"Oh, gross! What are you, five?" she exclaims loudly, wiping her hand on her skirt.

"Bye ladies. You have a wonderful evening," I say with a wink over their bubbling laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>May 21, 2011<strong>

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask staring into sparkling hazel eyes backstage as we wait to resurface for our last segment.

Of course there are butterflies in my stomach, it's our very first tour performance, but this has me beyond nervous. It's been so long since we've done this before, and there are so many new steps, outfits, and stage cues in comparison to our ordinary show, but we've rehearsed so hard for this to be perfect. I don't want to do anything that will detract from the night's performance overall. Keeping this song in from our first tour, and the fact that it's Di's favorite Queen song, it has a certain sentimental value that we'd like to keep special, just between the two of us.

"I'm positive," she responds without hesitation.

God, I want to kiss her so badly right now. Not like a makeout kiss or anything, but something gentle and loving, like on the back of her hand or cheek. She couldn't be more perfect and I couldn't be more proud.

I hear our cue as the few of us in the wings prepare to make our final appearance. It's time for my show face. As soon as I'm back on stage ready for Cory's first note, the butterflies are gone because this feels so right.

"Caaaaaannn"

"A-ny-bo-dy, find me, somebody to love."

* * *

><p><strong>DPOV<strong>

"Need somebody to love. Need somebody to love."

I'm so excited. Lea's done marvelously. We all have. And in a few seconds, I'll be able to show her and share some of my excitement with her.

Cross left next to Chord.

Step back and Lea steps forward. Go Amber.

This is it, now or never. I reach for her hand and she's reaching back for me. We find each other and squeeze the reassurance and excitement we have for finishing our first show to one of my favorite songs.

"Somebody to, loo-oo-oo-ooove."

Our eyes don't meet, but they don't have to. We squeeze each other's hand ever so lightly three times.

I. Love. You.

And I can't help but smile because I have found my somebody to love.

Fireworks!

"Somebody find meee, oh, somebody find meeee."

And just like that, it's over. Lea's singing and smiling right at me, but if I don't let go I'll miss my steps. So I squeeze one final time, turn out to my left, and take my place on the steps, swaying in the background, waiting to hug everyone for knocking out our first show.

* * *

><p><strong>June 11, 2011<strong>

I don't know how to describe it, really. This tour is so different to me. It touches me in a whole new way. But why? It must be because our characters are growing up, and even though the plots can get pretty out of hand, we're also maturing and finding ourselves. Well… my character still has some growing up to do, but that's not my fault.

Still, the whole gay story line with Chris and Darren has been so touching and brave. I mean, for a mainstream show to tell kids it's okay to be different and that there's nothing you can do to change it or that you did wrong because you were born that way, is just great.

Every time we go out to meet the fans and sign whatever it is they think a Sharpie will stick to, I meet them and hear their stories. At first I was taken aback by their raw emotions and courage to spill their hardships to a perfect stranger, but then I realized that they trusted me. They connected with us as one of them, an outsider trying to make it in this world. And when it comes down to it, aren't we all a little different?

But they don't know that. They don't know about Lea and I and our struggles. They can suspect, but they'll never know know. You know?

Well, I wanted to do something for them and really, for me. It's taken me a long time to get here – to trust and believe in myself. I hate hiding some of the best parts of me and as long as Lea stands beside me 100% of the way, then I'll be okay.

"Wow. It looks better on you than I thought," says Lea while rolling up my sleeves.

"I like it, too," I answer. "Short and sweet and to the point."

"Ok, but I'm not gonna lie, seeing it on you makes you look crazy confident. And confidence is _very_ becoming of you, Ms. Agron."

_Ms. Agron? She only calls me that when she's horn–. Ohhhh._

"Then I guess I'll have to wear it to bed tonight," I say back with a wink.

"Oh trust me. You won't be wearing anything to bed tonight," Lea responds seriously. Lustfully.

The rest of the cast joins us backstage, lining up on our respective sides on the stairs.

"You look wicked badass right now," Mark said.

"Totally. I think it's really cool, Di," added Chord.

"Own it girl," said Chris with a snap.

"Seriously, Di. That's awesome. Now if only I had thought of it," Naya laughs.

"Or if only they'd actually let us kiss!" chimes Heather.

"Baller," Jenna says simply.

"And hot. You guys can't forget hot!" Lea says lastly.

I can't help but smile at everyone's enthusiasm. Of course I didn't tell the wardrobe people or Ryan, but I figure I can deal with that later. It's the message that's the most important.

I'm shaking myself out trying to psych myself up. It's now or never. I'm doing this for my fans. I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this for her. Whether they get it or not, doesn't matter. I want to show Lea that I literally will shout it from the rooftops.

And there's our cue.

My feet take to the stairs and as soon as my head pops out from under the stage, the crowd raises in volume, but it's not until they see my shirt, no Lucy Caboosey today, that they really go wild.

**LIKES GIRLS**

Well, loves one girl, but they weren't selling LOVES LEA shirts out front.

Truth.

This shirt is really a testament to how far I've come, how far we've come. Lea and I were strangers, then friends, then roommates, then something more, then girlfriends, then something less, and now girlfriends again. I don't care what her title is as long as I get to call her mine.

We may not be perfect, nor have the ideal life having to pretend we're only best friends, but it's ours. Together. And losing myself, finding her, and letting go… well, that's the best decision I've ever made.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ah! That's it! I wish I could have ended it on a bigger bang, but I wanted to let them go on a happy note and not have to deal with all of the post-shirt scandal. Thank you all for reading my first fic and having patience with me! It was a lot of fun.**

**I do have an idea for a multi-fic faberry story, but I'd like to have 2 betas work with me for both grammar and content/story. I don't really know how to go about finding betas, so I thought I'd throw that out here. If you're interested, PM me. I'd like someone who is willing to work as a team, not just a human spellchecker. **

**Also, keep an eye out for random one-shots that pop in the old noggin'. **


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